Venting Overwhelmed by my circumstances.

[kazewoatsumete]

Feeling frustrated that I've been starting to crave taking my SN every night. I thought I could go either way on CTB once I got it in my hands, but I just. Don't feel capable or willing to pick up the pieces of my life. I want to hold on until my Japan trip in April so badly, but my gut is telling me I need to do it sooner.
I want to know how I can push this feeling away until my date. It's agonizing when I so desperately want to go but can't yet.

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

Wow, you're going to Japan? I have heard it is very beautiful there.

It seams like you are in a panic/identity crisis right now. I just sent you a PM with the intention of talking through some of your feelings.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Feeling frustrated that I've been starting to crave taking my SN every night. I thought I could go either way on CTB once I got it in my hands, but I just. Don't feel capable or willing to pick up the pieces of my life. I want to hold on until my Japan trip in April so badly, but my gut is telling me I need to do it sooner.
I want to know how I can push this feeling away until my date. It's agonizing when I so desperately want to go but can't yet.

I... would go on the trip.

You can literally can always CTB later.

 

[Source Energy]

You might feel different during the trip, and after. And no longer want to ctb.
I don't know your situation, maybe it will not change anything for you, in that case, SN will be waiting for you back home. Why not go to Japan anyway.
I considered going to Alaska, but my pain is such that I can no longer enjoy anything. I would just cry under the northern lights instead of home. If you think there is a chance you might enjoy yourself, go and have a last good time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do get that it can be so tiring when you wish to leave yet you feel trapped here. I just think that after all only you know when it's the right time to leave this world but it must be hard to deal with being in that situation. I wish you the best.

 

[pizzafiend]

I'm feeling pretty trapped by my life as well, do you mind elaborating on your circumstances? Sometimes it helps just to say them out loud.

 

[Babumax]

Go to Japan. I've been. It's beautiful

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You might feel different during the trip, and after. And no longer want to ctb.
I don't know your situation, maybe it will not change anything for you, in that case, SN will be waiting for you back home. Why not go to Japan anyway.
I considered going to Alaska, but my pain is such that I can no longer enjoy anything. I would just cry under the northern lights instead of home. If you think there is a chance you might enjoy yourself, go and have a last good time.

Alaska is the one place I would love to see before dying. It doesn't look like that'll be possible though.

To OP, I agree that you should go on the trip especially since it's so close. It may seem like an eternity to get there but consider how we're already in March.