Venting people who don’t really care

[dra1ncoreslwt]

another vent post because I'm having trouble lying to those who supposedly care about me until they see me really badly, and whom I don't trust. feel free to share ur story x

it's been real hard lately, my s/o has been the only one sticking with me bc my best friend is busy with ramadan and it's the worst time for her to worry or try to focus on me (which of course makes me feel guilty as hell) their support however now just makes me feel guiltier, cause they insist on me keeping on fighting like I haven't already for years and at the same time I feel it's not worth it, so I feel I'm ignoring their support or being an attention seeker which I'd hate to be. It feels like the people around me (family members) don't care about me even when I stopped eating, spend my time always alone and now that they've seen the blood all over my room they got concerned, yet it feels like they don't care enough? because it's so easy to judge me and it was so easy for them to hurt me in the past. I don't trust them. I'm supposed to trust them. I lie to them all the time and to their faces that I'm okay even though I love them so much, I can't trust them. I'd always been there for them but it feels like they can't ever make me feel safe. and with all my exasperation and frustration rn it feels like if I ctb they'll have it coming.

 

[burdenox]

This hits home. I think it does for a lot of us here.

It'll never fail to disappoint me how often people just don't seem to care until someone's dead. Then suddenly everyone does lol

The family members that do know about my suicidal tendencies mock me for it constantly. Part of me wants to ctb purely to prove to them I'm being serious and not just attention seeking.

I left a note in my room when I was like 14-15. My mam found it, looked at me weirdly and threw it out.

I had a book full of extremely disturbing drawings on my desk (the frantic scribbly drawing really helps me during panic attacks) my mam found them too and never mentioned it.

I practiced tying nooses and partial hanging in my room, she knew about it, never mentioned it.

Whenever we get in an argument she ends with "oh what are you gonna do now? Kill yourself?" Other mocking shit like that. Same with my brothers. I just say yes at this point. They can say I'm manipulative, whatever. They don't care, why should I?

My friends, I don't bother saying anything to. As far as I'm concerned I'm just here for comedic relief. Though some past friends knew and never did anything

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

This hits home. I think it does for a lot of us here.

It'll never fail to disappoint me how often people just don't seem to care until someone's dead. Then suddenly everyone does lol

The family members that do know about my suicidal tendencies mock me for it constantly. Part of me wants to ctb purely to prove to them I'm being serious and not just attention seeking.

I left a note in my room when I was like 14-15. My mam found it, looked at me weirdly and threw it out.

I had a book full of extremely disturbing drawings on my desk (the frantic scribbly drawing really helps me during panic attacks) my mam found them too and never mentioned it.

I practiced tying nooses and partial hanging in my room, she knew about it, never mentioned it.

Whenever we get in an argument she ends with "oh what are you gonna do now? Kill yourself?" Other mocking shit like that. Same with my brothers. I just say yes at this point. They can say I'm manipulative, whatever. They don't care, why should I?

My friends, I don't bother saying anything to. As far as I'm concerned I'm just here for comedic relief. Though some past friends knew and never did anything

I understand, drawing also was a way to cope for me. I used to draw a lot of gore when I was 8-10 and when my parents asked I just said "it's a scene from a book" I just wonder how they never caught the red flag and talked to me about it. it feels like they avoid confronting me about it because if they realize how bad I am they'll feel they "failed as parents" also they divorced a couple years back so..

it really hurts how they don't care until it's too late. it's starting to be too late.

anyways I hope the best for you and that you find your way out to feel better, whatever you decide to do x

 

[Gaga786]

Hi, I hope your doing well. It's just been so hard for me lately. I recently went on a religious pilgrimage–hence my absence on this site– in hopes of fixing my problems, but I came back even more broken. Your post resonates with me because my loved ones are doing the same. No matter how many times I let them know that I don't want to be here anymore, they view me as mentally ill and challenged. They even think that me being gay is a disease and that my mind is just confused due to depression. It just hurts. They just insist on trying new medications nd throwing money on therapy, which doesn't help at all
I wish you the best. Take care of yourself

 

[umjammertranner]

I feel you, I have this constant battle in my head between "nobody cares" and "I'm selfish for making them care"

The only person I feel actually cares is my younger brother, but he's so busy with his own life and I feel like a failure for putting that emotional stress on him. My parents also care but ever since my abusive relationship when I was a teenager alienated me against them I haven't been able to emotionally connect with them since. Shit sucks. Everyone else sends me a couple of messages once a week or so just to make sure I haven't offed myself yet and that's pretty much it. At the same time I feel like I'm failing all my friends coz I'm pretty self absorbed in my own misery atm, feels like a self fulfilling cycle.

