Venting Overthinking about my insignificance :(

[Nekohime]

Hello

Overthinking over here, as always, this time about how insignificant I am. The sad thing is, it's not an exaggeration, I am genuinely insignificant in this world and yet I am forced to be here, knowing this. To be clear; I don't want people - or me - to feel insignificant, we are made to feel this way and that is the tragedy.

It just makes me angry, I am forced to care about life, when I don't even feel like those that make the big decisions care about my life. Starvation, homelessness, losing myself and not even recognising myself anymore. This past year has been one of the worst and I honestly don't know how on Earth I am supposed to want to be here when this is the reality for me and so many others.

I feel like everyday there is another tragedy; someone dies from starvation because their pension was cut off, someone collapses and dies at work from the physical and mental stress - these stories circulate for a day, there is outrage, and then tomorrow - nothing. We're forced to continue on like nothing happened and that we're actually happy to be here.

Sometimes I think those of us that are suicidal are the normal ones, the ones that don't want to believe a lie and see life in rose-coloured glasses. I'm supposed to say 'this is just my depression talking' but I don't think it is. I think this is as realistic as one gets. That's part of the reason why I want to be dead.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, again. As always I hope everyone is having an ok day/night, if not; I hope something good happens for you today, like you find a dollar or something :)

P.S. Do you guys ever stare at yourselves in the mirror like 'who even is this person? I don't even know anymore …' or is that just me? I legit feel like major depression has changed my face.

 

[Pluto]

Insignificance is a product of perspective. It is freeing to know that you are not responsible for the tragedies of the world. Even if you decided you want to make some sort of positive change to those around you, it would have to begin with having a healthy, happy and empowered life yourself. A penniless person cannot donate.

Some facts about our insignificance.
The number of humans who have ever lived is 117 billion.
The number of years that there has been life on Earth is 4 billion.
The number of planet Earths that would fit inside the sun is over 1 million.
Earth is barely visible from the outer solar system.
The number of other stars in the galaxy is 100-400 billion.

 

[lifeisadream]

I too have thought suicidal people are the normal ones. I struggle to relate to people in the outside world, who, on the face of it appear to be enjoying life. Maybe behind closed doors they too are suffering but they haven't found their voice.

I seem to be angry at the universe too. Apparently our solar system is pretty unique with the arrangement of planets. I selfishly wish that earth hadn't evolved as it has done!!

 

[Darkover]

we don't even have our own autonomy a person's ability to act on his or her own values and interests. like using our free will to commit suicide we are repressed and caged up by our own government for even feeling suicidual, who ever bright idea it was to lock up suicidal people needs shooting

 

[SamTam33]

The insignificance of life (not just mine) is so overwhelming it sometimes takes my breath away.

The way we work hard on our jobs then give nearly all of that money away to the electric company, the cell phone provider, the mortgage company, the gas station and the grocers.

We pay all those bills so we can have a roof over our heads and a place to hang out in between shifts.

That's all life is: surviving so we can work, retire, then die.

If you had an aerial view of your town, you'd see all these people running around like ants day-after-day. Literally going in circles. And for what?

Because someone else put us here. That's it. We weren't assigned a reason before landing on this planet. We weren't given a set of tasks to complete.

We were just pushed out and dumped here. Like being dropped off at a landfill in the middle of nowhere and being expected to find some meaning or significance amongst the heaps of trash...

 

[lifeisadream]

we don't even have our own autonomy a person's ability to act on his or her own values and interests. like using our free will to commit suicide we are repressed and caged up by our own government for even feeling suicidual, who ever bright idea it was to lock up suicidal people needs shooting

Well put!

A few years ago I wandered around an abandoned mental hospital where the "insane" were herded together last century. Years on, nothing much has changed because the suicidal are still chucked in hospital for a bit of brainwashing under the guise of treatment. Our free will is truly stamped on.

 

[lionetta12]

Hello

Overthinking over here, as always, this time about how insignificant I am. The sad thing is, it's not an exaggeration, I am genuinely insignificant in this world and yet I am forced to be here, knowing this. To be clear; I don't want people - or me - to feel insignificant, we are made to feel this way and that is the tragedy.

It just makes me angry, I am forced to care about life, when I don't even feel like those that make the big decisions care about my life. Starvation, homelessness, losing myself and not even recognising myself anymore. This past year has been one of the worst and I honestly don't know how on Earth I am supposed to want to be here when this is the reality for me and so many others.

I feel like everyday there is another tragedy; someone dies from starvation because their pension was cut off, someone collapses and dies at work from the physical and mental stress - these stories circulate for a day, there is outrage, and then tomorrow - nothing. We're forced to continue on like nothing happened and that we're actually happy to be here.

Sometimes I think those of us that are suicidal are the normal ones, the ones that don't want to believe a lie and see life in rose-coloured glasses. I'm supposed to say 'this is just my depression talking' but I don't think it is. I think this is as realistic as one gets. That's part of the reason why I want to be dead.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, again. As always I hope everyone is having an ok day/night, if not; I hope something good happens for you today, like you find a dollar or something :)

P.S. Do you guys ever stare at yourselves in the mirror like 'who even is this person? I don't even know anymore …' or is that just me? I legit feel like major depression has changed my face.

There's so many people on this planet that it's hard to imagine that I'm not but a number who has 0 deeper significance or meaning.

 

[lifeisadream]

The insignificance of life (not just mine) is so overwhelming it sometimes takes my breath away.

The way we work hard on our jobs then give nearly all of that money away to the electric company, the cell phone provider, the mortgage company, the gas station and the grocers.

We pay all those bills so we can have a roof over our heads and a place to hang out in between shifts.

That's all life is: surviving so we can work, retire, then die.

If you had an aerial view of your town, you'd see all these people running around like ants day-after-day. Literally going in circles. And for what?

Because someone else put us here. That's it. We weren't assigned a reason before landing on this planet. We weren't given a set of tasks to complete.

We were just pushed out and dumped here. Like being dropped off at a landfill in the middle of nowhere and being expected to find some meaning or significance amongst the heaps of trash...

Essentially we're all just guinea pigs going round & round on one of those wheels.

Wake up, exist through the day then sleep. Over & over.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think that being suicidal can be just seeing life for what it really is. To me, the inevitability of suffering in life means that wanting to be gone is the more rational option. I personally see pain as something bad and something to be avoided and humans have unlimited capacity to feel pain, so therefore permanent non existence is preferable and is always ideal. To die removes the cause of all problems in the first place.

But insignificance is simply the reality of this existence. Our lives and suffering we go through does not really matter. But I take comfort in the thought of impermanence. All of our problems will eventually go away and be forgotten about, they cannot matter to us once we are gone from this world as one would need a consciousness to care about anything. In fact the thought of being gone is the only comforting thing in a world as cruel as this. The existence of life really is tragic.

 

[BGooG]

Sometimes we achieve significance in our relationships with others. The parent caring for the young child, the grown child caring for the aging parent, the teacher caring for/teaching the pupil. We are significant to that person for that time. It's not a lot, maybe not enough to endure the pain of other times. But it is there, and it is real.

 

[its-about-time]

You ARE insignificant. I found a lot of relief and freedom in accepting that none of this shit really matters, myself included. Made me start to actually enjoy little things again. It's all pointless anyways, so why not lay on the ground and watch ants go by? Embracing it helped… listening to existentialist lectures and books helped too. Gave me some direction. I'm still suicidal but I'm having fun with it now. Maybe realizing many people over many centuries have felt this way and learning what they learned from it can give you some direction. Any significance in life is self-generated; once you figure that out, you can do as you please with it, and it kind of rules.