_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,109
It feels like going through quicksand honestly, there are so many distractions and so many reasons to postpone and even though it makes no sense to procrastinate, I can't help but just stay in my misery and wait for the "right" moment if that even exists.
Im so afraid that i am a burden to others but at the same time i just can't help it, my life is just crap and i have exactly 0% energy and motivation left, i just wait for a ctb partner to finally get over with this..
I feel soo pathetic and low, i feel paralyzed and ashamed of me for not being successful but at the same time i know its just too much for me, i feel ashamed that i go my own way and disappoint everyone but at the same time i know its my life and my decision. I fear being an idiot and making everyone cringe. I really fear being seen as a failure and being judged. Depression really sucks and im not sure if its my fault or just random genetics and environment.. it sucks, if i had everything for a successful and safe ctb, i would have taken the chance, i should have taken the chance long time ago..
I feel wo exhaued for no reason, everything is agony and the worst thing is the damn ringing in my ear, exactly when i try to rest and then the insomnia, its torture...........
I wish i would be more social but i dont even have the energy to properly respond, i feel shitty for just posting stuff and then leaving because nothing motivates me.. i hate it all, this is not my life, ive become an empty shell filled with negativity and cringiness.. ughhh
I don't even know if im just lying to myself, maybe im just a shitty person and i deserve this, i feel so low and like going through thig fog..
Im so afraid that i am a burden to others but at the same time i just can't help it, my life is just crap and i have exactly 0% energy and motivation left, i just wait for a ctb partner to finally get over with this..
I feel soo pathetic and low, i feel paralyzed and ashamed of me for not being successful but at the same time i know its just too much for me, i feel ashamed that i go my own way and disappoint everyone but at the same time i know its my life and my decision. I fear being an idiot and making everyone cringe. I really fear being seen as a failure and being judged. Depression really sucks and im not sure if its my fault or just random genetics and environment.. it sucks, if i had everything for a successful and safe ctb, i would have taken the chance, i should have taken the chance long time ago..
I feel wo exhaued for no reason, everything is agony and the worst thing is the damn ringing in my ear, exactly when i try to rest and then the insomnia, its torture...........
I wish i would be more social but i dont even have the energy to properly respond, i feel shitty for just posting stuff and then leaving because nothing motivates me.. i hate it all, this is not my life, ive become an empty shell filled with negativity and cringiness.. ughhh
I don't even know if im just lying to myself, maybe im just a shitty person and i deserve this, i feel so low and like going through thig fog..