Panicking been having increasing suicidal ideation again I wish I could make this stop

[Final Escape]

I'm feeling that desperate adrenalized uncomfortable feeling where u could become actively suicidal if it keeps going. It really started today or yesterday maybe. I even blocked someone who was a friend but I had devalued him bc of the borderline personality disorder. So ever since this devaluation things had never been the same again. I can't reidealize him again even if I want to. It's like it just died. Anyway I'm just scared that I'm losing control again. I'm thinking I will begin my ctb plans this week. I tasted my N but I'm so worried it will be hard to drink it all down. It's so fucking bitter. I know there's things u can do to help with that prior to drinking. Otherwise I would do the SN method I guess. Both lol! Jus kiddin!

 

[Sensei]

One thing is for sure and that is that you're not in a state of mind where you should make the decision to take the final step. Think this through. I assume that blocking your friend triggered your distress. Can this be solved in some way?

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

You see your suicidal thoughts which means you still have control. Don't forget to breathe deeply when you find your mind running away. Just that one simple motion can be enough to center you again. It works for me when I remember to do it.

When you are this rushed, this hassled, this frustrated, this unsure, it is no time to make major decisions.

This is not a place for quick decisions. This is a place for serious thought and preparation and to lean on folks who want to help. We are here. Let us help. Hang on.

 

[Final Escape]

You see your suicidal thoughts which means you still have control. Don't forget to breathe deeply when you find your mind running away. Just that one simple motion can be enough to center you again. It works for me when I remember to do it.

When you are this rushed, this hassled, this frustrated, this unsure, it is no time to make major decisions.

This is not a place for quick decisions. This is a place for serious thought and preparation and to lean on folks who want to help. We are here. Let us help. Hang on.

Thank u

One thing is for sure and that is that you're not in a state of mind where you should make the decision to take the final step. Think this through. I assume that blocking your friend triggered your distress. Can this be solved in some way?

I Dont think so.

 

[Sensei]

I Dont think so.

Have you managed to reidealize anyone before?

 

[Pan]

I know all about that adrenaline feeling you speak of and it certainly is scary. This is why I have been drinking (beer) daily.
Any thing to numb me out. Events appear to reaching a head, leading me to consider ctb.

 

[lofistos345]

When I have suicidal thoughts I feel really awful. I've been like this for this weekend. It sucks.

Once I went to the hospital and asked them to shut me down. I told them I was having horrible voices in my head. Then I asked for a specific combo of drugs that shut me down for the whole night. Next day I wake up much better. (I don't remember the name of the antipsychotic)

 

[Pan]

I've been having suicidal thoughts for sometime now and attribute it to my dear wife's death a year ago.
Since then , I have been bolting down at least a six pack daily. Anything to numb me out.

 

[lofistos345]

I've been having suicidal thoughts for sometime now and attribute it to my dear wife's death a year ago.
Since then , I have been bolting down at least a six pack daily. Anything to numb me out.

How long have the two been together? At least you had a companion.

 

[Pan]

I was married for 25.5 years; her loss was sudden and I unexpected. When I wake up in the morning i half expect to see he.

 

[issyishere]

The transition from becoming passively suicidal fo actively suicidal is always jarring and leaves you feeling rattled. Hold off on the N for 2 weeksish and proceed from there whichever way you choose if you can. I'm so sorry you're going through this

 

[Ghost2211]

Please do take the time to talk to us for support, and don't ctb impulsively.

some things I do to take my mind off ctb is watch documentaries, play iPad games, and play with stress toys. You could try guided Meditation or music as well.

 

[Final Escape]

Have you managed to reidealize anyone before?

Yea but it's not the same as the first time, since I remember what was disappointing about the person.

How long have the two been together? At least you had a companion.

We were seeing each other for some months but it was a very like once a week thing. We weren't real serious and I know it could not be. I'm just too erratic with complex ptsd and bpd.

 

[Sensei]

We were seeing each other for some months but it was a very like once a week thing. We weren't real serious and I know it could not be. I'm just too erratic with complex ptsd and bpd.

Well, I'm inner turmoil and lack of social skill embodied so I feel you. In fact, it's one of the reasons I'm here. However, I don't think it's worth cashing in one's check because of relational problems with one person. That's my two cents anyway. I hope this turns out well for you, one way or another.

 

[LMLN]

I was married for 25.5 years; her loss was sudden and I unexpected. When I wake up in the morning i half expect to see he.

I'm so sorry. I lost my dear husband of 24.5 years suddenly as well. Numbing myself out is how I keep going. I'm thinking of you. So sorry.

 

[Pan]

Hi and my thanx for your sympathy...the loss of your dear husband must be devastating...I wake up in the morning and half expect to see my wife,then the hard reality kicks In and I know she won't be back...spend a lot of time sucking down beers ...take Zoloft and Xanax on top of it...I pray that i'll Be joining her soon enough...