Help Optimal method(s) to commit suicide and hide plans from family?

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Hey folks, I'm new to this website. I am from India. Got to know this website through NYT article, also while researching methods.
Whatever I've typed is serious. Also, apologies if I made any mistake while posting, if I've used the wrong prefix, and if it is too long.

I strongly believe that people should be able to determine their fate. If they want to kill themselves, they should be able to do so without being stopped. I wish more people understood this, sadly this is not the case.

I am looking forward to guidance.

I am looking for guidance regarding suicide methods.
I would like to know the optimal method, by which I can take my own life. Preferably KCN or SN, along with other meds to prevent vomiting, and alcohol to reduce the pain.

Also, how to ensure that my SI does not kick in? I want to be able to kill myself without being paralyzed, seriously injured or being resuscitated, and worse, forcefully admitted in a hospital ward. I have only one shot at this.
I will kill myself one way or another, it's a matter of time. I just want to now the optimal method.

Also, should I leave a suicide note, or to not leave any note at all?

My other question is what are the other ways in which I can effectively hide my suicide plans? I do not want anyone to discover my plans.
I plan to kill myself by Dec / Jan. The reason I chose these months is because:
1. I do not want anyone to get suspicious, and get to know my plans. I am doing my best to hide my plans. Thankfully no one knows it yet.
2. My family's / relative's / friend's birthdays are most in Dec, If I took my own life during before their birthdays got over, it would cause a shitstorm.

The reason I plan to kill myself is cuz I'm losing control of my damn mind, and myself. I am unable to control my facial expressions. I am trying my best to hide it by wearing a mask. It is getting worse day by day. Due to this my reputation has taken a hit (in a really bad manner).
Plus that people are constantly nagging me about me wearing my mask. If I remove my mask, My reputation will be permanently sealed for good. I cannot live like this for long. It is getting worse as the days pass by.
Also, my mental health has got a lot worse than before, and it's further declining (and I literally mean it). I had taken help before. It had worked, only temporarily though. I am afraid that if I take help, it will not be effective again. I'll further elaborate it with more details in a different thread.

Anyways, coming back to the point:
I am using duckduckgo only to browse this website, so as to not raise any alarms, and that my plans do not get unraveled. I cannot afford my plans from being unraveled.
I am using proton mail, same reasons.
None of my family members have access to my device passwords, or at least this website password and username.
I am carrying my day to day routine as usual, to avoid any suspicion.

Folks, any other tips / suggestions / methods.

Looking forward to hear from y'all.

 

[TheMetalhead]

They can't really find out about your plans if you don't tell them anything, right?
Hide anything that would be alarming, as you are doing now using various methods.
Don't mention anything CTB related, be yourself.
By being yourself, no matter how you are behaving, you won't raise an alarm.
As far as method for CTB is concerned, do you have anything in mind?

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

They can't really find out about your plans if you don't tell them anything, right?
Hide anything that would be alarming, as you are doing now using various methods.
Don't mention anything CTB related, be yourself.
By being yourself, no matter how you are behaving, you won't raise an alarm.
As far as method for CTB is concerned, do you have anything in mind?

Looking at consuming KCN or SN, combined with other meds so that KCN or SN is effective. I also plan to consume alcohol to reduce my pain as much as possible.

If I am unable to procure suicide meds, and if any other options fail, I will have no other choice but to lay on a train track and get killed by a train (which is easier said than done).

Do you have any recommendations regarding CBT. Also any resources to procure euthanasia meds?

 

[TheMetalhead]

Me personally I'd go for SN or hanging, train is a bit too gruesome.
If you were to go for SN, hide it well and if possible don't receive a package at your doorstep.
There's some other medications which you should have alongside SN but it's all in the SN megathread if you want more info.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Me personally I'd go for SN or hanging, train is a bit too gruesome.
If you were to go for SN, hide it well and if possible don't receive a package at your doorstep.
There's some other medications which you should have alongside SN but it's all in the SN megathread if you want more info.

Alright, thanks man.
Btw, do I CBT at home or do it outside home at a remote location, both are risky.
If I do it at home, I risk being discovered and rescued, which defeats the whole purpose.
If I do it outside at a remote location, far away from home, that would still raise an alarm. Yet this is slightly less riskier than doing it at home.

It is to be noted that I do not have a personal room at home, and that I live in an apartment. This adds a lot of risk to my plans being discovered. Also, because of this, Hanging will not be an option, unless, only one family member/ no family member is at home and I have at least one room to myself.

It is to be noted that the train option is dead last, I would use that option only if all the other options fail, and that I am left with no other choice.

Also, I will commit suicide before Feb 2024 begins, I will not want to be living beyond Jan 2024 under any cost. Also, as I had mentioned, my mental health and the condition is getting worse as the days pass. Yet I cannot rush through, if I do so my plan risks getting discovered. So I have to plan and act in a proper manner without making room for any errors at all.

Oh btw, for the train option, it is the dead last. If I decide to pursue that option, I will have to lay on the tracks (which is highly risky), or time my entry between train wheels perfectly so that I get decapitated. This one ensures that I won't be able to be saved at all.

What's ur inputs on this?

 

[TheMetalhead]

If I do it outside at a remote location, far away from home, that would still raise an alarm.

