Wow, I am so terrified to post on here. I feel even more worthless than some suicidal people on here. I did that thing where I fucked everything up because I thought I'd be dead by then - well, turns out I'm not. It's been months, at this point. I don't just feel like a 14 year old in a 26-year-old's body but a five year old, running away from everything in life, all responsibilities and hoping it will all go away or turn out differently or someone else will deal with it for me. I want to go back to a year ago and tell myself not to freak myself out by projecting myself years into the future, but then I think I'd just make the same mistakes anyway. I want to go back to when I was 12 and redo some things, but then I think I'd just end up in the same place because I'm me, so I want to be someone else, but I can't so what's the best thing? Being gone. I can barely picture myself living tomorrow, much less to the end of my natural life. My extreme anxiety right now just sees death EVERYWHERE - you can die at any time and I need to be able to support myself and my siblings but I literally have zero skills and have even let my hygiene go at this point. Everyone around me has issues and they deal with them so well and I just do not, I just want to be gone so I can avoid life and all the pain that comes with it. There are people who survived living 100 years after the holocaust, why am I such a fucking wimp??
Also hi this is my first post on here, my stupid brain is even anxious about making a good first impression on a suicide forum.... sorry I'm so incoherent.
Also hi this is my first post on here, my stupid brain is even anxious about making a good first impression on a suicide forum.... sorry I'm so incoherent.
