Have any goals you want to meet before CTB? I want to lose weight, I look and feel awful when I'm overweight. I've lost 70 pounds, got 100 more to go until I feel happy about it. Also I like my job enough but once either I lose my job or they ask me to go back in office I'm gonna enjoy however long I have and quit the corporate rat race, I'm kind of tired of it at this point.
One of my goals is to complete my degree, travel, and hopefully get a job (ironically entering the corporate rat race you're trying to escape). Anyways, I hope to get a decent job making decent money and I'll see what happens from there. If that doesn't work out, than I'll try to ctb, more likely than not.
As a short term goal, I'm planning a trip. It'll be in state, and only one night, but my state has a nice vacation spot, especially in the Winter, which is when I'm planning it. It'll cost a bit of money but anything to break the monotony before I transfer to University.
As a short term goal, I'm planning a trip. It'll be in state, and only one night, but my state has a nice vacation spot, especially in the Winter, which is when I'm planning it. It'll cost a bit of money but anything to break the monotony before I transfer to University.
KillingPain267
Enlightened
- Apr 15, 2024
- 1,293
supergold#2
sapphic, suicidal, and stupid
- Oct 20, 2024
- 38
a part of me wants to get pretty again before i ctb, because i recently dropped from 160 pounds down to 105, and i HATE how it makes me look, so I'm right there with you on that (though i've also got an entire mouth of rotted teeth that need fixing, too, but that might be possible soon through disability?)
like i know it's so vain to care about my looks at my own funeral, but like, i also just feel like i don't want anyone to "get the last laugh" at how bad i let myself get, y'know?
like i know it's so vain to care about my looks at my own funeral, but like, i also just feel like i don't want anyone to "get the last laugh" at how bad i let myself get, y'know?
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,812
Same. I was going to comment this but you commented it first. I never really had a goal in life and I never did
There are a few places I'd like to visit before I go. Water related- the sea, lakes, rivers, waterfalls. It won't exactly be the end of the world if I don't but, while I still have a body, eyes, ears, a nose, it would be nice to see and experience a few beautiful places.
What used to be a very good coping mechanism- my creative job isn't doing such a great job these days. It's still a million times more preferable to wage slavery in retail or something similar but, I don't have the same ambition I used to have with it. It's a combination of knowing I'm neither good enough or confident enough to reach the top. Plus, I don't think people at the top are treated well at all. Why aim for a job where you just get utterly exploited?!!
It's more that, while I still feel obliged to stay alive (I want to wait for my Dad to go first,) I definitely want to stay in this job and I do still care enough to do my best at it. I also need to get back into the routine of exercising soon. I've slipped a bit recently because I'm exhausted. But yeah- while I'm here, I have to try and keep body and soul together as best I can to ensure things don't get worse! Life itself though, I often feel like I could take it or leave it with a preference of just leaving it now.
What used to be a very good coping mechanism- my creative job isn't doing such a great job these days. It's still a million times more preferable to wage slavery in retail or something similar but, I don't have the same ambition I used to have with it. It's a combination of knowing I'm neither good enough or confident enough to reach the top. Plus, I don't think people at the top are treated well at all. Why aim for a job where you just get utterly exploited?!!
It's more that, while I still feel obliged to stay alive (I want to wait for my Dad to go first,) I definitely want to stay in this job and I do still care enough to do my best at it. I also need to get back into the routine of exercising soon. I've slipped a bit recently because I'm exhausted. But yeah- while I'm here, I have to try and keep body and soul together as best I can to ensure things don't get worse! Life itself though, I often feel like I could take it or leave it with a preference of just leaving it now.
My goals are basically just getting all my belongings and finances in order before I die, I've been selling my stuff and gradually getting rid of everything for like a year now so my family doesn't have trouble cleaning up after I ctb. I don't know if this is really a goal though, or more so just preparing for ctb haha.
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 20,969
At minimum I need to settle some affairs such as who will get my stuff and what to do with it. I've also got to prepare a bunch of notes and messages for certain people with my final words to them. I would also like to delete some things from my computer and phone too.
Sometimes I also fantasize about creating projects to show just how important CTB is for me. Things like making short comics or games that explain in detail how much of a terrible person I am who needs to die. Maybe even record some song covers or something just for fun. I am not creatively skilled at all though so starting these things would likely have no value though.
Sometimes I also fantasize about creating projects to show just how important CTB is for me. Things like making short comics or games that explain in detail how much of a terrible person I am who needs to die. Maybe even record some song covers or something just for fun. I am not creatively skilled at all though so starting these things would likely have no value though.
