Perhaps goodbye...

[cu1len]

I think I'm going to go for it tonight. This will be my second attempt and while I'm scared, I know I'm just going to keep putting it off with the false hope of things getting better. While my time in this world and on this site has been short, it has taught me a lot. On this site I was able to learn so much more about people, and myself that I would never have realized before. I have met kinder people here than anywhere else. May all of you have peace and reach your goal. Now I'm off to write notes and tie a noose. I recommend the family friendly noose song. I'll be listening to it on my way out :). Goodbye, hopefully.

 

[YellowJasmine]

Hey freaKtodie, I wish you a calm evening and a safe journey.

May whatever happens be painless and peaceful,

Reach for the stars...!

 

[cu1len]

This is my general note:
This is not your fault. I've kept these demons trapped inside for a longer than I can remember. Each and every one of you were a star in my sky. I don't deserve to be missed. Please, don't bury me. I'd like to be cremated then scattered in the woods so I may always be a part of nature. If you hold a funeral, please not a religious one for obvious reasons. And please, remember I love you all.

 

[LostGirl]

Good luck my friend. May you find peace and happiness.

 

[Broken]

All the best

 

[cu1len]

Well 2 notes down, 5 more to go, but I've got cake now so :)

 

[GeorgeEastman]

The letter was nice. I can imagine it being written in very non threatening ink strokes.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Be at peace my friend

 

[cu1len]

The letter was nice. I can imagine it being written in very non threatening ink strokes.

They were very rushed and my note to my grandpa is going to be very deliberate and straight forward if you know what I mean (he's an asshole who sexually abused me age 4-8 when I didn't know any better)

 

[cu1len]

The notes to my mom and dad are as follows:
Dear mom,
You are one of my best friends. You have taught me so much and I'm glad you finally got custody over my brother and I. You are so amazing and you can always make me laugh. Hell, sometimes I forget you're my mom! I'm sorry to be putting you through this, but I've thought about this for a long time and there is no escaping the demons that follow me like a dark cloud. I'd hate to force these demons upon you but I know there's no way around you being hurt. You are my role model and I'm sorry but I have to go.

Dear Dad,
I'm not sorry for doing this but I'm sorry for not speaking to you. I'm sorry for so many things but not for this. It hurt to smile, to laugh, when all I wanted to do was cry. You are an amazing father, and I love you so much. Please stop vaping, pick up the house, get a better job and if not for C**** then for me. This was in no way your fault, but completely mine. I love you.

 

[cu1len]

The note to my grandfather is as follows:
Fuck you. How dare you take advantage of a little girl with no idea the difference between right and wrong.

 

[TheCrow]

The note to my grandfather is as follows:
Fuck you. How dare you take advantage of a little girl with no idea the difference between right and wrong.

I'm so sorry you that this happened to you.

 

[cu1len]

I'm so sorry you that this happened to you.

Nah it's all sorted out now he's just a sick bastard :)

 

[cu1len]

Just tested the tightening of the belt around my neck and got very light headed and dizzy and my stomach is hurting now? I know that becoming light headed and dizzy is normal but the stomach thing?

 

[TiredHorse]

Stress, I'm guessing. Dying isn't easy.

Safe travels, freaKtodie. May you find peace.

 

[cu1len]

Stress, I'm guessing. Dying isn't easy.

Safe travels, freaKtodie. May you find peace.

I agree with the stress part, I am terrified right now, but it didn't start hurting until I tightened the belt and I got light headed. Now I'm just laying in my bed oof.

 

[peachesNpoison]

If your consciousness exists in some state after tonight, I hope it finds peace.

 

[TiredHorse]

I agree with the stress part, I am terrified right now, but it didn't start hurting until I tightened the belt and I got light headed. Now I'm just laying in my bed oof.

I'm really sorry. Of all the (realistic) methods here, partial seems to be the most challenging.

It is terrifying, isn't it? No matter how much agony I was in while I was attempting, the fear was mind-blowing. At each step of the process, it grew abruptly more so, so I wouldn't be surprised if that physical change of tightening the belt elicited a physical fear response: your stomach.

Of course I may have that wrong, and there's some simpler explanation. But... Who knows?

I am so sorry everything has become too much to bear. I wish I could do something to offer you some path out other than the one you're on. Whether you continue to attempt to end yourself, or withdraw for the evening, I hope you find some peace.

 

[cu1len]

My insides hurt so much and I'm laughing right now because when I'm scared I laugh and it's kinda sad because I'm just standing here staring at a noose laughing

 

[TiredHorse]

My insides hurt so much and I'm laughing right now because when I'm scared I laugh and it's kinda sad because I'm just standing here staring at a noose laughing

Laughing in the face of death! One wonders if whoever coined that phrase had the same reaction to fear as you have: they were not so much defiant as terrified.

