Help Panic over feeling trapped

[wanttodie12345]

Does anyone else feel panicked over feeling like there is no viable way out? How do you control the panic long enough to plan a viable way to ctb when all the options available to you seem unreliable? I've got some pills, but nothing reliably strong + it's said pills are unreliable anyway. I've got plastic bags, but SI is said to be too strong. I can get rope, but my hands are disabled so tying knots has been very tricky. I don't have high anchor points for full suspension and partial seems hard to overcome SI and unreliable. Firearms, inert gas, street drugs aren't accessible to me. I don't have a car so traveling to train tracks or heights or deep water isn't practical. Trains and heights seems traumatizing to the public anyway, and I don't want to make the news and my family has to deal with that. We don't even have a bathtub in the house for shallow water! The thought of ctb was calming, but now I feel trapped and I don't want to impulsively try and fail to ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so trapped in this existence, it truly is so painful and torturous to be suffering with no reliable way out, I just find it so terrible and tragic how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option even know humans suffer so much, I wish I had access to method like Nembutal to free myself from this cruel existence I never would have chose in the first place, I just wish there's a straightforward way to be gone more than anything. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find what you search for.