Venting Parents are horrible

[somniummalum]

My parents have ruined me. I wonder why I don't ever get used to the emotional pain the cause me to feel, they are still, after all the suffering they caused me in the past, capable of hurting me again and again. Seems like I don't ever learn?
Today, I had a glimmer of hope in my life, which was taken away immediatly by my mother. Half a year ago I applied for a very good rehabilitation facility, usually you have to wait +1 year to get to do the therapy. The doctor called me today, said since some people canceled, I could come as soon as next week (which is insanely lucky)!
I've been very suicidal the last few month, but this incident made me think "maybe I'll just give this a chance..."

So I happily called my mother, telling her the good news. Her reaction broke my heart really.
First thing she said: "what?! that would cost a fortune, wouldn't it?!! you are just crazy. Son, you DON'T HAVE ANY ILLNESS, STOP COMPLAINING, just go find a job, then you won't even think about feeling bad! I promise to you, I will not pay anything for this, forget about it"
I did not ask her for money or anything, I just told her the news.

I told her she can go fuck herself and hung up the phone.
How can she be so heartless? She knows how suicidal, depressed I am.

Man, I'm in so much pain right now. I just want out ASAP. This fucking SN just needs to arrive.
Am I in the wrong here? Her words get to my head so much... even though I know it's bs...

Any thoughts from you guys to this situation would help...

 

[ArtySchopenhauer]

Hey, dude, I can relate to that a lot. My parents have been emotionally neglectful and abusive since I was a child. Honestly, most people see a child as a plaything, or as something "you just have" at one point in life. Some people breed so they can have something to take care of them, or to love them "uncondiontally." All parents, are, I think, advertently or inadvertently, cruel.

It's terrible to hear what happened to you, dude. I'd reccomend you don't share your private news. If it's possible, you should go no-contact with your mother. She obviously can't emphatize with you, or doesn't want to. You're not in the wrong in any way. She obviously has a pernicious influence on you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Sorry if this post is somehow wrong or innaproriate, I'm posting here for the first time.

Hope things go better for you soon.

 

[autumnal]

My parents have ruined me. I wonder why I don't ever get used to the emotional pain the cause me to feel, they are still, after all the suffering they caused me in the past, capable of hurting me again and again. Seems like I don't ever learn?
Today, I had a glimmer of hope in my life, which was taken away immediatly by my mother. Half a year ago I applied for a very good rehabilitation facility, usually you have to wait +1 year to get to do the therapy. The doctor called me today, said since some people canceled, I could come as soon as next week (which is insanely lucky)!
I've been very suicidal the last few month, but this incident made me think "maybe I'll just give this a chance..."

So I happily called my mother, telling her the good news. Her reaction broke my heart really.
First thing she said: "what?! that would cost a fortune, wouldn't it?!! you are just crazy. Son, you DON'T HAVE ANY ILLNESS, STOP COMPLAINING, just go find a job, then you won't even think about feeling bad! I promise to you, I will not pay anything for this, forget about it"
I did not ask her for money or anything, I just told her the news.

I told her she can go fuck herself and hung up the phone.
How can she be so heartless? She knows how suicidal, depressed I am.

Man, I'm in so much pain right now. I just want out ASAP. This fucking SN just needs to arrive.
Am I in the wrong here? Her words get to my head so much... even though I know it's bs...

Any thoughts from you guys to this situation would help...

I think you should definitely go and give the rehabilitation facility a chance! Remember, all the phone call confirmed was what you already knew – that your mother seems horrible. Nothing about the call changes anything else in your life. Everything you needed to know about going to the facility was already in place before you called her – it has a great reputation, you were fortunate to get in and you genuinely feel like giving it a chance.

 

[somniummalum]

Hey, dude, I can relate to that a lot. My parents have been emotionally neglectful and abusive since I was a child. Honestly, most people see a child as a plaything, or as something "you just have" at one point in life. Some people breed so they can have something to take care of them, or to love them "uncondiontally." All parents, are, I think, advertently or inadvertently, cruel.

It's terrible to hear what happened to you, dude. I'd reccomend you don't share your private news. If it's possible, you should go no-contact with your mother. She obviously can't emphatize with you, or doesn't want to. You're not in the wrong in any way. She obviously has a pernicious influence on you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Sorry if this post is somehow wrong or innaproriate, I'm posting here for the first time.

Hope things go better for you soon.

Thanks for you kind words... I think it is definetly time to stop all contact with my mother.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I'd agree with the earlier post, I'd go no contact with your family if it's within your means. You aren't in the wrong, your mom is a narcissistic cow like mine that pretends she has some special insight into life.

