No, it wasn't rude, thank you for your advice. I try to think like this, and i know that some people might feel the same way as me, but i just feel like it doesn't match with mine. I'm trying to work on that but every time i feel like i'm acting, and i'm not myself. I just feel like we have complete opposite way of thinking and being. Even if i wanna change it's very hard. However, you're right i should focus maybe more on accepting to not always have a very interesting relationship. But all of these just seem like a lot for me haha
I'm gonna try to give a little more advice here since relationships are something i feel comfortable with, and i want to help as much as i can, i don't feel like i've said enough with my first reply.
I really like the fact that you're clearly trying to improve and be positive. Even if it all seems like a lot to you, and that's because it really is, you're already doing well in many ways, which is a great start.
I don't remember where i read this, but there was a saying that goes like this: "There are 3 versions of you. One you show to most people, One to people that are close to you, and the last you only show to yourself", So really, in most relationships in life, we are "Lite" versions of ourselves, but that's not a bad thing necessarily.
Giving a personal example, my class in college has about 50 people. I'd say that i have a good, friendly relationship with all of them. However, with the exception of my closest friends, i don't know much about everyone else. I can't tell you their interests, hobbies, anything like that, but i still like to spend time with them.
One more specific example is a classmate of mine that, everytime we see each other for the first time in a day, we can't just say "hi" and shake hands, we have to hug, i don't even know why we do it, but it's nice. I don't know a whole lot about him, but damn, i adore that dude, cuz he's just so nice and friendly.
I think that's the key aspect here, with most people, relations aren't going to be too deep, that's normal cuz the human brain can't even keep up with to many relationships if they're all to profound. Most of the time it comes down to just being nice and friendly, most people will be nice and friendly in return, and it feels good to give and receive these positive vibes. That's why in a class of 50, i can say that i like everyone there, and have a good relationship, even friendship, with them. It's just a matter of saying "hi" every day, asking people how they've been, small talk about hobbies and interests, not thinking too much about it, just being gentle.
Now, i know you're looking for something more than that, but from my experience, this is how it all starts, those friendships of a life time, they start with a simple greeting and small talk, you just do that every day until it starts going further naturally, more for some people than others, and then you make the distinction of "colleague" and "friend".
Keep working hard, and i'm sure that eventually you'll defeat all loneliness with the help of some people you genuinely like. Until then, if you have trouble and feel a need for help, or maybe even just to vent, this place is full of people willing to help as much as they can. Good luck!
