People not realizing how bad my SI is being both a blessing and a curse

[MissingThyme]

I was able to order sodium nitrite, mention it by name, have it come and, and have the package handed to me by my partner with her being none the wiser that it's anything but a cooking ingredient. After mentioning that the ocean makes me just want to disappear into it forever, I can mention to her and other people who have been told that I want to do a solo trip to the beach and no one blinks. I can tell people not to follow up on something important but long-term for me, or give away rare things, and not have anyone twig that maybe it's the precursor to something.

Do they know and aren't saying anything? Or do they honestly not realize what all that is planning for? Or am I just that good at putting on a mask after having been told that hurting was too exhausting for everyone else to deal with?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if other people show no signs of potentially trying to interfere with ctb plans then to me that's for the best. And that's the way that it should be anyway as suicide is a personal decision which has nothing to do with anyone else. At least you have the option of SN so you can just leave for when the time is right.

 

[man_in_red:)]

Personally, I they probably do notice something is up but don't care enough to step in. Most people only pretend to care about you to get what they want and once you ctb they'll put on a fake sob act and forget you in a few months.