Overwhelm & Inaction

[jesse]

I realized today I just don't deal with anything. I get overwhelmed. I withdraw. I often drag other people in hoping they will save me. I hate that. I want to start not being like this. I think the only way is to learn how to deal with my problems. Any of them. I don't really have any idea where to start. Even simple things make me feel overwhelmed. An example: I never learned to cook much of anything my whole life. I have had a lot of difficulty with cooking from being colorblind, so one day I just stopped trying. I see myself as unable to, as if it's impossible. I just stop trying with everything, eventually. I don't understand how other people keep trying, honestly.

I want to live. Wanting to kill myself is because my problems are now a mountain. I let them get this big. How do I disassemble a mountain if I can't even handle a boulder? I break a boulder into rocks, but the rocks are still too heavy. Then even just the idea of breaking a boulder into rocks becomes overwhelming. I'd say it's pathetic, but saying so doesn't really help. Sometimes I can force it. Sometimes it works for a little bit. Then everything comes crashing down on my head, worse than before.

It's more than a mindset. It's almost physical. Like I physically have to stop doing things that make me feel overwhelmed. It's like I'm under a spell, taking psychic damage if I resist. As if there's a barrier between me and positive action. It is extremely distressing to try to break it. The barrier reforms stronger than it was before, even if I do get through for a bit. Saying I won't is lacking. It's more like I can't. Yet saying I can't isn't acceptable.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I really relate to everything you just wrote.

I want to reply more so later but rn I wanna say a few things

- Self awareness is an amazing strength so hold that in. You are amazing.

-Try to be compassionate with yourself.

Sharing some of my experience with this:

I get overwhelmed and withdraw/just can't even but then im like running on burn out cause I'm scared of my life being in a stand still. (It's extremely physical tho. I've just been in a crisis and it became a point of not being able to stop really.)

I have realized tho that I am missing A LOT of compassion and space for myself.

i realized that if im overwhelmed I need to like learn to be able to stop and be ok with it but be able to work through it? I feel like my shame and anxiety hold me back from that process though.

Like "omg im overwhelmed so now im stressed that I also can't do anything and then I can't do anything"

I'm tryna get to "Omg im overwhelmed what do I need rn. What can I get help with? What can I put off for a bit so I can relax for a bit?


These are some thoughts I have rn and I'd like to share more. If that is alright with you.

Also... I am learning that I NEED to be ok with and be able to say "I cant" bc sometimes its the mothafuckin truth but I have such a hardtime... until I burn out and severely "can't"

Also... the boulder gotta be dealt with pebble by pebble... its so hard to but as humans we can only so much... (It's easier said than done)...

I'm finding the more I really work with myself and notice where I'm at... Im able to do more bc I can see it clearly??

I am by no means an expert and jus working through a lot of this myself.

 

[Inkling]

There's a lot of factors that can play into this feeling of being overwhelmed, I'll speak for myself here and say that the lack of building up confidence when I was younger, not branching out as much as I could, and being unwilling to learn from failures, chosing to hide from them instead, made it a lot easier for my head to feel overwhelmed by things once I got older. Depression and the like obviously make fear a lot more invasive too. Baby steps i suppose. I used to feel pretty overwhelmed with certain facets of my life that I now feel comfortable around, mostly work related stuff, I feel pretty humiliated about having to take these small steps in building up the confidence to not feeel overwhelmed by simple tasks, and it's more humiliating when I still feel overwhelmed anyways.

Wanting to be more confident is the most important step in building up confidence though. It's one of those "you can't be helped unless you're willing to help yourself" things, the physical barrier stopping you from pushing forward might be distressing, but as long as you want to get over it, there's room for you to find an approach, you might just have to rethink it. Experience the things that overwhelm you in smaller doses, at least that's what works best for me, you're right that it's not just a mindset, there is something physical to it, the brain needs to be trained, to get used to things in order to not feel overwhelmed. I doubt this post is very productive since I'm sleepy and I think I'm repeating myself a lot, but I wish you the best in overcoming this.

 

[aneurysm]

I think what stops depressed people from healing is that we don't realize that we can't do it ourselves. Others don't realize that we can't do it ourselves either. It's basically a terminal illness with everyone denying that you're ill at all.

good luck to us, I mean.

 

[spiderlily]

I can relate strongly. I'm also a big procrastinator, and that often stems from me thinking "I can't do this" and launching into a lot of negative thoughts about my self and my capability. Sometimes I get a lot of information thrown at me that's unclear and overwhelming. It causes me to avoid responsibilities and waste my time doing other things (that's what I'm doing now actually ahah).

