Hi all, I just wandered, when you are completely ready to ctb, does SI sort of ebb away? Or do you think it's always there and you just get a sudden burst of courage to overcome it?
Thanks
Thanks
GinaIsReady
Exit Strategist
- Mar 29, 2019
- 995
Survival Instinct
It's always there you need overcome it or you never ctb. It's programmed inside your head.
It's always there you need overcome it or you never ctb. It's programmed inside your head.
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
I had no idea what SI was, so it was never a factor. Death is nothing to fear, so again, I just don't see SI being anything to concern myself with. I have made my peace with my exit, especially as I completed vMA 
GinaIsReady
Exit Strategist
- Mar 29, 2019
- 995
chrijo
done
- Feb 8, 2019
- 329
I think it's normal to fear nothingness.
You can only overcome this piece of shit if your suffering exceeds your natural fear.
You can only overcome this piece of shit if your suffering exceeds your natural fear.
First loss
Specialist
- Jan 28, 2019
- 393
I think it never really goes away. Even when I was 100% ready to die, it kicked in.
It's our primal side. The will to survive will always kick in when there's a potentially dangerous situation, no matter if it is caused by the person themselves or by outside factors.
It's our primal side. The will to survive will always kick in when there's a potentially dangerous situation, no matter if it is caused by the person themselves or by outside factors.
Gorgon
A sad sad
- May 1, 2019
- 63
Drugs
We have dissasocitive identity disorder thanks to si. Because apparently brains can just seperate the part that wants to die in childhood. So trust us on this one si is stronger than you think drugs are the best option
We have dissasocitive identity disorder thanks to si. Because apparently brains can just seperate the part that wants to die in childhood. So trust us on this one si is stronger than you think drugs are the best option
Blackjack
I’ll be watching...
- Aug 6, 2019
- 777
SI is our most basic primal instinct, and it cannot be overcome entirely. It's physical and emotional, both conscious & unconscious, and you have zero chance of controlling that.
I pray and hope that when the time is right I will have the courage to CTB. I will try to think of all messed up things in my life and use that as fuel to make to carry forward the act
That is true. We humans cannot control it.
I thought I was going to die once, and I was choking and gasping for breath. And, I do want to cbt, but my natural instinct was to do whatever I could to friggin breathe.
sorry, meant to sat ctb
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Stan
Factoid Hunter
- Aug 29, 2019
- 2,589
My opinion is that for me its when my desire to end overcomes the will to live. Going to be very difficult for many people. Biologically we know we are hard wired to remove ourselves from dangerous situations, and this is the most dangerous of them all.
Stan
Factoid Hunter
- Aug 29, 2019
- 2,589
Agree. I think it will come down to will power, but at this stage with my experience, I am guessing
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
My intention is not to think of what brought me here, because it'll just make me more likely to throw up out of agitation. It is to focus on how there won't be any trouble anymore.
Just do it. I know that sounds stupid and patronising but at the end of the day that's all you need. I guess when I did it it was easier because once I'd just jumped there was no going back.
BlessedOffal
Member
- Oct 2, 2019
- 59
I have a hard time believing I'd have much difficulty drinking a glass of peace inducing liquid. The will to obtain it, however, is not strong enough yet. Would you mind elaborating on the emotional part of SI? I've accepted that any type of self-brutality is out of the question.
This is my view on survival instinct. The only efficient way I can think of circumventing it is not to fight it, but to try to trick your own mind into seeing a deadly action as innocuous. "Here I'll drink this 'cease to exist' liquid and be able to rest." "I'm just gonna fall asleep next to this barbecue and never wake up".
Self-brutality is indeed what would kick your SI into panic mode and overdrive and would make your last moments on earth pure hell.
JimFord99
Enlightened
- Aug 18, 2019
- 1,047
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
I'm really hoping that I will at last feel there is no more chores, worries, nothing. If I can understand that I will finally rest, it'd be easier to circumvent SI.
@woxihuanni No more chores, no more pain, no more uncertainty about the future, no more need to do this do that, no more potential for extreme suffering, no more time spent alone reviewing all the mistakes that you were responsible for in your life, and being resentful toward all the mistakes you were not, no more feeling of dread of emptiness, you'd be checking out of this mad game, hitting the "Quit" button, answering the question "Are you sure? Y/N" with "FREAKING YES". Nothing will happen to you anymore, you'd be free from everything, back to the before-you-were-born void, unreachable forever. At least that's how I try to see things and what comforts me.
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
Ahh, yes. FUCKING YES. No more having to be the bigger person is what I look forward to most.
SI is possibly the strongest instinct you have. To ctb is genuinely the hardest and most courageous of things.
