Wooshe
Member
- Mar 14, 2023
- 5
I just really want to get other people's thoughts other than my own again.
As I quickly brushed over in my story, When I was in the ambulance the guy started to berate me.
Telling me how lucky my life is and how I am selfish and stupid for attempting just a waste of time.
I'm really stuck on four things.
1. Suicide is selfish.
2.Suicide doesn't end your pain it just passes it on.
3. Suicide is a pertinent solution to temporarily problems.
4. Just get help
I would like to combine one and two. When you tell me that suicide is selfish and all it does is passes on my pain to everyone around me.
I feel as if you are calling me a meat shield. That I should suck it up and deal with the arrows that tear my skin. Simply for the fact that
my muscles, bones, heart and lungs will be able to stop the arrow before it hits the person behind me. I feel as if you are saying my happiness is
below the people around me. That if I don't take the cuts, blunt force trauma, burns, in which you ostracize me for. I am an unworthy person. Who
some will way, will burn in hell for eternity. The same people who roar my faults in public and ask the damn question. What happened to your wrist?
With a tone played by the ones who already know the answer to. Who when lied to will confront me and force me to speak as if it will change anything.
But of how I view myself and the stigma that comes with the scars.
Now for those who will say some people don't get to decide whether they live or die, and that is unfair for me to decide for myself.
And to that I say you are right, it's unfair that people who live and love life are dying. But I think it's unfair to compare the two. Because then
for that argument to work for me you will need to define living. Because I believe if you can write a DNR (Do not resuscitate) is proof that just
being alive is not living. Now I am assuming on this one so please correct me if I am wrong. But there are people who go into a vegetative states
have loved ones pulling the plug because they cannot enjoy life. When you can't find joy in life, I don't mean for a day or weeks I mean months and
years. I don't believe I am living. I am surviving. I am simply a peace a paper falling wherever the law of physics tells me to go. I promise I am trying
I have a purpose. I have found my light. But it's too damn far away to feel its warmth. Let alone reach, its heart breaking that I can't get out of bed unless I pull the
arrows out of my chest pinning me to my bed. Just to use the last few breaths I have to clean up the wounds and cough out the poisins in my mind.
And I hate the fact that you try to tell me its temporary. Because it not, the scars are permanent, depression is permanent, bipolar disorder is permanent. I can't get out
I can simply deal with it. Pills will only add a latter to the castle wall that is my mental illness. And for the people to say just get help I did I will admit in total I got help five or six times.
The first one was with a unvoluntary visit to the Psychiatric ward. Where I was fear full for my life at times. Where I stayed for about 4 weeks and only ones did, I talk to the psychiatrist for ten minutes. before She diagnose me and doubled my medication. Before I go further, I would like to add I do not have any distain for her. I'm sure she was over worked and under paid.
This is getting long so I will summarize the other visits. I got abandoned by my last therapist I was not informed of my canulation that day. i was told I would get a call back to re book my
appointment and never got it. I tired calling but they just.... left me. When I was in the Psychiatric ward, I was so scared they were going to add more and more disorders to me.
When I first got there they gave me a meal I didn't like. So I told them, I was not going to eat. They automatically told me if I didn't eat that I would be on watch for an eating disorder
and will be watched more closely. Then they tried to diagnose me with PTSD witch I do NOT HAVE.
I just hate the hypocrisy of you are a horrible person but please reach out we will help there is help.
TLDR: I don't think suicide is selfish and I believe I could argue that you are selfish for saying that. please give me your thoughts. Also sorry for everything, I guess. I haven't slept in a while and I'm hopping after I get this of my chest, I can finally get some sleep.
As I quickly brushed over in my story, When I was in the ambulance the guy started to berate me.
Telling me how lucky my life is and how I am selfish and stupid for attempting just a waste of time.
I'm really stuck on four things.
1. Suicide is selfish.
2.Suicide doesn't end your pain it just passes it on.
3. Suicide is a pertinent solution to temporarily problems.
4. Just get help
I would like to combine one and two. When you tell me that suicide is selfish and all it does is passes on my pain to everyone around me.
I feel as if you are calling me a meat shield. That I should suck it up and deal with the arrows that tear my skin. Simply for the fact that
my muscles, bones, heart and lungs will be able to stop the arrow before it hits the person behind me. I feel as if you are saying my happiness is
below the people around me. That if I don't take the cuts, blunt force trauma, burns, in which you ostracize me for. I am an unworthy person. Who
some will way, will burn in hell for eternity. The same people who roar my faults in public and ask the damn question. What happened to your wrist?
With a tone played by the ones who already know the answer to. Who when lied to will confront me and force me to speak as if it will change anything.
But of how I view myself and the stigma that comes with the scars.
Now for those who will say some people don't get to decide whether they live or die, and that is unfair for me to decide for myself.
And to that I say you are right, it's unfair that people who live and love life are dying. But I think it's unfair to compare the two. Because then
for that argument to work for me you will need to define living. Because I believe if you can write a DNR (Do not resuscitate) is proof that just
being alive is not living. Now I am assuming on this one so please correct me if I am wrong. But there are people who go into a vegetative states
have loved ones pulling the plug because they cannot enjoy life. When you can't find joy in life, I don't mean for a day or weeks I mean months and
years. I don't believe I am living. I am surviving. I am simply a peace a paper falling wherever the law of physics tells me to go. I promise I am trying
I have a purpose. I have found my light. But it's too damn far away to feel its warmth. Let alone reach, its heart breaking that I can't get out of bed unless I pull the
arrows out of my chest pinning me to my bed. Just to use the last few breaths I have to clean up the wounds and cough out the poisins in my mind.
And I hate the fact that you try to tell me its temporary. Because it not, the scars are permanent, depression is permanent, bipolar disorder is permanent. I can't get out
I can simply deal with it. Pills will only add a latter to the castle wall that is my mental illness. And for the people to say just get help I did I will admit in total I got help five or six times.
The first one was with a unvoluntary visit to the Psychiatric ward. Where I was fear full for my life at times. Where I stayed for about 4 weeks and only ones did, I talk to the psychiatrist for ten minutes. before She diagnose me and doubled my medication. Before I go further, I would like to add I do not have any distain for her. I'm sure she was over worked and under paid.
This is getting long so I will summarize the other visits. I got abandoned by my last therapist I was not informed of my canulation that day. i was told I would get a call back to re book my
appointment and never got it. I tired calling but they just.... left me. When I was in the Psychiatric ward, I was so scared they were going to add more and more disorders to me.
When I first got there they gave me a meal I didn't like. So I told them, I was not going to eat. They automatically told me if I didn't eat that I would be on watch for an eating disorder
and will be watched more closely. Then they tried to diagnose me with PTSD witch I do NOT HAVE.
I just hate the hypocrisy of you are a horrible person but please reach out we will help there is help.
TLDR: I don't think suicide is selfish and I believe I could argue that you are selfish for saying that. please give me your thoughts. Also sorry for everything, I guess. I haven't slept in a while and I'm hopping after I get this of my chest, I can finally get some sleep.