Anyone that tries to control you, abuse you, or alienate you is not your family. You are not obligated to be a part of their life even if you are related by blood.

 

[somniummalum]

I'd agree with the earlier post, I'd go no contact with your family if it's within your means. You aren't in the wrong, your mom is a narcissistic cow like mine that pretends she has some special insight into life.

Anyone that tries to control you, abuse you, or alienate you is not your family. You are not obligated to be a part of their life even if you are related by blood.

I know no contact is the right thing, but then I am even more alone in this world.

 

[choosingmydestiny]

I feel for you man your feelings are so valid and you are very courageous for getting the help you deserve!
you are not the crazy one here! your mother seems like a very toxic person.
I can speak from experience that toxic people kill you on the inside....

I wish you the best

Hey, dude, I can relate to that a lot. My parents have been emotionally neglectful and abusive since I was a child. Honestly, most people see a child as a plaything, or as something "you just have" at one point in life. Some people breed so they can have something to take care of them, or to love them "uncondiontally." All parents, are, I think, advertently or inadvertently, cruel.

It's terrible to hear what happened to you, dude. I'd reccomend you don't share your private news. If it's possible, you should go no-contact with your mother. She obviously can't emphatize with you, or doesn't want to. You're not in the wrong in any way. She obviously has a pernicious influence on you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Sorry if this post is somehow wrong or innaproriate, I'm posting here for the first time.

Hope things go better for you soon.

I can stand behind your opinion! I don't think its innapropriate at all. ;)

 

[HeavyOne]

I can relate to each word!
I know that feeling too, the scariest of all...cutting every contact with my mother made me feel s**t, put me even in a darker place. I felt worthless (palese, remember...narcissist are brilliant playing the silence game, they always win) as she did not make any step forward. Every time I tried, I was the one who made the first move as I couldn't bear that feeling of being guilty, being the wrong one. Somehow, I believed I needed her in my life; years of abuses (psychological and physical) created a pattern in my mind it was hard to break.
There's a positive note: once I keept walking away with no head turing to her (hope it make sense...English is not my native tongue) I started feeling lighter, more grounded, more energies in my body and mind as there are no these emotional rollercoster she creates. I left behind a huge luggage.
And with more energies, with no fear of listening to bad words...who knows what may happen?

I'm greatful to every member who replied: your words are helping me alot. I will save your messages!

Most important thing: congratulation for your new opportunity! Such a beautiful sign from universe! And you deserve it all! Asking for help underlines how much strong you are, how many beautiful tools you have inside!

 

[somniummalum]

I can relate to each word!
I know that feeling too, the scariest of all...cutting every contact with my mother made me feel s**t, put me even in a darker place. I felt worthless (palese, remember...narcissist are brilliant playing the silence game, they always win) as she did not make any step forward. Every time I tried, I was the one who made the first move as I couldn't bear that feeling of being guilty, being the wrong one. Somehow, I believed I needed her in my life; years of abuses (psychological and physical) created a pattern in my mind it was hard to break.
There's a positive note: once I keept walking away with no head turing to her (hope it make sense...English is not my native tongue) I started feeling lighter, more grounded, more energies in my body and mind as there are no these emotional rollercoster she creates. I left behind a huge luggage.
And with more energies, with no fear of listening to bad words...who knows what may happen?

I'm greatful to every member who replied: your words are helping me alot. I will save your messages!

Most important thing: congratulation for your new opportunity! Such a beautiful sign from universe! And you deserve it all! Asking for help underlines how much strong you are, how many beautiful tools you have inside!

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[autumnal]

I know no contact is the right thing, but then I am even more alone in this world.

I would suggest you end up feeling more alone through wanting love from your mother but not receiving it, than you would by not expecting anything from her and having no contact.

 

[Heavy]

I agree, I would enjoy parents getting executed.

Your mother like all mothers are evil witches.

Ignore her is my advice. Cut all contact with her.

 

[Epsilon0]

I would suggest you end up feeling more alone through wanting love from your mother but not receiving it, than you would by not expecting anything from her and having no contact.

Nothing cuts like begging for love only to be shown the door. It's definitely better to not desire and expect anything, than to do so and be let down.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

My parents are generally lovely people which makes it even more brutal when they call me selfish or stupid for being suicidal.

 

[Meowkin]

It sounds like she thought the worst of you. It hurts when you're being judged and it hurts even more when you're unfairly judged and thought the worst of.

It's natural to want to interact and share things with people especially with parents. Unfortunately, for some of us, it just brings pain.

