Help Overkill

[any%]

Hey friends,

straight to the point: I was fine with laying on train tracks until I suddenly was not anymore. Now I dont wanna drag even more people into my departure than necessary, so although I had everything planned out with the train I kind of put it off.

I am, probably to some paranoidal extent, worried about getting found in the middle of everything and saved as a potato in the worst case. I have now hanging combined with SN and cutting my radial arteries in mind. I wanted to drink small amounts of ethanol as I have no tolerance at all, little goes a long way for me and take aspirin, both in order to thin down my blood. Take some kratom for pain & calming down my mind + even some euphoria. I have a spot in the forest, relatively secluded, to hang myself with the rope I have, which I have already tested.

I would stand on my already made tree stump, put on the noose, chug down my prepared SN beverages, try to slit both radial arteries, but at least one, which should only take about 30 to 60 seconds and subsequently go into full suspension.

I feel like I am not at all comfortable with either just one of these 3 methods. I mean, only cutting the arteries is a no-go anyway for me, but only hanging or only SN does not calm my mind. My idea was, if I really would be found hanging in the middle of it, there would be too much going on for them to save me anyway and maybe they dont even realize I have ingested poison, due to the more obvious methods.

In the end I still dont know how to feel about this. It might be way too much to actually pull through, but then again I dont intend to do it sober. Maybe combination of "just" 2 methods would be enough as well. I am trapped in a dark place at the moment and I am not even sure if I am able to think straight, but also I am alone and feel so tired of everything.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I can't help feel you're over thinking things and trying too hard for a successful attempt. It would worry me that I would probably vomit whilst hanging... I don't know how that would happen - might end up coming out of your nose?
It all sounds too complicated and destined for failure and a lot of distress.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can only say that if you're not 100% sure or comfortable with your method(s) you should either wait until you're ready to do it or just find another method.

 

[any%]

I can't help feel you're over thinking things and trying too hard for a successful attempt. It would worry me that I would probably vomit whilst hanging... I don't know how that would happen - might end up coming out of your nose?
It all sounds too complicated and destined for failure and a lot of distress.

Indeed I am a chronical overthinker with too much focus on details, but I cant deny that I want my attempt to be successful. Thank you for your concern, I mean distress is coming in one way or the other but I dont fancy failure.

I can only say that if you're not 100% sure or comfortable with your method(s) you should either wait until you're ready to do it or just find another method.

I am sure of each method, though there is only so much certainty you can objectively have. What I am unsure of is if I indeed make things too complicated or have too many actions planned in a short time. I would also like to learn how one can be satisfied with one method alone. I initially chose the train, because there is simply no coming back from that one, at least not in the way I planned it. But to carry out my wish to ctb I need to somehow be somewhat at ease, calm and certain everything will work, and I dont achieve that sort of feeling when thinking about only taking my SN or only going full suspension.