Everytime I try to rest, and can't shut down,i get huge panic attacks. I'm so far behind you all in planning, but I just want to end it. I can't stand being a zombie, though. My pannick attacks and I can feel my mind slip away.
I want to end it, it hasn't been as long as you, but I stare at videos with a blank face, there is a residual I should care about this or that. But I'm just so flat, but then annoyed with any stimulation. I'm lately spending more time on here than on anything else. When resting I don't listen to anything and lay down in silence.
Food brings no joy and I can eat only 20% of what I used to, I have no motivation or energy and I can actually feel my mind slipping away. That I did this to myself is just the worst.
I'm just going through the motions, almost too apathetic to make plans.
So tired,only to get jolted by my adrenaline when I panic. Mid 40s my life and prospects severely limited as I haven't worked in 15 years, been a lonely 15 years as I've lost friendships, all my ideas were crazy and sick of it.
To jump or to hang seems my only option, but feeling too unmotivated for that.
In a hotel feeling stuck, every day is torture as I am a blank emotionless slate.
Even depressed people can sleep nap, my mind is just always on and degrading. Have limited money, 9nly dogs keep me around and lack of plans or methods. Midday is when my anxiety is the worst, I can't go on like this:(
It seems most methods will hurt, my life will never feel normal again.
I want to end it, it hasn't been as long as you, but I stare at videos with a blank face, there is a residual I should care about this or that. But I'm just so flat, but then annoyed with any stimulation. I'm lately spending more time on here than on anything else. When resting I don't listen to anything and lay down in silence.
Food brings no joy and I can eat only 20% of what I used to, I have no motivation or energy and I can actually feel my mind slipping away. That I did this to myself is just the worst.
I'm just going through the motions, almost too apathetic to make plans.
So tired,only to get jolted by my adrenaline when I panic. Mid 40s my life and prospects severely limited as I haven't worked in 15 years, been a lonely 15 years as I've lost friendships, all my ideas were crazy and sick of it.
To jump or to hang seems my only option, but feeling too unmotivated for that.
In a hotel feeling stuck, every day is torture as I am a blank emotionless slate.
Even depressed people can sleep nap, my mind is just always on and degrading. Have limited money, 9nly dogs keep me around and lack of plans or methods. Midday is when my anxiety is the worst, I can't go on like this:(
It seems most methods will hurt, my life will never feel normal again.