I hope you're all right. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Scooby-Doo]

I'm scared to tell my parents anything and they would make me feel worse. They'd just have a go at me which would push me over the edge. I don't see them much and try to be myself when around them but it's getting very hard to do these days.

 

[somniummalum]

I'm scared to tell my parents anything and they would make me feel worse. They'd just have a go at me which would push me over the edge. I don't see them much and try to be myself when around them but it's getting very hard to do these days.

Yup, that's what it does to me too. It pushes me over the edge.

 

[Scooby-Doo]

Yup, that's what it does to me too. It pushes me over the edge.
[/QUO
Your mum's wrong, its the complete opposite to what she says. I don't want to go down that road with my mum because she might say same and I've had enough already.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I laughed out loud at the sentence where you told her to go fuck herself and hung up.

I agree with all others who suggest she is toxic and to go no contact.

My mother is similar. She never changed and has no desire to. I have had so many conversations similar to yours that are such an utter WTF? We have been no contact for several years, actually by her instigation, discarding me for not agreeing I wasn't abused and actually requesting help for physical issues that resulted from the abuse. Then a few years later I lurked her Facebook account and she posted an old photo of us as her profile pic, and was speaking for me to people who commented! I contacted her and made threats to out her if she didn't delete the photo completely, took a bit for her to comply but it was more important for her to maintain her story that we were still in contact and had a loving relationship, and I have had no relationship with those people for years, it wasn't undermining anything in my life, so that's fine, she screws herself trying to maintain the lies. She's old, I have no need to yank her social support from under her as she always did me, I don't need the power, I don't need to oppress her, I have my own power over myself.

No contact has been freeing, and it's taken years for me to work through it and really experience the benefit. It takes time to heal from loving so much someone who was a primary attachment and so utterly wacko, assaulting with no just cause in a variety of ways, and yet still human and not without some good qualities and good moments, and worthy of compassion -- but not protection, or pleasing, which it was always vehemently put on me to do. It's hard to break free of the mindfuck, but I've benefitted so much from the effort. For me it was a process of gaining more of my own foundations the more I released the false ones, getting a firm attachment with myself rather than the fucked-up one with my mother. I got a lot of support from YouTube videos about narcisstic parents, and the books Boundaries and In Sheep's Clothing (if you're interested, you can search for my threads about maintaining boundaries and manipulation tactics for more information and a review of the books with what helped and what caveats I recommend being aware of, and a few other books that have served, but I don't want to push anything on you that you're not seeking so didn't link the threads).

Narcissism tactics have the same effects on the brain as drug addiction, according to what I've read. It takes awhile to get out of that, I hope you'll be forgiving of yourself as you work to get free of her and anything else that bothers you. If I can offer one thing that really helped me, it's to be aware of returning to the slot machine of hope -- you may occasionally get rewards for returning, but the jackpot never happens with someone like this. The less I invest of my personal resources, the more I have them for myself. I don't feel alone, I feel like I'm with my own self and am properly nourished. I don't know what the journey will look like for you, but that has been mine.

Wishing for your well-being and self-determination, and sending much respect and compassion.

 

[somniummalum]

I laughed out loud at the sentence where you told her to go fuck herself and hung up.

I agree with all others who suggest she is toxic and to go no contact.

My mother is similar. She never changed and has no desire to. I have had so many conversations similar to yours that are such an utter WTF? We have been no contact for several years, actually by her instigation, discarding me for not agreeing I wasn't abused and actually requesting help for physical issues that resulted from the abuse. Then a few years later I lurked her Facebook account and she posted an old photo of us as her profile pic, and was speaking for me to people who commented! I contacted her and made threats to out her if she didn't delete the photo completely, took a bit for her to comply but it was more important for her to maintain her story that we were still in contact and had a loving relationship, and I have had no relationship with those people for years, it wasn't undermining anything in my life, so that's fine, she screws herself trying to maintain the lies. She's old, I have no need to yank her social support from under her as she always did me, I don't need the power, I don't need to oppress her, I have my own power over myself.

No contact has been freeing, and it's taken years for me to work through it and really experience the benefit. It takes time to heal from loving so much someone who was a primary attachment and so utterly wacko, assaulting with no just cause in a variety of ways, and yet still human and not without some good qualities and good moments, and worthy of compassion -- but not protection, or pleasing, which it was always vehemently put on me to do. It's hard to break free of the mindfuck, but I've benefitted so much from the effort. For me it was a process of gaining more of my own foundations the more I released the false ones, getting a firm attachment with myself rather than the fucked-up one with my mother. I got a lot of support from YouTube videos about narcisstic parents, and the books Boundaries and In Sheep's Clothing (if you're interested, you can search for my threads about maintaining boundaries and manipulation tactics for more information and a review of the books with what helped and what caveats I recommend being aware of, and a few other books that have served, but I don't want to push anything on you that you're not seeking so didn't link the threads).

