People ghosting you

[Jen0804]

Has anyone else had people ghost them for long periods of time after they found out you attempted ctb or that you are/ were suicidal?

I had a friend for ten years we spoke almost every day. I attempted in January and was told I was going to die from the attempt. As soon as this friend found out , they vanished, never to be heard from again

I'm trying to understand the reasons.... I can see maybe they were just tired of it or drained, maybe they know I'll be successful some day and they can't handle it, so left to prepare for that or something


My friend isn't really pro life or pro suicide but they have an understanding of struggling in life to the extremes and depression

My time is running out now and I'm sad I'll never get to talk to them again before I complete ctb (N) in about seven weeks

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I can imagine it must be really painful.

I had something kind of related happen to me. Was in inpatient and called my friend. He told me he would call me right back but never did.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I think deep down inside, most people don't care and just consider people friends out of convenience. Of course it's comfortable to be someone's friend if you are just grabbing a coffee and chatting casually about your favorite movies. Suicide makes most people uncomfortable, so they'd rather avoid dealing with something that makes them uncomfortable.
It's in times like these you find out who your real friends are (if you have any that is).

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I think deep down inside, most people don't care and just consider people friends out of convenience. Of course it's comfortable to be someone's friend if you are just grabbing a coffee and chatting casually about your favorite movies. Suicide makes most people uncomfortable, so they'd rather avoid dealing with something that makes them uncomfortable.
It's in times like these you find out who your real friends are (if you have any that is).

Completely agree. Thats why i'm so scared to tell my "friends" they're good people objectively but yeah i doubt they would stick around.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

Completely agree. Thats why i'm so scared to tell my "friends" they're good people objectively but yeah i doubt they would stick around.

The sad part is if you did commit suicide, those same "friends" will say, "whyidon'tknow was such a great person. He/She should have reached out. We would've been there for him/her."

 

[Circles]

The only thing I can think about is that after a certain point they may just get drained and overwhelmed with dealing with it. It's harsh but a lot of people can't handle the situation at hand. They go into 'defense mode' where they can't control people's actions and so they stop talking to us because they think it's pointless and in effect salvage their own sanity. They don't know what else to say to help.And maybe for some people who understand what it's like to be suicidal it may trigger them like some things on here trigger me. It's hard and easier said than done but people need to just be there for others and don't have to talk about anything, Just beng there for someone is support enough but for some reason a lot people can't even do that.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

The sad part is if you did commit suicide, those same "friends" will say, "whyidon'tknow was such a great person. He/She should have reached out. We would've been there for him/her."

Yep I think about that alot. It's weird right? It I stayed alive because I don't wanna hurt them and reached out it would just wreck our relationship yet if I kill myself its like that wouldn't have happened


Honestly I think my friends will learn from my suicide more than anything. Will it hurt? Absolutely. But I was disposable before. The pain will make them stronger and they will move on with their lives

 

[ExitTheDay]

One of my ex girlfriends left me because I was very negative about myself and always said I was going to CTB, I understand how she felt about me saying shit like that and threatening myself but she did not need to leave me on the terms she did, she could have at least been more understanding of my situation and left me on good terms

 

[Jen0804]

The only thing I can think about is that after a certain point they may just get drained and overwhelmed with dealing with it. It's harsh but a lot of people can't handle the situation at hand. They go into 'defense mode' where they can't control people's actions and so they stop talking to us because they think it's pointless and in effect salvage their own sanity. They don't know what else to say to help.And maybe for some people who understand what it's like to be suicidal it may trigger them like some things on here trigger me. It's hard and easier said than done but people need to just be there for others and don't have to talk about anything, Just beng there for someone is support enough but for some reason a lot people can't even do that.

That's so true
I didn't want anybody to save me or help me feel better I just wanted my friends to stick by me but as scorpius says I guess we find out who our true friends are

Side note: if anyone who views this in future has a suicidal friend... abandoning them won't change anything It'll just end up with you feeling guilty if they are successful


It's true that people tend to follow the "I wish he/she had said something"
"I never saw it coming"
"I would have tried to help"

I wish I could tell her I'm sorry and that I love her but sad thing is I know she'll probably regret walking away, when it's too late. Whenever I read that back to myself it sounds awful. But I understand being bereaved by suicide and I know she will regret cutting me off.... we were close like family


I'll still be leaving her a note anyway

Thanks guys , helps to know I'm not alone

(Seriously thank you)

 

[Darkmornings]

The sad part is if you did commit suicide, those same "friends" will say, "whyidon'tknow was such a great person. He/She should have reached out. We would've been there for him/her."

I can imagine the Facebook posts now. People posting the suicide prevention number. People giving dissertations how we need to support each other. Makes me sick just talking about.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I can imagine the Facebook posts now. People posting the suicide prevention number. People giving dissertations how we need to support each other. Makes me sick just talking about.

Posting those "fake" photo collages of us together

Haha who am I kidding I aint that special
I truly don't think mental healthy people who have never experience suicidal thoughts are just like a different animal.