Hey I have a creative job too and feel the same way! I don't hate my job, it's actually really nice being able to work from home. But they basically gave me an ultimatum "If you screw up, you're going back to office with no return to work from home ever again" and honestly just fed up with trying to climb a ladder when artists are unfortunately exploited a lot. If I could make enough to live off selling my own art I could but I don't know if in this technological climate I'd get anywhere with it.
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 2,619
Suicide is my only rational goal.
i have to figure out what is stopping me the constraints and then other goals have to be to solved the most important problems stopping me from killing myself . so those have to be goals too but only because they help me to get to my suicide and do it successfully
i have to understand the essence of each goal and everything i do to be able to remove the things that are not essential
I have to look at my other goals how much they move me towards my suicide or away from my suicide. for example any problem hampering my progress or ability towards my suicide like not getting enough sleep every night , wasting time on things i can't change like watching youtube videos that are not moving me closer to my goals.
i have to figure out what is stopping me the constraints and then other goals have to be to solved the most important problems stopping me from killing myself . so those have to be goals too but only because they help me to get to my suicide and do it successfully
i have to understand the essence of each goal and everything i do to be able to remove the things that are not essential
I have to look at my other goals how much they move me towards my suicide or away from my suicide. for example any problem hampering my progress or ability towards my suicide like not getting enough sleep every night , wasting time on things i can't change like watching youtube videos that are not moving me closer to my goals.
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HenryHenriksen_6E
Member
- Oct 19, 2024
- 38
I've got writing, animating and rowing to keep me going. First, I want to finish the summary of the first draft of what I've written, so my friend can read it. Then I want to finish a certain portion of my animation short film. I could work on them more after I've finished that, but I think it'll line up with when I decide to call it a day and croak.
Me too, the only goal I can think of is killing myself. Can't wait to die AAAAHHHHHHH
supergold#2
sapphic, suicidal, and stupid
- Oct 20, 2024
- 38
my plan is not one that's generally recommended, but it's be a combination of street drugs, particularly the blue "fentanyl" press pills (usually actually not fent, but some form of nitazene/benzofurane, possibly etidinazene?) and from the same area the "xanax" presses (have tested (pretty) reliably as methylphenobarbital for years now).
planning to take the barbituate solution rectally @t+0:00, then vaporize the nitazenes @t+0:30
last time i tried with this method i got very close, and i've definitely learned not to panic in the moments before the blackout since then, which should hopefully help me maximize the ingested drugs. idk, only time will tell lmao
supergold#2
sapphic, suicidal, and stupid
- Oct 20, 2024
- 38
i mean it's not so awful and grey all the time, i'm not really sad about it anymore, i can still find joy from some things here and there in the meantime, but as weird as it sounds, i just feel like i'm ready, even excited/happy for the next chance i'll get? i've got my whole day planned out, places to go, foods to eat, songs to listen to, then it's just a warm hug into oblivion, and it's over. i don't really see it as sad as i guess?
Aw okay well that's fair enough then , what cbt method r u gonna do my sn has just been delivered I really want to do it but terrified of failure and the pain
Sorry u already answered your method
supergold#2
sapphic, suicidal, and stupid
- Oct 20, 2024
- 38
i totally understand the fear, i'd wish i had some reassurance for you that there was anything to help numb that primal survival instinct, but really, it'll always be there, to some extent. it's not really something you beat through sheer force of will, i guess more just an old friend to make peace with before parting ways, if that makes any sense?
but one things for certain, you're not alone in that feeling, it doesn't make you any less-than whatever it is that you truly want, it is just a biochemocal response that i can assure you everyone else here also has, myself included. one thing that's always helped me with my own fears has honestly just been exposure therapy, and while i HIGHLY do not recommend repeated SN exposure to practice controlling that fear, from what i've read between pubmed and bluelight, poppers (amyl-nitrate/nitrite, plus like 300 other pro-drugs, most well known is Rhino Rush) have a near identical effect, albeit only lasting a few seconds, it might be a place to start?
forgot to add: SN was how my ex caught the bus, they're the main reason i know almost anything about it, besides from this group, and while after the fact his room didn't have any evidence of struggle/suffering, they did vomit at some point, most likely after passing out (as evidenced by lack of struggle), and their official cause of death was asphyxiation via emesis.
so defs make sure that you've done your research on it beforehand though, because there's quite a bit to it that requires adapting to your own body chemistry to do perfectly/gently
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supergold#2
sapphic, suicidal, and stupid
- Oct 20, 2024
- 38
no, i debated it for a minute, idk why but it just never felt like it resonated with me? defs have done more than my fair share of poppers tho lol
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