Me? I've discovered that my teeth clench and I can't take deep breaths. It's ironic, given that I was trying to use eb/N2, which depends on deep breathing.

I'm so sorry, freaKtodie. It sounds pretty awful.

 

[cu1len]

Laughing in the face of death! One wonders if whoever coined that phrase had the same reaction to fear as you have: they were not so much defiant as terrified.

Me? I've discovered that my teeth clench and I can't take deep breaths. It's ironic, given that I was trying to use eb/N2, which depends on deep breathing.

I'm so sorry, freaKtodie. It sounds pretty awful.

It's not that bad I'm just trying to deal with some friends that I texted some last words type things "I love them" type shit and they are freaking out it's more hectic about them than the actual dying part I make no sense lol I can't stop laughing :)

 

[cu1len]

It's kinda funny. I'm using them to stall myself and once I tell them I'm fine and add "lol" the immediately they're like "okay she's fine"

 

[Redt2go]

It's kinda funny. I'm using them to stall myself and once I tell them I'm fine and add "lol" the immediately they're like "okay she's fine"

If your stalling why not just take a nap and see how you feel when you wake up or a different day? No need to rush

 

[cu1len]

If your stalling why not just take a nap and see how you feel when you wake up or a different day? No need to rush

I don't have the energy to go through another day faking being happy. I don't have the motivation to even LIVE anymore. I'm just ready for it to end.

 

[cu1len]

I don't have the energy to go through another day faking being happy. I don't have the motivation to even LIVE anymore. I'm just ready for it to end.

I'm just not ready to do it this minute

 

[TiredHorse]

It's kinda funny. I'm using them to stall myself and once I tell them I'm fine and add "lol" the immediately they're like "okay she's fine"

It's surprisingly easy to deflect people's worries, isn't it? People don't want to worry. They don't want to believe you are in such dire straits as you are. Humans are such peculiar creatures.

I get it, on being ready to end. And not being ready to do it this minute is just fine.

I guess I'm a big believer in the idea of not forcing a conclusion. Especially not one this big. If you aren't 100% ready to die, don't force it.

 

[Redt2go]

I don't have the energy to go through another day faking being happy. I don't have the motivation to even LIVE anymore. I'm just ready for it to end.

I understand that. That's why I just kinda sleep in no need to talk to anyone but SS lol. Not alive nor dead just sleep. It's your decision though. Thats just what I'd do if I were you given what you said in recent posts

 

[Duqu]

The notes to my mom and dad are as follows:
Dear mom,
You are one of my best friends. You have taught me so much and I'm glad you finally got custody over my brother and I. You are so amazing and you can always make me laugh. Hell, sometimes I forget you're my mom! I'm sorry to be putting you through this, but I've thought about this for a long time and there is no escaping the demons that follow me like a dark cloud. I'd hate to force these demons upon you but I know there's no way around you being hurt. You are my role model and I'm sorry but I have to go.

Dear Dad,
I'm not sorry for doing this but I'm sorry for not speaking to you. I'm sorry for so many things but not for this. It hurt to smile, to laugh, when all I wanted to do was cry. You are an amazing father, and I love you so much. Please stop vaping, pick up the house, get a better job and if not for C**** then for me. This was in no way your fault, but completely mine. I love you.

If you're still here, can I do a grammar edit on your note to your mom? Just so your last words are accurate? "got custody over my brother and ME" not I.

I'm a grammar freak and I love people's last words to be accurate in the language people choose to put them in. <3 you (even though we've never spoken) but feel no fear (whether you go through with it or not); we're always here. *hug if you want it*

 

[cu1len]

I agree with both of you and it's kinda funny how many ways you can die in your sleep and that's kinda scary but also not. But I'm almost ready and the weather is perfect (it's storming outside and I love storms), I've got candles, music, a belt, my dads about to go to bed, my notes are ready and I've got some midol so it doesn't hurt as bad I hope

 

[cu1len]

If you're still here, can I do a grammar edit on your note to your mom? Just so your last words are accurate? "got custody over my brother and ME" not I.

I'm a grammar freak and I love people's last words to be accurate in the language people choose to put them in. <3 you (even though we've never spoken) but feel no fear (whether you go through with it or not); we're always here. *hug if you want it*

My nana actually used to be an English teacher and because of that I've grown up in a grammar enforced family and the correct phrase is "my brother and I". It's kinda funny that I'm on my last hour and fighting over grammar XD I'm glad