Venting Paranoid schizophrenic and about to be homeless

[SchizophrenicFantasy]

This is my first post here so I'll keep it short I'm paranoid schizophrenic.. Every day of my life as long as i can remember has been tormented by horrible delusions and hallucinations followed by the realization that I'm probably crazy.. My family has given up on me.. They told me that if I'm going to ctb to not get blood on everything as it never comes out after it's dry.. I'm so tired everyday i haven't worked in 3 weeks because I'm off my meds and having symptoms and i can't shake this depression I'm in.. I'm at peace with death. I know that I'm going to lose my house in two weeks and i already have my fiance going to her moms house when it happens with the youngest child and my other two older children will go to my parents. I will be completely alone and without anywhere to go. What do you all think I should do? I've waited 3 full weeks to make sure I'm absolutely positive i wanna die.. Nothing has changed and I'm still 100% at peace and ready to die. Not to mention the meds have stopped working. I'm ready to stop suffering so much I'm tired of being defined by my diagnoses by everyone, all i want is to move on forever.

 

[Zorya]

First of all, your family is very cruel treating you like this. You obviously need their support. I believe you wouldn't have to ctb if you had your family's support.
Can't you sue them for financial support? Where I live you can sue your parents if you can't work and earn. Any social support available?

 

[SchizophrenicFantasy]

First of all, your family is very cruel treating you like this. You obviously need their support. I believe you wouldn't have to ctb if you had your family's support.
Can't you sue them for financial support? Where I live you can sue your parents if you can't work and earn. Any social support available?

My family told me to do it already because i talk about it all the time ha... And i use to go to therapy regularly but i stopped because he told me i was faking everything and just pushed ssri meds on me along with max doses of abilify and propranalol as well as LOTS of trazodone

 

[Zorya]

SSRIs are for depressed housewives. Get money, you will feel better once your situation is stabilized. Don't give up, survive, that would be a big f*ck you to the ones who abandoned you.

 

[StellaArtoix]

Hey I'm so sorry for what your going thru I really am. You said you stopped your medication three weeks ago and since then have not been able to work. You also said that since then you have been very depressed. Do you think it may help to go back on your medication? I say that because I'm also on medication which if I do not take it regularly, my symptoms start raising their head again. I do understand what it is like to suffer delusions and hallucinations. I also understand how debilitating they are. For those reasons I wonder if some of those feelings you r having are because you have suddenly stopped meds? As such I do think that maybe you need to think again about your decision to CTB. That decision needs to be made when your thoughts are more clear and it doesnt sound like they are at the moment from what your saying. This is only my opinion and of course what works for me may not necessarily work for you. Its such a shame that your not getting the support from your family. Is there someone, a friend that you can talk to about what's going on for you? It sounds like you could really do with a friend right now. If you feel like talking anytime I'm here.

 

[SchizophrenicFantasy]

Hey I'm so sorry for what your going thru I really am. You said you stopped your medication three weeks ago and since then have not been able to work. You also said that since then you have been very depressed. Do you think it may help to go back on your medication? I say that because I'm also on medication which if I do not take it regularly, my symptoms start raising their head again. I do understand what it is like to suffer delusions and hallucinations. I also understand how debilitating they are. For those reasons I wonder if some of those feelings you r having are because you have suddenly stopped meds? As such I do think that maybe you need to think again about your decision to CTB. That decision needs to be made when your thoughts are more clear and it doesnt sound like they are at the moment from what your saying. Is there someone, a friend that you can talk to about what's going on for you? It sounds like you could really do with a friend right now. If you feel like talking anytime I'm here.

Thank you and i stopped taking my meds because i felt this way yes they probably helped to some degree but the physical toll they extracted on my body was so much and i was always tired and depressed. HOWEVER, that being said i can give them another week if i need to and see if my mind changes..

 

[schopenh]

First of all, your family is very cruel treating you like this. You obviously need their support. I believe you wouldn't have to ctb if you had your family's support.
Can't you sue them for financial support? Where I live you can sue your parents if you can't work and earn. Any social support available?

While I am not going to comment on this particular situation since we only ever typically hear one version of a story on a medium like this, people can't reasonably be expected to allow a person in their life who is a consistent massive drain that massively impacts their own well-being and emotional health.

 

[Zorya]

While I am not going to comment on this particular situation since we only ever typically hear one version of a story on a medium like this, people can't reasonably be expected to allow a person in their life who is a consistent massive drain that massively impacts their own well-being and emotional health.

Meaning dump them because it's too much of a burden. My family except of one person dumped me too because I'm mental.

 

[schopenh]

Meaning dump them because it's too much of a burden. My family except of one person dumped me too because I'm mental.

Yea, my dad has a long list of diagnoses, the main ones being bipolar and depression (which he is heavily medicated for). He's also an alcoholic and a narcissist. He is a melting pot who inflicts misery on anyone who allows it. He's truly a black hole. I felt bad at the time but I had to say goodbye after 25 years of it. I don't really feel any obligation to him. If he actually wanted to CTB himself I'd support it so that he could end his own and everyone else's suffering.
This is definitely an 'unpopular opinion', so I'm just going to be clear that I'm not saying it to get a rise out of anyone. And I don't care for angry responses and usually block the people doing them.

