Discussion overly intrusive thoughts getting worse?

[strawberrydino]

!! highley a little graphic ?

I have anxiety and I can't tell if it's my anxiety or something else, but often I have really intrusive thoughts of graphic ways I might die or injure myself. And I can see the scenario happening in my head even if I don't want to, I physically feel like that feeling of a nail running across my skin(which I also feel then compelled to do with my own nails which is both satisfying but also sends me spiraling into more graphicness). Whenever I have a thought like that I just keep focusing on it and become more hyperaware of every small itch on my skin leading to more intrusive thoughts of them eating into my skin or tearing apart. I feel like spiders under my skin, like my flesh is separating from my skin. All my organs feel like stone(massive anxiety over chronic illness and like). I get super squirmy and feel stuck in my skin. Lots of insect squirms and wriggle feelings, and like the color of mealworms. I can't think of any graphic thing without having that weird phantom nail crawl across my body. It's like when you become aware of you're breathe but that for every sensation on your body going wrong and turning into little cuts.

Most often I think of big cuts slitting down a limb, what brought this post on was particularly bad pms and thoughts of cutting my bang(leading to cutting my eyes then tripping and slitting open my thigh then through that thin skin connecting pelvis and inner thigh and etc). I also don't think my body self esteem is helping, also I often draw these intrusive thoughts as me cutting myself open or being dead. I have no clue what this is, this post is halfway between a vent and a discussion(?)

Chat, wtf is this. I don't want to sound stupid but is it OCD? I have some compulsive behavior like whenever i feel and itch I have to mirror on the other side of my face. Whenever I push my glasses up on one side of my face I do it on the other. If theres sweat on one side of my nose I like to run my fingers down both sides of the nose(random sorry I'm on a anxiety rant). Anyway I really can not deal with these intrusive thoughts, I can feel the knife sliding down the side of my chest with the fat and muscle oozing out. I'm not in pain just deeply uncomfortable and I can not get it to stop until a while later. I most often have these thoughts when it's night but sometimes when I just see something that could lead to a situation I can't help but imagine the worst and the worst injuries.

I try to ignore them, wince at them and just try and file it away but it just plays in my head. Also it keeps appearing in my dreams, the same type of injuries. Yesterday I had a horrible dream of a rotten cavity chewing its way through my teeth and through my jawbone until I bit down and my jaw just cracked open. Or the reoccurring dream where I get my sides impaled or sliced off until I ooze out.

Chat. I needa stop typing. Goodnight. Sorry

 

[WaitingPatiently]

I was (and still am) in a similar position.

Constantly being flooded with thoughts of how I would catch the bus, when, why, methods, et cetera.

I got some advice from a different user on this site, and it's proven to be helpful for me.

Thoughts popping into your head don't need your attention. Just because it is there doesn't mean it must be real, or valid. The bad thoughts can be equated to leaves floating along a river. You don't need to hop into the water and get pulled along. Simply watch the leaves float downstream, and let new leaves come along.

Observe the intrusions that appear in your head, but don't acknowledge them as valid, because they aren't.
Let the water carry them away.

I hope this helps you, even a little bit.

 

[patricivselecta]

Hi! Being no expert I still can see that there's a mental illness behind this which requires professional help.
I hope you'll get better.

Stay safe.

 

[strawberrydino]

Hi! Being no expert I still can see that there's a mental illness behind this which requires professional help.
I hope you'll get better.

Stay safe.

REAL. sorry, but yeah maybe. I'm in therapy but I always feel really overwhelmed when I actually have to explain what's wrong. Which leads to not saying anything. Thanks <3

I was (and still am) in a similar position.

Constantly being flooded with thoughts of how I would catch the bus, when, why, methods, et cetera.

I got some advice from a different user on this site, and it's proven to be helpful for me.

Thoughts popping into your head don't need your attention. Just because it is there doesn't mean it must be real, or valid. The bad thoughts can be equated to leaves floating along a river. You don't need to hop into the water and get pulled along. Simply watch the leaves float downstream, and let new leaves come along.

Observe the intrusions that appear in your head, but don't acknowledge them as valid, because they aren't.
Let the water carry them away.

I hope this helps you, even a little bit.

I'll try and keep that in mind. It's like when you have a mosquito bite, like not only the thoughts but the actual skittering feeling. Idk. I may just have shit self control.

 

[SyrupForBlood]

I'm really sorry your dealing with such awful intrusive thoughts, i know how uncomfortable they can be, especially if your fearing on acting or have impulses around your thoughts. Intrusive thoughts have made me feel guilt or anxiety more times than i can count to the point where sometimes i physically shake from dealing with anxiety around them, our brains are really cruel sometimes unfortunately. I've been diagnosed with ocd and i think if you have compulsions, intrusive thoughts, or rhythms/patterns like the ones you described it might be beneficial if you suspect ocd to reach out for related therapy or medication. I've had mixed results with medication in the past, but the small improvements made big impact on my ability to function.

Coming from experience i want you to know that your thoughts do not always represent you and that a-lot of your time its your brain filling in thoughts (albitite graphically) to make up any time when your not thinking about something. Maybe try to have a quote or rhythm to remember when you feel overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, i use "my thoughts aren't my desires" to try and shake any graphic intrusive thoughts away, maybe try to remember a song you like or repeat a quote that comforts you. Know that you are strong and that as much time as it takes, that your ability to combat stress around intrusive thoughts will continue to improve. Hopefully one day (i hope to be able to do this too lol) you will be able to ignore these thoughts like any other random thought throughout the day.

If you have any questions about my experience with ocd feel free to reach out. Take care, and i wish you luck!