Venting Oops I just gotta let it out

[bedhead_baby]

This doesn't matter and no one needs to read this and respond if you don't want to, I just have no one to talk to and I'm freaking out (a tired, delusional panic).

I so cannot go to work tomorrow. I just got home and showered and I have to be up early, I already have no time to do anything. I have so many things that need done, and I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat because I'm trying not to be unhealthy, so I'm left not eating anything at all.

I ordered a bunch of books with money I don't have (but will in a couple days, since I've been working so much fucking overtime), but I'm not excited for them anymore. I really want to end it right now, but I shouldn't. That's what the logical part of my brain says, at least. But I'm so tired. I don't want to work tomorrow. I wasn't supposed to work today but everyone keeps leaving. I don't want to keep going, but I want things to be better.

I don't know. I'm very lonely and I'd like someone to hold my hand. And I'm hungry. And I need a kiss.

Anyway, poor me and whatever. Just in a silly goofy mood posting silly goofy trash, I'm sorry. I'll delete this later and keep it from clogging everything, I just feel like I'm about to explode.

It would be so easy to do it right now, and I can't get that voice to stop.

 

[cactusflower]

I feel you. Loneliness is difficult and being suicidal doesn't help it at all. When you need courage and strength to break past and love yourself, it's no wonder people get so desperate that they want to end it. Not everyone has the resources or love, or people in their life to facilitate a healthy environment that would allow them to thrive.

I hope things get better for you soon. Remember that you always have a community here.

 

[figure8]

I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat because I'm trying not to be unhealthy, so I'm left not eating anything at all.

I don't know if I understood correctly, but eating anything would be healthier than eating nothing at all, so if you have access to food, you should eat it.

I really want to end it right now, but I shouldn't. That's what the logical part of my brain says, at least.

I think the logical part of your brain is correct. You're feeling overwhelmed, and I'm sure you'll feel moderately better once you eat and rest a bit.

Anyway, poor me and whatever. Just in a silly goofy mood posting silly goofy trash, I'm sorry. I'll delete this later and keep it from clogging everything, I just feel like I'm about to explode.

Your feelings are entirely valid. It's okay to feel this way, for any reason. No need to apologize for it, or for posting this thread, at all.

I ordered a bunch of books with money I don't have (but will in a couple days, since I've been working so much fucking overtime), but I'm not excited for them anymore.

Try to think of why you were excited for them in the first place, maybe that could help.


I apologize for the possibly shitty reply. It's almost morning and I'm tired, but I wanted to write this nonetheless.

 

[bedhead_baby]

I feel you. Loneliness is difficult and being suicidal doesn't help it at all. When you need courage and strength to break past and love yourself, it's no wonder people get so desperate that they want to end it. Not everyone has the resources or love, or people in their life to facilitate a healthy environment that would allow them to thrive.

I hope things get better for you soon. Remember that you always have a community here.

Thank you. I had a drink tonight for the second time ever (I really hate alcohol and I don't get very drunk), so I guess I'm on edge and jumbled and bleh. I hate to be so desperate and, frankly just stupid, but I'm sitting here waiting for someone to tell me it's okay to eat something. Like a dog.

And I have that temptation to just delete everything again because I said something silly, written far less maturely than I try to write, and now everyone will have opinions of me and whatnot.... And now I have to go to bed if I want any hope of getting enough sleep for tomorrow.

I suppose I'm very overstimulated....

 

[Misfit72]

I can only give you a virtual kiss and a hug but my thoughts are with you.