Doing it outside is nonetheless much easier option rather than doing it at home.
I'm saddened that your condition is only getting worse but life is a bitch.
Get your things together, leave a note if you want to (I'd suggest doing that as I haven't done it and i regretted it later)
I'm glad that the train is your dead last option, it ruins other people's mental too.
If you're going for SN, try to get your hands on some benzos, gets the job done well.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Doing it outside is nonetheless much easier option rather than doing it at home.
I'm saddened that your condition is only getting worse but life is a bitch.
Get your things together, leave a note if you want to (I'd suggest doing that as I haven't done it and i regretted it later)
I'm glad that the train is your dead last option, it ruins other people's mental too.
If you're going for SN, try to get your hands on some benzos, gets the job done well.

Unfortunately man, what can be done, life is truly a bitch.
It especially sucks when u are helpless and ur unable to do anything about the mental health condition.

I am unable to control my own damn mind, it feels like I am trapped, while being aware, yet no control over it as the days pass by.

Anyways, I won't be living beyond Jan 2024 for sure.

Appreciate ur inputs and response, thanks man.

 

[TheMetalhead]

Good luck brother, may you find your peace eventually

 

[Yavannah]

im sorry for your suffering :(
when you say that you are unable to control your facial expressions
do you speak about facial tics?
was there an illness or (traumatic) event that triggered it?
did it start after the C virus?
unfortunately, i cant help you with methods
as my method was taken away from me and i have not found an alternative method yet…

 

[befree]

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[PracheenKaal_00!]

im sorry for your suffering :(
when you say that you are unable to control your facial expressions
do you speak about facial tics?
was there an illness or (traumatic) event that triggered it?
did it start after the C virus?
unfortunately, i cant help you with methods
as my method was taken away from me and i have not found an alternative method yet…

Not face tics or C virus.

Not yet at least. Nevertheless I'm losing control of my mind and myself, and it's getting worse as the days progress.

No illness or traumatic event (but I've been trough mentally and psychologically torturing stuff by people, and multiple other events that led me to confirming my decision to commit suicide. I will detail this in another thread.

Btw, whatever I've typed is serious.

I don't know how to put this in a proper manner, I'll try my best.

This issue of me losing control of my own self, my mind, and my facial expressions slowly started in march of this year. The thing is I am unable to control my blinking, my facial expressions, etc. [ there is a lot more though, which I'll detail later as I'm unable to put it into words properly for time being, apologies for that :( ].

Also, I am unable to control my own damn mind. It feels like I'm stuck in my body while losing control as the days pass by, while being absolutely helpless. I have to behave in a really conscious manner, which does not work, help at all. Cuz I'm still unable to control my facial expressions etc. Added to the fact that my mind is going haywire, and I'm unable to control my own mind. I've been wearing masks to try and hide it.

It does not work as I'm not able to control my eye moments (In the sense lack of ability to focus in a proper manner), blinking etc all the time. If I remove my masks, I'm pretty sure that my reputation will be tarnished one and for all. I cannot go outside without wearing a mask. If people see my uncontrollable facial expressions, they will assume that I'm mentally retarded, take videos of me that could go viral, bully me and my family, that would lead to a host of whole other issues.

(I have tried to regain control over my mind and facial expressions outside. Unfortunately that day I was not wearing a mask. I'm pretty sure that 2-3 people took videos. Thankfully it looks like the video has not been posted, and that it hasn't gone viral at all, at least not yet. Big mistake not wearing a mask, will never not wear a mask next time :( ).

In my country, mental health is a huge taboo. If they get to know anything, they will treat me like an outcast, bully me and my family members.

Also, I'm losing control over my minds, thoughts, and focusing abilities (It's gonna get even worse as the days pass by).
I'm already being mocked, bullied due to this, if I remove my mask, it will be a death sentence.

I want to get a diagnosis, I'm afraid that I won't get a accurate diagnosis / my issues being dismissed. Hence I've decide once and for all not to get my mental health issue checked out. Also, I do not want to be admitted in a hospital ward, and be trapped there for a long time.

I have gotten help before, it worked, only temporarily, now my mental health is worse, and it's continuing to decline.
I have been bullied in a psychologically and mentally damaging manner. Added to the fact that my reputation has taken a bad hit, made me decide to not seek help to get my mental health evaluated, and get the required treatment.

And there is more stuff to be told. Again as I had mentioned, I will post it in a new thread.

Is this the only event that led me to confirm my decision to kill myself. No. Multiple other events lead me to this decision.
However, was this a major contributing factor in my decision making? Absolute yes.

I hope to end my suffering by Dec / Jan. I cannot rush through my plans yet, to ensure that my plans work.
Will I live beyond Jan 2024, absolute NO. I can assure y'all that I will kill myself before Feb 2024 starts, no matter what.

I just want my suffering, torture to end. I'm serious. I cannot handle it for long. I just cannot, cannot.

some common methods:

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Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

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Special thanks to @GasMonkey @Das Nichts @outrider567 for helping me to build my nitrogen gas setup Y’all are doing godly work, thank you 🙏 Can I get some thoughts on the final result?, that would be helpful, thank you Well what can I say ?! Impressive work, esp. the DIY aspect! What did the...

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SCUBA inert gas megathread This thread was made only for the SCUBA method. For other inert gas methods please use the other threads. ************ Since my post regarding the SCUBA method in another thread, there have been many questions regarding this method in several threads and by PM...

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Translation from German "Selbstbestimmt Sterben - Handreichung für einen rationalen Suizid (German Edition) Jessica Düber Amitriptyline guide "Tricyclic antidepressants General info Tricyclic antidepressants are psychotropic drugs with a general mood-lifting...

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sanctioned-suicide.net

This is just a general information. I do not encourage you to commit suicide and to use these methods. You act on your own responsibility.

Thanks for the inputs, I appreciate it.