Hi, I hope your doing well. It's just been so hard for me lately. I recently went on a religious pilgrimage–hence my absence on this site– in hopes of fixing my problems, but I came back even more broken. Your post resonates with me because my loved ones are doing the same. No matter how many times I let them know that I don't want to be here anymore, they view me as mentally ill and challenged. They even think that me being gay is a disease and that my mind is just confused due to depression. It just hurts. They just insist on trying new medications nd throwing money on therapy, which doesn't help at all
I wish you the best. Take care of yourself

I'm sorry to hear that, so many people want to provide ways of coping with miserable circumstances instead of actually help CHANGE those circumstances. It's fucked.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

Hi, I hope your doing well. It's just been so hard for me lately. I recently went on a religious pilgrimage–hence my absence on this site– in hopes of fixing my problems, but I came back even more broken. Your post resonates with me because my loved ones are doing the same. No matter how many times I let them know that I don't want to be here anymore, they view me as mentally ill and challenged. They even think that me being gay is a disease and that my mind is just confused due to depression. It just hurts. They just insist on trying new medications nd throwing money on therapy, which doesn't help at all
I wish you the best. Take care of yourself

I hope you eventually find that peace you need, whatever you decide to do x

I feel you, I have this constant battle in my head between "nobody cares" and "I'm selfish for making them care"

The only person I feel actually cares is my younger brother, but he's so busy with his own life and I feel like a failure for putting that emotional stress on him. My parents also care but ever since my abusive relationship when I was a teenager alienated me against them I haven't been able to emotionally connect with them since. Shit sucks. Everyone else sends me a couple of messages once a week or so just to make sure I haven't offed myself yet and that's pretty much it. At the same time I feel like I'm failing all my friends coz I'm pretty self absorbed in my own misery atm, feels like a self fulfilling cycle.

I'm sorry to hear that, so many people want to provide ways of coping with miserable circumstances instead of actually help CHANGE those circumstances. It's fucked.

I really get you, being self absorbed in your own mystery is painful, I'm self absorbed in my own misery… I hope best goes for you, you're not alone, whatever you decide x

 

[Mirrory Me]

Ofcourse they care, but people can't really fix other peoples issues. By practicing self-love you can learn to value yourself and live with yourself more compassionately.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

Ofcourse they care, but people can't really fix other peoples issues. By practicing self-love you can learn to value yourself and live with yourself more compassionately.

it's not really the direction I was going with this post, it's not that I don't love myself, it's that I'm suffering and can't bear it. I don't want people to fix my problems, I want them to truly care, to show that they do, and I know better than anyone because I've pulled 2 people out of the edge of killing themselves.. but it hurts that you can't find someone to care for you the way you've cared for the people you love. thanks for the reply x

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that you cannot really trust people in this world, most people are too self absorbed to really care about others. It's just the way that people are.

 

[Archness]

This hits home. I think it does for a lot of us here.

It'll never fail to disappoint me how often people just don't seem to care until someone's dead. Then suddenly everyone does lol

Certainly. It feels like people care because they "have to" instead of really wanting to at times.

That's somewhat why I kept my suicidallity and other problems a secret. Do they really care if it's only when you'll die if they don't?

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

another vent post because I'm having trouble lying to those who supposedly care about me until they see me really badly, and whom I don't trust. feel free to share ur story x

it's been real hard lately, my s/o has been the only one sticking with me bc my best friend is busy with ramadan and it's the worst time for her to worry or try to focus on me (which of course makes me feel guilty as hell) their support however now just makes me feel guiltier, cause they insist on me keeping on fighting like I haven't already for years and at the same time I feel it's not worth it, so I feel I'm ignoring their support or being an attention seeker which I'd hate to be. It feels like the people around me (family members) don't care about me even when I stopped eating, spend my time always alone and now that they've seen the blood all over my room they got concerned, yet it feels like they don't care enough? because it's so easy to judge me and it was so easy for them to hurt me in the past. I don't trust them. I'm supposed to trust them. I lie to them all the time and to their faces that I'm okay even though I love them so much, I can't trust them. I'd always been there for them but it feels like they can't ever make me feel safe. and with all my exasperation and frustration rn it feels like if I ctb they'll have it coming.

I feel you on this. It's just depressing to see others brush off your problem you know are really real with foresight after all foresight is 20/20. I remember thinking the same things they don't know how serious I am. I'm going to drop dead soon and I'll never know what they felt, sadness, rejection, guilt or pleasure? It's a deeply uncomfortable feeling for me and I feel it's probably the same for you.