Overcoming the fears

[solblaze]

So as the title suggests I'm looking for advice from people to overcome the fear of failure. It scares the living hell out of me the thought that if I fail I could end up a retarded vegetable.

I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of feeling like everything's my fault, and most of all I just want to feel love. I'm sure people in my life love me, but I just don't feel loved. I never have. Hopefully in the next life I can be a "normal" person with a normal working brain that keeps me happy, and to not be in physical pain damn near every waking moment of my life.

I'm sorry I got side tracked and went on a tangent, but it did feel good to write down.

 

[ladylazarus4]

I don't know. The hard part is that there will always be a risk of failure. It scares me so badly, too.

 

[solblaze]

I don't know. The hard part is that there will always be a risk of failure. It scares me so badly, too.

The failure, outside of being caught and placed on suicide watch and the resulting "treatment" I feel I can deal with, but becoming mentally retarded? No, I can't deal with that. That's my biggest fear in life, that I lose control of my mental facilities.

 

[Demian]

I'm scared too.

At the end of last year I took an amount of medicine that would literally kill a large horse. I spent 22 days in a coma. I survived without permanent sequelae by some miracle.

Now I have SN and I'm afraid of failing, but they say that SN seems to be the safest when it comes to sequelae.

 

[reallysleepy]

I've been thinking about this too and I think that the best way to increase the chances of not failing is going to a remote place to suicide. Like, I haven't looked it up but I guess that if you end up vegetable you can't breathe and stuff by yourself, right? So if people take a lot of time (let's say a couple of days) to find you, one would be dead.

 

[hematomatema]

I think there's a certain point where you just kind of have to say "them's the consequences." You might end up a vegetable. You might die. You might end up with very minor damage, or maybe even none at all. There's no way to tell, no way to guarantee one of these, only ways to tip the odds in your favour by doing everything you can to optimise the method, or to find new methods altogether. I also think you might be able to consider being a vegetable as being nothing to you. Depending on the state, you might not be conscious anyways - in which case, there's functionally no difference from death, at least from your perspective. The one I fear the most is something like locked-in syndrome or being completely paralysed but still completely conscious. However, those cases are few and far between. Far more likely you survive with some irreparable brain function than with complete bodily paralysis. Even more likely that you just don't have anything come of it altogether and you walk out just fine than end up like that.

 

[solblaze]

I think there's a certain point where you just kind of have to say "them's the consequences." You might end up a vegetable. You might die. You might end up with very minor damage, or maybe even none at all. There's no way to tell, no way to guarantee one of these, only ways to tip the odds in your favour by doing everything you can to optimise the method, or to find new methods altogether. I also think you might be able to consider being a vegetable as being nothing to you. Depending on the state, you might not be conscious anyways - in which case, there's functionally no difference from death, at least from your perspective. The one I fear the most is something like locked-in syndrome or being completely paralysed but still completely conscious. However, those cases are few and far between. Far more likely you survive with some irreparable brain function than with complete bodily paralysis. Even more likely that you just don't have anything come of it altogether and you walk out just fine than end up like that.

Locked in is the most terrifying thing I've ever heard of.

After the night I've had, if I can find my pew pew I'm CTB tonight…but I have no idea where it's been put. I've been trying to hard to leave my mother a open casket where she can at least say good bye but I'm starting to think that won't happen, especially with the SN ban in the US.

 

[solblaze]

I keep seeing all these posts of people preparing to ctb and I've been hoping like hell it would help me find the courage I need to end my suffering.

 

[heyhoherewego]

So as the title suggests I'm looking for advice from people to overcome the fear of failure. It scares the living hell out of me the thought that if I fail I could end up a retarded vegetable.

I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of feeling like everything's my fault, and most of all I just want to feel love. I'm sure people in my life love me, but I just don't feel loved. I never have. Hopefully in the next life I can be a "normal" person with a normal working brain that keeps me happy, and to not be in physical pain damn near every waking moment of my life.

I'm sorry I got side tracked and went on a tangent, but it did feel good to write down.

it comes down to your planning
if you choose a method that has a high lethality rate
you look into the common failure conditions and you try to mitigate those as best as you can
you plan contingencies in case things go wrong (depends on the method)
you test your setup before-hand, leave no part of the process unchecked (where possible)

also id think about ways you might fail which are specific to your position and circumstances, like for example if you have a family member who frequently checks up on you, that is a variable you would have to consider during planning

if you do all of that, you can take away the fear of failure to a great degree, all thats left is to cope with is the fear of death and pain (i didnt think id have those until i was standing with the noose around my neck, its still very hard)

i wish you the best with whatever happens.

 

[solblaze]

it comes down to your planning
if you choose a method that has a high lethality rate
you look into the common failure conditions and you try to mitigate those as best as you can
you plan contingencies in case things go wrong (depends on the method)
you test your setup before-hand, leave no part of the process unchecked (where possible)

also id think about ways you might fail which are specific to your position and circumstances, like for example if you have a family member who frequently checks up on you, that is a variable you would have to consider during planning

if you do all of that, you can take away the fear of failure to a great degree, all thats left is to cope with is the fear of death and pain (i didnt think id have those until i was standing with the noose around my neck, its still very hard)

i wish you the best with whatever happens.

Thank you, those are great tips.

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die going wrong is also what I fear personally, I find it horrific how such could happen, I wish I could just die painlessly to escape from all the suffering which is why it brings me so much pain how I continue to suffer instead. To never suffer again truly is all I wish and hope for, I hope you find the peace you search for, it truly is such a cruel existence to me, I find it so cruel how people have to even fear this happening in the first place.

 

[solblaze]

It really is. The world is a cruel place, not everyone was meant to be in it. I couldn't find the pistol last night. I get paid tomorrow, I'm contemplating going to buy a cheap ones tomorrow morning and being done with this.