aforestfire
"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
- Dec 17, 2022
- 89
my symptoms of mental illness got way worse this year, and by that i mean the ones i can't hide; i don't take care of myself anymore, and i mostly don't get out of the bed nor go outside. my mom says that i wasn't always like that, that i used to be happier or whatever, when actually i'm unhappy since the day i started having memories; i've been presenting "problematic behaviors" since i was a child, and it all got ignored. it's so invalidating, like i turned out like that in one week for no reason.
i tried reaching out for help so many times when i was a pre-teen, she just brushed it off and eventually forgot. the only thing my mom talks about is god and how much i'll suffer in hell if i choose suicide.
i'm tired of wanting to get better, i'm tired of so many things, how you're supposed to live when you're scared of everything? trying feels useless when i have no one to help me with it, and i'm the most low-fuctioning human ever, i couldn't move to save my own life. the only sane thing i could do for myself is just end with it already, which i'm working on. i'm worn out, each day i stay here i get more convinced that i was supposed have died when i was 7, then wouldn't have to deal with any of this.
i tried reaching out for help so many times when i was a pre-teen, she just brushed it off and eventually forgot. the only thing my mom talks about is god and how much i'll suffer in hell if i choose suicide.
i'm tired of wanting to get better, i'm tired of so many things, how you're supposed to live when you're scared of everything? trying feels useless when i have no one to help me with it, and i'm the most low-fuctioning human ever, i couldn't move to save my own life. the only sane thing i could do for myself is just end with it already, which i'm working on. i'm worn out, each day i stay here i get more convinced that i was supposed have died when i was 7, then wouldn't have to deal with any of this.