This may sound obvious, but taking the first step is the hardest. However, you don't need to take the "perfect" first step. It's fine if you get a shitty result--try first, fix and improve it later. If you catch yourself in an unhealthy cycle, try to just do one small thing that breaks it. For example, depression and SI can weigh heavily and distract me from taking care of myself. Even if it's after days of living like a zombie, I eventually force myself to do something like take a shower or just look at what I need to do for work. It's fine if I can't do more than that that day. It doesn't change the fact that I have a mountain of stuff I've let grow, but sometimes pretending I only have one issue and ignoring the others helps...basically I'm saying be kind to yourself whether you can or can't do what you wish you could. You don't have to be happy (but if you can be, then great), just don't be mean to yourself. You seem self aware and you've already identified that you wish to work towards self improvement; I think's that's incredibly hard and admirable.

Reading it over, I think I gave shitty advice that's much easier said than done. But it's not "wrong" haha. Not going to lie, I still struggle with it. I could say a lot more, too, so feel free to message me if you want to chat.

 

[kovkay]

Everytime I try to organize my life, like use a new app, or try writing lists - I get paralyzed after seeing just how much shit I have to get done. It can be helpful for some people to write tasks out, then break them into very small tasks, but to me - it just makes it seem more overwhelming, like there's actually more work that needs to be done.

What really helped me is to get emotionally detached from the work I have to do. I don't place any great importance to it. Also, I shifted my perspective. Instead of thinking "I have to do this this and that", I think "I can do this or this or that" or even "I want to accomplish this today" I just treat myself with kindness, not like a slave. Oh, and also when imagining myself doing the work - I try to picture myself enjoying it to get into the mood of it. I don't think about how difficult and unpleasant it can be.

And don't worry about being colorblind when cooking. What matters most is the taste. I suggest making very simple fast meals like pasta, or soup.

Good luck!

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

This is very common, I've seen people joke about procrastinating thousands of times. Well, I never procrastinate when I'm recovered and ready to hit the gym--why? Because I actually want to go, I want to get stronger, feel better and I genuinely like lifting. I also don't put off going on SaSu and postmaxxing, for similar reasons. So why are everyone procrastinating? Students, workers, home owners, room renters, etc. Well, I have a strange theory that could explain this.

Maybe there is basically nothing that we actually want to do? Almost everyone can get replaced at their job, and if they can't the damage from them leaving isn't really that big at all. Almost everyone can learn what a student is being taught, and if no one else can then, again, no harm done. Will you actually benefit from graduating/getting promoted? Have you reached that conclusion yourself, or is there just a black void of passive suicidal ideation that's barely sealed by social conditioning and peer pressure where your motivation would be if you were in a natural environment?

The following things that keep people going are disappearing: Connection, feeling needed, contributing and producing rather than "self-actualizing" or "finding yourself", family and friends that are real people (not success-genetic drones), the one and only love of your life, the community around you that you spend a lot of time helping and getting helped by.

We procrastinate because this world is junk food and neon lights. Stimulation, energy, taste--but containing no nourishment.

 

[Dead beat dad]

You're not alone in this, I can relate to this in a big way, the others have given some useful tips and it sounds like you've got it in you to take those first steps.

Love and respect friend
DBD

 

[budgie]

We procrastinate because this world is junk food and neon lights. Stimulation, energy, taste--but containing no nourishment.

This!!!!
Your posts are very interesting to me, would you give your opinion on how you (if you do) combat these things? These days life is literally just the way you put it - everyone is talking about or stuffing their faces with food, diet this diet that, hey did you watch that, did you hear about that controversy and so and so. We constantly analyse information, we are practically bombarded with it, no wonder todays minds are so exausted. Mine is.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

This!!!!
Your posts are very interesting to me

would you give your opinion on how you (if you do) combat these things?

10mm static climbing line and excessive SaSu browsing. Some lifting, walks and mindfulness also sprinkled in there.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
There was nothing I could do for myself for almost two years.
I just laid in bed all day eating, watching anime and drinking alcohol.

However, I somehow realized I couldn't go on like this and started to be more productive from baby steps to giant strides.
For example, I started working again but only a for a few hours (this is one of the advantages of being a teacher) and then I added more hours little by little.

The only problem is that I don't feel like working out and I'm gaining lots of weight. It feels terrible and I don't wanna look myself in the mirror anymore.

My inaction for improving my health is very annoying but it's all my depression and bipolar disorder's fault.

 

[jesse]

The following things that keep people going are disappearing: Connection, feeling needed, contributing and producing rather than "self-actualizing" or "finding yourself", family and friends that are real people (not success-genetic drones), the one and only love of your life, the community around you that you spend a lot of time helping and getting helped by.

We procrastinate because this world is junk food and neon lights. Stimulation, energy, taste--but containing no nourishment.

This post makes me feel a little less alone. These are things I've been thinking, but have had difficulty expressing. I'm told there are problems with my brain, but I feel it's actually this world that is most ill of all. I wish I could be connected, needed, apart of a real-life community and family, doing honest, necessary work for my village. Instead I am isolated, contributing intangible nonsense for familiar strangers in order to support systems I fundamentally dislike. The reward is a disconnected, empty, lonely survival.