People Are Starting to Notice

[Antigonish]

The other day my cousin commented on my freshly drawn scars. He was like are your cutting again. I didnt know what the eff he wanted me to say. If I say yes they'd be like you need help. So I simply told him, we're not gonna talk about. My brother talked to me for the first of his own free will in 5 months. And I dont trust it. Of course I can tell he's just fishing for something, like every other time he calls me. But his girlfriend was like you should talk to a therapist. Which are fucking expensive, atleast that's what I told her. Honestly though I'm just scared, therapist in my mind, dont fix the problem they just officially diagnose it.

My cousin told me my scars look nasty. That reminds me of my mom, she told me "You could be a model, but with those scars all over you know will ever love you." And now I'm scared to meet people. Not because im scared of sex or anything, it's natural. But because I'm scared they'll be repulsed by my scars. And honestly speaking if any saw them and didn't mention anything I'd be repulsed by them. Because that probably means they have nefarious intentions.

But my problem is they'll never go away, my scars that is, they'll only fade; however I cant stop making new ones. People judge. But after the first cut, it's an experiment. Then after that you cant stop, because cutting stops everything. And now I just really would love to CTB, to get away. Or I'd actually like to get away.