 

[Zorya]

Yea, my dad has a long list of diagnoses, the main ones being bipolar and depression (which he is heavily medicated for). He's also an alcoholic and a narcissist. He is a melting pot who inflicts misery on anyone who allows it. He's truly a black hole. I felt bad at the time but I had to say goodbye after 25 years of it. I don't really feel any obligation to him. If he actually wanted to CTB himself I'd support it so that he could end his own and everyone else's suffering.
This is definitely an 'unpopular opinion', so I'm just going to be clear that I'm not saying it to get a rise out of anyone. And I don't care for angry responses and usually block the people doing them.

I get you, but the situation with the OP seems different. He's not a predator torturing his family for 25 years.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I don't know if I have any solutions for you, but I want to express my sympathies. Your family sounds very cruel if that's how they've reacted to your suggestions of suicide. A loving family would express concern and offer support. Perhaps they don't believe you and are trying to call your bluff, but it is still irresponsible and cruel.

I'm assuming you're not speaking about your fiancée and your children, though, correct? If things are fine on that front, it sounds like you have the promise of a happier life with them and without the more hostile family members. And find a different therapist. They should never tell you that you're "faking." They need to take you seriously.

 

[StellaArtoix]

Yea, my dad has a long list of diagnoses, the main ones being bipolar and depression (which he is heavily medicated for). He's also an alcoholic and a narcissist. He is a melting pot who inflicts misery on anyone who allows it. He's truly a black hole. I felt bad at the time but I had to say goodbye after 25 years of it. I don't really feel any obligation to him. If he actually wanted to CTB himself I'd support it so that he could end his own and everyone else's suffering.
This is definitely an 'unpopular opinion', so I'm just going to be clear that I'm not saying it to get a rise out of anyone. And I don't care for angry responses and usually block the people doing them.

I absoutley understand where you are coming from and Im so sad to hear how sick your dad is. That must have been incredibly hard for you growing up with a mentally ill parent. No one can say what that is really like unless they have been through it. I dont imagine you have ever been fortunate to have a real relationship with your dad because of his mental illness and thats incredibly sad. Im sure you would give anything to have a dad that was able to give you what you needed. Anyone that gets angry with you for saying how it was for you doesnt understand what it was like to be in your shoes. Your very brave to talk about it, i admire you.

 

[airboy_a380]

My family told me to do it already because i talk about it all the time ha... And i use to go to therapy regularly but i stopped because he told me i was faking everything and just pushed ssri meds on me along with max doses of abilify and propranalol as well as LOTS of trazodone

Wow your family sounds very cold. Trazodone didnt help me, hope it helps you. Can't welfare find you a place to stay at least?

 

[StellaArtoix]

Thank you and i stopped taking my meds because i felt this way yes they probably helped to some degree but the physical toll they extracted on my body was so much and i was always tired and depressed. HOWEVER, that being said i can give them another week if i need to and see if my mind changes..

My apologies, I misunderstood you.Yes they take an awfull toll on your body. The first time i was ever put on an antipsychotics i put on 30kg within two months. Thats not normal and its incredibly bad for your health putting on such huge amounts of weight like that. I also felt like my brain was in a constant fuzz and I hated the way that felt. I didnt stay on those meds and thank god i lost all that weight too. I have been on several different types since and am now on a medication which feels a bit better. Im really sorry about what your parents said to you regarding CTB. Thats not something anyone should hear least of all from their own parents.

 

[Fallun777]

Need to think of your children they are innocent in this. I say screw your family but them saying "Dont get blood on the floor" sounds like there not making a big deal about it because they dont know how to react or you have threatened suicide in the past. That's something my Dad would have said. Your job is to raise those kids. Can you not come up with a game plan and if it fails then I guess explore your options? Ask for an extension on your rent (I did not think you could be evicted during Covid)? What country do you live in? Can you not make an appointment to see your Doctor and tell them your meds aren't working I need help. It's your life, I'm pro choice definitely but when kids are involved that bothers me because they love you unconditionally. There is help out there if you want it. I'd like to see you fight and give your family the middle finger (not your kids, fiance). Could you be in withdrawal? I would say come up with a plan and get help. I wish you the best. Take a day just for you and do some thinking. If you were in my country I'd help you with resources.

 

[schopenh]

I absoutley understand where you are coming from and Im so sad to hear how sick your dad is. That must have been incredibly hard for you growing up with a mentally ill parent. No one can say what that is really like unless they have been through it. I dont imagine you have ever been fortunate to have a real relationship with your dad because of his mental illness and thats incredibly sad. Im sure you would give anything to have a dad that was able to give you what you needed. Anyone that gets angry with you for saying how it was for you doesnt understand what it was like to be in your shoes. Your very brave to talk about it, i admire you.

Thank you for your kind words

 

[LittleJem]

I think we can all get to a point when it is enough suffering. How long have you been feeling this way and this decided for? If it has a chance of improving, then it could be worth hanging in there....but if you have been decided for a year, or two years, or several years, than that is a different story. Saying that, you've said 3 weeks - which doesn't seem that long.

Is there anything that can help with the housing situation - and what is your relationship currently with your fiancé? That sounds tough that is happening.

I did hear of the use of a supplement called Sarcosine for schizophrenic depression....it could be worth looking into. It's one of the many I bought to self-treat myself, but I don't take stuff consistently enough...

OP, what do you want in an ideal world?
I mean in this situation sorry. The world is not ideal! By a long shot.

 

[StellaArtoix]

Thank you for your kind words

I meant every word. I know what it's like to be where you are. Dont ever feel like you need to justify why you feel the way you do. Your feelings are valid and they're yours. If you ever need an ear I'm here. Hugs to you.