Over 35? 40? 50? 60?.... Can share?

[raybd]

A lot of people here seem to be young or very young. I posted a similar thread the last time I was circling the drain 3 years ago, but survived... Just would like to see how the people on this site have changed or remained the same. If you are 35 and over, could you, if you don't mind, state your age and reason to go and perhaps an idea of your location...

For me, it is all falling through the cracks in the medical system... somehow, last 2 serious incidents, I survived... this time, I and the Reaper are sitting at a table and drinking tea, waiting for the appointed hour..

But the thing is I have none of the frustrations in life people voice here... truly no medical options is all... and I made my peace with it years ago...

 

[metfan647]

38, mental health struggles and given up with life, UK.

 

[UnoX48]

41 years old, chronic illness since I was 29. I'm taking the bus in 15 days with a partner. France

 

[Forveleth]

I am 42 but I have been suicidal since I was 15. People told me it would get better so I just kept gaslighting myself through life and I am to the point where it is never going to get better and I am tired of living.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I'm 38 years old (in a month i will be 39). The reason why i will probably ctb in 2026 are: chronic health issues that are getting worse as I age. I am 38 but i have a health of a 70 year old, also because of my autism i never had a real friend and never been loved by any woman. I'm so tired of the loneliness too.

To add on top of it all that I have cold parents who never comfort me, and when I tell them about my problems they only make me feel even worse, and somehow they twist the truth to make me feel guilty about all the problems I mentioned earlier.

I am 42 but I have been suicidal since I was 15. People told me it would get better so I just kept gaslighting myself through life and I am to the point where it is never going to get better and I am tired of living.

Similar, I have been suicidal since when I was just 16 years old way back in 2003.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

36 here and I've spiraled into terminal psychache. I can't live with what I've said, done, and failed to do. However, suicide is hard and I don't think I can go through with it. Am I headed for bedridden, dependent depression? For how long? How am I ever going to get a job and clean up after myself?

 

[idiotmother]

36 and damaged by psychiatric medications and no one can help me. I've caused damage that I can't stand, am tired all the time and anxious. I also can't get enough sleep due to the drugs and so much more. I hate myself for getting in this situation and I wish there was a painless, easy way to exit. I feel no joy or excitement anymore. I hate that I became suicidal after N becoming impossible to source.

 

[tonicer]

I turn 43 soon and i am suicidal since around 14 give or take. I achieved pretty much nothing except studying computer science. Besides that i am a KHHV and can't seem to find a job. I live with my mother who is an angel but she's old and not very healthy so once she's gone i go too. There is nothing on this world for someone with my curse anyway. Being ugly has to be the biggest disadvantage there is.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I hate that I became suicidal after N becoming impossible to source.

I probably never would have been able to afford it, but I feel the same way. For some reason I am afraid of using a gun. Too many survivors. It would be different if I already owned one but I don't have the guts to go buy one. I fantasize about a smooth, painless death that isn't coming.

 

[raybd]

I turn 43 soon and i am suicidal since around 14 give or take. I achieved pretty much nothing except studying computer science. Besides that i am a KHHV and can't seem to find a job. I live with my mother who is an angel but she's old and not very healthy so once she's gone i go too. There is nothing on this world for someone with my curse anyway. Being ugly has to be the biggest disadvantage there is.

but didn't studying computer science at least give a you a good career and nice money? that often helps with other shortcomings one may perceive one has...

 

[idiotmother]

I probably never would have been able to afford it, but I feel the same way. For some reason I am afraid of using a gun. Too many survivors. It would be different if I already owned one but I don't have the guts to go buy one. I fantasize about a smooth, painless death that isn't coming.

I fantasize about it too. I can't legally obtain a gun, otherwise I would have gotten one. I definitely understand being afraid to use them, they are touchy things. And surviving a gun shot to the head would be awful.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Just turned 56, live on east coast USA. Have suffered from anxiety and depression since my preteen years. Now that I'm in my mid 50s, health continues rolling downhill, full blown COPD, and arthritis in my hips. My body engine has gone to shit and there's no tune up shop that can fix it.

Oh, and I plan on dying in the forest somewhere.

 

[Baisley]

I am 49 and struggle with my mental health bad. Made very bad choices that have gotten me into trouble. I am in the US.

