People who have been here for years: some questions.

[InezSerrano]

Why did you originally join? Were you suicidal? Why do you stick around? Are you still on the edge of suicide, or really truly recovered? Do you have any advice to people like me who have only been seriously suicidal for a bit? Or just anything in general to pass on?

 

[Chinaski]

I joined in 2018 when l was miserable, essentially to score N. I was here around six or seven months, l got over it, recovered and recovered well, then something happened to bring me back in November last year. So l feel like a relatively new member but this is my second go round, and l wouldn't give any advice to suicidal people as l think it's something we all experience differently. However l will say that if you are able to recover and find yourself in a better place, don't hang around here. Yes there is a recovery section and it's helpful to many but imo once you feel even vaguely capable of doing without this place, leave it behind and forget you were here.

 

[Sherri]

I joined Because this nice lady on FB called me aside on a FB group where all conversations were censored. When i joined I was ready to go. Has abs have all that I have to go, but decided to give life one more chance, in this case many chances, one thing is for sure I won't go down without giving depression and anxiety a hell of a fight first. This site helped me tremendously also to my recovery, knowing people like me, and people who have it so much worse than me,

 

[Smart No More]

l wouldn't give any advice to suicidal people as l think it's something we all experience differently. However l will say that if you are able to recover and find yourself in a better place, don't hang around here. Yes there is a recovery section and it's helpful to many but imo once you feel even vaguely capable of doing without this place, leave it behind and forget you were here.

I'd say that about sums it up!

I'd second that and I'd like to add one small thing as a message to all the edgelord (often seemingly underage) people that court the forum and it's subject with romantic notions and display fake self indulgent emotions in some attempt to be interesting or find some kind of false self worth....doing that shit is highly irresponsible and has an impact on others in ways you're too young and naive to appreciate yet. Do your future self and the people you provide dangerous positive affirmation to a big favour and leave!

 

[D&D]

Hi @InezSerrano

I found the forum by chance and wrote about it (under my previous handle) in this post: I have been wanting to say 'hi' and 'thank you all' for quite some time …

Why do I still stick around is the question I ask myself every day ... the most brutally honest answer is inaptitude and cowardice. Both of which I must find the way to overcome. Because in my situation dignified and peaceful self-deliverance really is the best option.

But that is just my situation. As @Chinaski aptly wrote - "if you are able to recover and find yourself in a better place, don't hang around here. Yes there is a recovery section and it's helpful to many but imo once you feel even vaguely capable of doing without this place, leave it behind and forget you were here." I cannot agree more.

Wishing you best.

 

[Okami]

I joined as I was approached to be a moderator of this forum when it was first created, though I later resigned and took a break from here for personal reasons. I have been suicidal for as long as I can remember, and I don't think that will ever change. If anything, my desire to leave has grown stronger the longer I've been forced to stay. I believe I'm only here because I lack a reliable way to die, as well as the guilt of leaving my grandmother behind when she can't take care of herself.

I've never been great with advice or words of comfort. I'm sorry that you've been lead to this point, however. I agree that you shouldn't stick around here if you find your mind changing, as the general atmosphere of this place is rather depressing and could potentially drag you down. That was one of the reasons I left for a bit, myself, as well as my general trust issues.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am here because it is the only community who truly understands my pain. Every other place is just trying to bolster broken people up with toxic positivity. I came here for honesty and truth. I will never (nor want to) recover, but I'm completely behind people who do and wish them well. While it is a suicide site, it is also a great place for people to vent about the harsh realities of life. It is also pro-choice. Live life to the full or die on your own terms. I learned and attained SN and N (still not easy to access and risk involved). I don't want to live past this year, but I will always feel suicidal and depressed. Nothing will change that, so as long as this site is here, I will stick around as long as necessary. It is a great community with caring people. Not much more to say, really.

 

[chocolatebar]

There has been years...
I'm getting old even in this place...