They can't
Understand

 

[Jen0804]

I can imagine the Facebook posts now. People posting the suicide prevention number. People giving dissertations how we need to support each other. Makes me sick just talking about.

Yeah, me too...

I can see them already

If only major depression was as simple as just feeling sad. I'm glad they don't understand it and hope they never experience it for themselves

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Yeah, me too...

I can see them already

If only major depression was as simple as just feeling sad. I'm glad they don't understand it and hope they never experience it for themselves

Maybe then more would be done

 

[Jen0804]

I can imagine the Facebook posts now. People posting the suicide prevention number. People giving dissertations how we need to support each other. Makes me sick just talking about.

Yeah, me too...

I can see them already

If only major depression was as simple as just feeling sad. I'm glad they don't understand it and hope they never experience it

Maybe then more would be done

Yeah I guess if they understood it first hand more would be done

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Has anyone else had people ghost them for long periods of time after they found out you attempted ctb or that you are/ were suicidal?

I had a friend for ten years we spoke almost every day. I attempted in January and was told I was going to die from the attempt. As soon as this friend found out , they vanished, never to be heard from again

I'm trying to understand the reasons.... I can see maybe they were just tired of it or drained, maybe they know I'll be successful some day and they can't handle it, so left to prepare for that or something


My friend isn't really pro life or pro suicide but they have an understanding of struggling in life to the extremes and depression

My time is running out now and I'm sad I'll never get to talk to them again before I complete ctb (N) in about seven weeks

Sorry this happened to you. I only ever told one friend. I wouldn't say ghosted but we don't talk all the time. We didn't before that either.
I don't think some people know how to handle it either. At least they didn't call the cops.
I won't be telling anyone else … especially before I CTB. It is sad I won't be able to say goodbye but that is how we are forced to do it.

 

[WinterIsComing]

My therapist once said people get bored when you are sad or don't get mental illness and thats why you can't talk about it.

Shitty....pretty much people have no choice than solve their problems alone :/

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

CTB is my solution.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I had a friend who claimed to have ptsd from her ex's (unconfirmed) suicide attempt. Whenever I would get a little too depressed or mention feeling suicidal, she'd ghost me. Then when she decided she needed mental health help she'd come back and "reinstate" our friendship. This happened like 4 or 5 times. I finally told her I couldn't handle the one sidedness.

 

[BlueMeanie88]

I think deep down inside, most people don't care and just consider people friends out of convenience. Of course it's comfortable to be someone's friend if you are just grabbing a coffee and chatting casually about your favorite movies. Suicide makes most people uncomfortable, so they'd rather avoid dealing with something that makes them uncomfortable.
It's in times like these you find out who your real friends are (if you have any that is).

This... so very true

 

[WinterIsComing]

This... so very true

And if you think how common is the advice today of "surround yourself with people with the same vibe or energy (like some kind of selfish vampire)".
That makes relationships more difficult...

 

[BlueMeanie88]

And if you think how common is the advice today of "surround yourself with people with the same vibe or energy (like some kind of selfish vampire)".
That makes relationships more difficult...

i absolutely hate that advice! It makes me feel I like complete crap. I have nothing good to pass onto others. It just solidifies it more that I am in fact a burden and bring everyone down with me

 

[Circles]

I've come to learn that people even ghost on here, gee go figure.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I've come to learn that people even ghost on here, gee go figure.

It is a real social norm nowadays.

Now i'm 21, i can't really speak of the world before the internet and ecspecially social media

But was "ghosting" a thing back in the day?

 

[SinisterKid]

I did not even know what the term meant until a couple of minutes ago. But now that I do, I can say I have been guilty of ghosting others and of being ghosted. But when I withdraw, I WITHDRAW, even online. I just dont care about anyone or anything and want to be left alone. Its the state of mind that does it, its nothing I do out of spite or that I mean to do it.

But people lose touch all the time as they move around for work etc. Sometimes it just happens that way. A very old acquaintance who got my e mail from a even older friend got in touch with me a couple of years ago. I told him what had been going on in my life recently, mentioned suicide attempt, never heard from him since. C'est la vie.

 

[crimea_river]

It is a real social norm nowadays.

Now i'm 21, i can't really speak of the world before the internet and ecspecially social media

But was "ghosting" a thing back in the day?

Ghosting as it's now called has always been a thing really. Something that I've certainly been guilty of and a 'victim' of I suppose.

It used to be less obvious though, so was easier to achieve with subtlety. Return calls less, ignore letters etc. In an internet connected world, it's apparent pretty quickly and I'd say happens much more frequently, due to the fact that there's more to ignore I suppose.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Usually people do ghost me but now i hace todo do it to someone i know because she is demanding an apology for something.
Insulting for days and i don't like ghosting but whatever i tell her is useless....

 

[inconsequential]

I was ghosted for so long that I eventually became the ghost. When the turns were tabled, everyone got all angry. Whatever.

 

[Jen0804]

Thanks for replying with your experiences!