Cinnabun1112
Complex PTSD, MDD, GAD/Panic Disorder
- Aug 6, 2019
- 19
People like me commit suicide if not cultivated correctly.
Everything comes with layers. Layers of sediment, layers of soil, layers of oak, layers of feelings, emotions, sadness.
People like me feel layer upon layer of sadness. Almost so much that we cannot see the light. "I need some answers"
Call It depression, call It being a HSP, call It being different or a pessimist.
Shame and guilt and embarrassment hit me everyday looking at the pain and horrible coping I turned to in the past. Why Can I see with the eyes of a lover and artist but be filled with such negativity?
I knew I couldn't be alone so I resorted to the trees for my company and I must say it's much preferred to settling for a draining conversation
I slept the day away in between meetings. Am I depressed again? I'm spacing out. I'm overwhelmed. I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
Sadness is a barrier. I don't know what to do when I think about what I wAnt to do. Smoke some herb? Sleep? Cry? Kill myself? I had my first thought of suicide today in the shower and realized It wasn't plausible to try to hang myself off of a shower rod. It'll fall. I need to be held. Who's holding me? How do I help myself? I feel like I've been Through this cycle again and again. Everytime depression visits me and leaves the next
Time is worse than the previous visit.
Everything comes with layers. Layers of sediment, layers of soil, layers of oak, layers of feelings, emotions, sadness.
People like me feel layer upon layer of sadness. Almost so much that we cannot see the light. "I need some answers"
Call It depression, call It being a HSP, call It being different or a pessimist.
Shame and guilt and embarrassment hit me everyday looking at the pain and horrible coping I turned to in the past. Why Can I see with the eyes of a lover and artist but be filled with such negativity?
I knew I couldn't be alone so I resorted to the trees for my company and I must say it's much preferred to settling for a draining conversation
I slept the day away in between meetings. Am I depressed again? I'm spacing out. I'm overwhelmed. I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
Sadness is a barrier. I don't know what to do when I think about what I wAnt to do. Smoke some herb? Sleep? Cry? Kill myself? I had my first thought of suicide today in the shower and realized It wasn't plausible to try to hang myself off of a shower rod. It'll fall. I need to be held. Who's holding me? How do I help myself? I feel like I've been Through this cycle again and again. Everytime depression visits me and leaves the next
Time is worse than the previous visit.