Well, i first searched for less painful methods and found this place. After reading the resources, decided to hang around. I have never been to any online community before ( I lived in both physical and digital isolation) and really like the place and the people.

 

[Mae]

Insightful questions @InezSerrano, as they force us to think about our circumstances, and hopefully, our thoughts give you some insight as well. I'm here because I have a chronic condition that causes me pain. Some days the pain is manageable; other days, debilitating. This space -- unlike so many others-- acknowledges our free will to take our lives when we deem our quality of life doesn't measure up to our expectations -- all of which are subjective. I love that here I don't have to defend my desire to end my life on my terms when life is too painful for me.

One of the reasons I stick around life is that sometimes the pain isn't so bad and I remember all that I love about living. I stick around this site because there are thought provoking discussions. Recently I was reading a thread about impulsive v. planned suicide. I appreciate that most of the people who post on this site regularly are thoughtful -- they sincerely think about things and ask questions to fellow members to spark thinking.

To me, there is no decision more personal than suicide. The people here have thought a lot about killing themselves for myriad reasons. SS is a safe space (mostly) to work through our issues where all options are respected.

I hope you find joy, love, peace, painlessness -- whatever you need to enjoy life, but if you don't, I understand that perspective, too. The only caveat I have is that if you are young - please wait (I know some here will disagree with me). I felt alone and lonely early in life and considered suicide. I'm so glad I didn't ctb because I finally saw that my woes were not that different from so many others and found much joy and connection. After many years, I look at suicide differently. Whatever your circumstances are -- make sure you really are at peace with ending your life.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I made an account in 2019 to research methods, even though I knew wasn't quite ready to CTB yet. I came back in Dec of last year because my health has gotten worse and I'm really suffering. I have my supplies, I might be ready soon.

 

[Decidueye]

I come and go, and when I'm here I mostly lurk. Like most others, I have no one else to express these feelings too. My partner would be too terrified to realize talking isn't the same as doing. He's not great about dealing with the more negative aspects of myself, so I keep it all to myself until I feel I could explode, then I come here. And I can't tell this shit to a doctor or therapist. I always lie.

I come here to ease the pain. I can't CTB yet, I do not have the supplies and I still need to do some stuff to make sure those on the other side are taken care of. But on days where it's just too much, this place helps. It's like a mental version of cutting, just relieves some pain. And much like cutting, I'd say this place leaves some scars as well. There is so much pain in the world, and no where to put it.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

My suicidality is a product of my bipolar disorder. I came here for the first time doing research on methods. I lurked for quite a while before eventually posting.

I stay because this place seems to act as some kind of relief valve for me. By allowing myself to talk about my intrusive thoughts and ideations, they are less intense to me.

I do stay away for a few months at a time when I can, but I have means here in the house if I want them.

 

[stellabelle]

Why did you originally join? Were you suicidal? Why do you stick around? Are you still on the edge of suicide, or really truly recovered? Do you have any advice to people like me who have only been seriously suicidal for a bit? Or just anything in general to pass on?

- I had been reading the forum for months and finally after a failed suicide attempt, I started to become more set on an exit. I wanted to be able to interact with others if possible, if I was accepted by others, and maybe even find a partner. I regret not going with a woman who has already departed.

- I was incredibly suicidal, completely trapped, stuck in a horrible place with horrible people and no way out, after so much begging for help, being stalked and ignored and lied to and lied about and everything I owned stolen, no chance to get back to school or work thanks to a cunt who called to burn every bridge I had ever made or attempted to make

-I am still here, I have been here on and off, through "good" times, bad times, and really bad bad bad times. I come back occasionally and express or interact, read or leave.

- I am still incredibly suicidal and have never been able to recover from the trauma, abuse, neglect, lies, thefts, and exploitation.

- if you have been actively suicidal for a short period of time, it is possible that there are a number of things causing it and that you may be able to seek resolution for these feelings, or at least sort them out to better cope with your situation.

- my advice: don't let the depression defeat you if there is hope for a meaningful and positive existence.