Narcissism tactics have the same effects on the brain as drug addiction, according to what I've read. It takes awhile to get out of that, I hope you'll be forgiving of yourself as you work to get free of her and anything else that bothers you. If I can offer one thing that really helped me, it's to be aware of returning to the slot machine of hope -- you may occasionally get rewards for returning, but the jackpot never happens with someone like this. The less I invest of my personal resources, the more I have them for myself. I don't feel alone, I feel like I'm with my own self and am properly nourished. I don't know what the journey will look like for you, but that has been mine.

Wishing for your well-being and self-determination, and sending much respect and compassion.

Thanks for your comment and thanks for sharing such a lot of great information about narcisstisic people, I will definetly look into your threads about that.
What really resonated with me was "the slot matchine of hope". That's literally just how it is. Sometimes it gives you small rewards, but in the end it just fucking drains you until you're empty.
What is worst for me is that she tries to manipulate me emotionally. Even now she tries so hard to make me feel guilty, she texts me things like: "after all the effort I put in you, you still feel bad" etc etc. You get what I mean.

For the first time in my life, I actually meet people that are on my side, that have unfortunatly experienced similar things, that know what it's really like to be abused and manipulated by "loved ones". Seeing that people can make it through rough situations like that gives me hope, truly. I am so thankful for that.

Unfortunatly my financial situation is not good enough to buy books (the ones you suggested to me), but I will for sure read your threads and watch some YouTube.
Anyways, fuck my parents.

 

[C_F]

Yup, that's what it does to me too. It pushes me over the edge.

@somniummalum @Scooby-Doo

Push over the edge...

Feel you both there. That's why I'm at this point. It hurts so bad. What a parents neglect can do to you is astonishing.

 

[Csmith8827]

Parents are trash. Especially once you grow up and realize how stupid the world really is. It's just shitty to have hundreds of years of history and human rights/libertions thrown away because of your parents/ some deity in the sky? Like wtf is up with that???

 

[Green Destiny]

You're not anywhere near the wrong, your mom is.

 

[Alec]

Your mother is a real fucking bitch who SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED to be a mother, she doesn't deserve to be called "Mother" FUCK HER! You did right telling her to fuck off and hanging up. My mother is VERY similar. And that shit "just go find a job and you won't even think about your problems" WTF IS THIS KIND OF ADVICE?!?! What exactly does it solve?! First any job is a billion times harder with mental illness and second since when did avoiding and running away from problems ever solved them?! With mental illness it would only get worse if one tries to run away from it and ignore it. She's stupid and clearly doesn't understand anything about mental illness or about how to cope with any problem or issue at all and so she lashes out at you just so that she doesn't have to admit that she's stupid and has to do some learning. She's scared of what she doesn't understand, so she tries to convince you that the problem is you and not her, which of course is BULLSHIT! She is the problem, NOT you!

And congratulations on getting the spot!! I hope you will get to go! I really really really do! You deserve to get help, the best kind of help! You seem amazing and genuine and kind and real. I love you! And hope you know you are not alone, I'm with you, even if I'm not physically with you, I'm thinking about you!

 

[somniummalum]

Your mother is a real fucking bitch who SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED to be a mother, she doesn't deserve to be called "Mother" FUCK HER! You did right telling her to fuck off and hanging up. My mother is VERY similar. And that shit "just go find a job and you won't even think about your problems" WTF IS THIS KIND OF ADVICE?!?! What exactly does it solve?! First any job is a billion times harder with mental illness and second since when did avoiding and running away from problems ever solved them?! With mental illness it would only get worse if one tries to run away from it and ignore it. She's stupid and clearly doesn't understand anything about mental illness or about how to cope with any problem or issue at all and so she lashes out at you just so that she doesn't have to admit that she's stupid and has to do some learning. She's scared of what she doesn't understand, so she tries to convince you that the problem is you and not her, which of course is BULLSHIT! She is the problem, NOT you!

And congratulations on getting the spot!! I hope you will get to go! I really really really do! You deserve to get help, the best kind of help! You seem amazing and genuine and kind and real. I love you! And hope you know you are not alone, I'm with you, even if I'm not physically with you, I'm thinking about you!❤❤❤

Thank you so much for you thoughts. It gives me strength. I love you too, I love all of you guys.