 

[wishingiwasok]

I'm 36 from North America and have been suicidal since I was very young. There was a lot of bad things happening in my family and neighborhood, but what really keeps me coming back to ctb is being unlovable. And not just in a lonely, cant connect way but in the way that people actively remind me that I am not someone they can love or respect. I spent about 20 years trying to learn how to correct all my social skills and self presentation skills thinking if I was more charming or less obviously ugly that things would change. But no amount of accomplishment or glow up changes the way I'm treated and I don't want to spend another 40 plus years hating myself.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I just can't believe I lived so badly. I "let myself go" over and over until my soul was ruined. I had so much self-respect when I was younger and I broke it down, sin by sin.

 

[madwoman]

36 - been suicidal since I was a teen and I'm tired of being depressed, being lonely, hating myself, past trauma, not connecting with anyone truly, not doing anything of value, no drive for making my life better, and the cherry on top is just a physical appearance medical condition that is happening to me that has me more ashamed to be seen and makes everything worse and harder to go on - I want to die young before things get worse as they already are as the days go by. US

 

[darksouls]

49 years old, severely disabled, chronic physical pain, plan my exit in the near future, still looking for a compatible partner, Germany

 

[geepeedee]

39, lost my life and see no future ahead of me. doctors think i have bipolar, but regardless: i'm done with life. canada.

 

[Ligottian]

65 .Waiting for the balls to just do it instead of just thinking and talking about it all the time,

 

[raybd]

Wow.... thread gets longer... appreciate y'all for posting... much respect
lots of support if sending off good thoughts into the multiverse helps....

I'm from the Northeast of the US but now in the one country that has both lions and tigers... in a sylvan retreat community for my, well.. last days.

 

[gottacheckout]

62 and reside in the US. I need to take a trip and want to take a couple other motorcycle trips. One with The Lunatic in the sidecar and one on adventure bike.

That and the world says I still have good work here to do. Once the scale balances I'm hoping everything will line up and I'll ctb.

 

[MephiticShadow]

40. Bipolar. Australia. Been self harming since 10. No immediate plans but always need a ctb plan in reserve for peace of mind

 

[crazysushi]

22. Bipolar. Disappointed in myself and see no future. Southeast Asia.

 

[tonicer]

but didn't studying computer science at least give a you a good career and nice money? that often helps with other shortcomings one may perceive one has...

I am sending out one job application after the other and went to countless job interviews but something about me is a huge red flag. I suspect it's my curse.

 

[kouna]

43, Greece. Already have a failed suicide attempt from jumping from the 3rd floor during a panic attack 3 years ago. Recovered from it with the help of my wife,her family and therapy.
In August I was hospitalized for the first time at a psych ward for a month because I had a big fight with my family and brother. This lead to a divorce, losing my job, anhedonia and generally not giving a shit about anything anymore.
I got a new job but everyday I think about CTB, I have my FSH setup ready at my basement, almost went ahead with it twice but somehow convinced myself to abort.

SN is very easily available in Greece (sold at shops with lab equipment for schools) but don't really feel like going that way, jumping or FSH would be my choice but getting lazy, to do anything really, at my free time I just lie on bed and do nothing.

Maybe tomorrow wil be the day. I've ran out of quietapine so don't know how the fuck i'll manager to survive the weekend.

 

[illliminal]

A lot of people here seem to be young or very young. I posted a similar thread the last time I was circling the drain 3 years ago, but survived... Just would like to see how the people on this site have changed or remained the same. If you are 35 and over, could you, if you don't mind, state your age and reason to go and perhaps an idea of your location...

For me, it is all falling through the cracks in the medical system... somehow, last 2 serious incidents, I survived... this time, I and the Reaper are sitting at a table and drinking tea, waiting for the appointed hour..

But the thing is I have none of the frustrations in life people voice here... truly no medical options is all... and I made my peace with it years ago...

Im 39. My reasons are health and economic Issues. Luckily I have no kids or family my absence will hurt. I was really hoping for a community of older adults. If anyone has any recommendations, please share.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

39, lost my life and see no future ahead of me. doctors think i have bipolar, but regardless: i'm done with life. canada.

Do you have a shot at MAiD?

 

[geepeedee]

Do you have a shot at MAiD?

i might, as of next year when they allow people with mental illnesses to qualify. dunno if i can last that long tho.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

50. World came crashing down almost two years ago. Lost my love, gave up everything to leave my life and country. Something snapped, I became suicidal and been on a roller coaster of survival, while in a deep dark spiral of unreality. SE Asia

 

[deathisapanacea]

42 m india. Wrecked my life because of being restless and immature. Been harboring suicidal thoughts even when life was good. Right now, I dream(only dream )about suicide all day.