Help Overcoming SI is impossible (please help)

[Freebandzgang]

I tried partial. I failed. Right as I was about to pass out I would take all the pressure off. I didnt want to. I just did it. I have planned this for months and am completely ready to ctb. How do i overcome this very very strong urge. I tried it many times but every time I would fail. Maybe i am worried about my setup breaking and surviving? I am 90% sure it wont break (ive tested everything), but maybe the 10% is scaring me? I dont have access to any prescription medication. How do so many people overcome this urge. Please help me. Im suffering tremendously because of this :(

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I think it's important to accept that there is always risk of failure and the most we can do is try to mitigate it. Even surgeons mess up surgery sometimes - no matter how long they've been in medicine.

If SI is an issue consider full suspension. If you've tested all your equipment, it shouldn't be an issue. Some people say it can be more painful/uncomfortable, but if you're serious about it I think maybe it's the way to go. No backing out is possible unless you're able to grab onto something somehow and prevent yourself from hanging.

 

[Freebandzgang]

I think it's important to accept that there is always risk of failure and the most we can do is try to mitigate it. Even surgeons mess up surgery sometimes - no matter how long they've been in medicine.

If SI is an issue consider full suspension. If you've tested all your equipment, it shouldn't be an issue. Some people say it can be more painful/uncomfortable, but if you're serious about it I think maybe it's the way to go. No backing out is possible unless you're able to grab onto something somehow and prevent yourself from hanging.

Thank you. I have heavily considered full suspension. However I have attempted it once and it was EXTREMELY painful, i dont even remember how i got out of it, I just remember it was the most pain i had ever experienced in my life. This is why Im trying partial. It isnt painful at all and i can pass out really easily. Its just my SI ruining everything.

 

[AreWeWinning]

i dont even remember how i got out of it

That would be the key though... If you don't put your hands under the noose between the rope and your neck, and you don't hold on to the rope, and the noose tightens correctly under load, I just can't imagine how anyone gets out of full suspension.

This is why Im trying partial. It isnt painful at all and i can pass out really easily.

How come you can pass out from partial, but not from full suspension? If you do everything the same, apart from the full / partial part, it doesn't make sense. If anything, full suspension would just make you pass out faster and with higher certainty.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering, I always wish there's the option to just simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Freebandzgang]

How come you can pass out from partial, but not from full suspension? If you do everything the same, apart from the full / partial part, it doesn't make sense. If anything, full suspension would just make you pass out faster and with higher certainty.

I think its because when i did full suspension right away the pain caused me to panic a lot and start doing everything to save myself. With partial i can put the noose in a good spot and only put very little pressure to start to pass out. So there isnt any panic or pain. I cant feel that kind of pain again im so scared but at the same time ive planned this for so long, I have lost everything I have. I need to go soon. If i have to I will do full but im really not liking that idea at all.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I think its because when i did full suspension right away the pain caused me to panic a lot and start doing everything to save myself. With partial i can put the noose in a good spot and only put very little pressure to start to pass out. So there isnt any panic or pain. I cant feel that kind of pain again im so scared but at the same time ive planned this for so long, I have lost everything I have. I need to go soon. If i have to I will do full but im really not liking that idea at all.

Thanks for your response. It's something to learn from as I'm planning full suspension.

I can pass out easily, I have tested it, but I expect some more pain compared to testing, and I'm unsure how I'll react to it. My theory and logic is that if everything is setup right, I kick the chair away, and I can just bear the first 5 seconds or so, then the pain won't matter anymore, because that's about the time it takes until I start to lose muscle strength.

And if I panic? Then, I don't know... There will be nothing to hold on to. Or if I grab the noose? If it tightens correctly immediately after I commit, there won't be a chance to get under it. In short, my hope is that if I prepare the setup correctly, there will be no way to back out, and from the moment I commit, my death is a certainty. I hope I'm not miscalculating anything.

 

[Freebandzgang]

I can pass out easily, I have tested it, but I expect some more pain compared to testing, and I'm unsure how I'll react to it. My theory and logic is that if everything is setup right, I kick the chair away, and I can just bear the first 5 seconds or so, then the pain won't matter anymore, because that's about the time it takes until I start to lose muscle strength.

And if I panic? Then, I don't know... There will be nothing to hold on to. Or if I grab the noose? If it tightens correctly immediately after I commit, there won't be a chance to get under it. In short, my hope is that if I prepare the setup correctly, there will be no way to back out, and from the moment I commit, my death is a certainty. I hope I'm not miscalculating anything.

Make sure you have absolutely nothing to grab on to or put your back up against or stand on at all. It will be very very very painful. If you have the correct position on your neck and you apply pressure instantly you should pass out if you dont start swinging and flailing and grabbing things. That might reduce pressure and make it take longer. Death will be 100% but you have to be prepared for the pain, im serious, it is so bad. and the panic response once your airway gets blocked. It WILL cause you to panic no matter what because you wont be able to breathe.

 

[charcoalcat]

Your resolve ain't at that point yet. Right now repeating the act will only make you desensitized. All that remains is one really bad day/event and you are out. To get through it you need a certain degree of impulse.