 

[bloodblacknothing]

being overworked and overwhelmed, feeling lonely, imminent suicidal ideation -- all completely valid reasons to feel so exhausted. things are bad enough without feeling like you're being infinitely, impossibly compressed, and i'm sorry you're going through that. i'd recommend eating, at least a little bit, but i know how hard it is to do that sometimes. i really wish i could something more tangible for you; the only coping mechanism i've got to recommend is music, but that's hardly a miracle cure.

what books were you looking forward to? it's not a book, but i was personally looking forward to getting the vinyl for the SIGNALIS soundtrack before things spiraled -- maybe one day! (though, i'm pretty sure it's all sold out by now... :p )

 

[bedhead_baby]

being overworked and overwhelmed, feeling lonely, imminent suicidal ideation -- all completely valid reasons to feel so exhausted. things are bad enough without feeling like you're being infinitely, impossibly compressed, and i'm sorry you're going through that. i'd recommend eating, at least a little bit, but i know how hard it is to do that sometimes. i really wish i could something more tangible for you; the only coping mechanism i've got to recommend is music, but that's hardly a miracle cure.

what books were you looking forward to? it's not a book, but i was personally looking forward to getting the vinyl for the SIGNALIS soundtrack before things spiraled -- maybe one day! (though, i'm pretty sure it's all sold out by now... :p )

Just a huge assortment of manga. I keep buying books with any spare money I have after pulling some out to save. Trying to keep my mind occupied. I'll have extra money this time around from working the 4th of July and my coworker's shifts.

 

[bloodblacknothing]

Just a huge assortment of manga. I keep buying books with any spare money I have after pulling some out to save. Trying to keep my mind occupied. I'll have extra money this time around from working the 4th of July and my coworker's shifts.

i've wanted to get into more stuff like that, it's just real hard to find the time -- plus, i've already got a monumental backlog of stuff i've just been pushing off for some reason.

well, i hope you're able to successfully occupy yourself for at least a little while!

 

[Huntfish34]

It Does matter, I'm glad I read it and thank you for sharing this with us. Silly , goofy , trash ? Nahh, not at all Imo. And please don't delete it, it's something very real and I can certainly relate to a lot of it.

Im right there with you on the work situation.. I guess it's not possible for you to call in sick or anything ? I didn't like to do it , but did when I knew I would be a dead weight all day long.

Go ahead and get some rest if possible, maybe something to munch on ?

Thoughts and prayers to you, take care -

 

[bedhead_baby]

It Does matter, I'm glad I read it and thank you for sharing this with us. Silly , goofy , trash ? Nahh, not at all Imo. And please don't delete it, it's something very real and I can certainly relate to a lot of it.

Im right there with you on the work situation.. I guess it's not possible for you to call in sick or anything ? I didn't like to do it , but did when I knew I would be a dead weight all day long.

Go ahead and get some rest if possible, maybe something to munch on ?

Thoughts and prayers to you, take care -

Thank you, and no. I'm the only person that can do the work on my side of the building right now as 2 people have quit, so the dogs would suffer the consequences if I just didn't show up. I work shelter kennels. I don't want to punish them for my problems. I can get it done, I just don't want to.

I feel very much like silly goofy trash because I'm whining like a child lol. I'm sleepy and irresponsible, so I stay up. But I will try to sleep.

 

[WantsToJumpAlready]

Thank you. I had a drink tonight for the second time ever (I really hate alcohol and I don't get very drunk), so I guess I'm on edge and jumbled and bleh. I hate to be so desperate and, frankly just stupid, but I'm sitting here waiting for someone to tell me it's okay to eat something. Like a dog.

And I have that temptation to just delete everything again because I said something silly, written far less maturely than I try to write, and now everyone will have opinions of me and whatnot.... And now I have to go to bed if I want any hope of getting enough sleep for tomorrow.

I suppose I'm very overstimulated....

I was gonna say as someone who also gets overstimulated, you do sound a bit overstimulated. Hugs to you - try and get a snack in when you can.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

It's really the worst feeling when you can't find anything to be happy about. Constantly working and draining yourself for our corporate overlords doesn't help. Loneliness on top of all that makes you feel more hopeless because there's nobody to turn to. Money is needed to survive and most jobs suck the life out of you. I don't understand how people enjoy living.

 

[HighFlight]

Thank you for sharing your feelings, And please don't delete this. Selfishly, all of these threads are very therapeutic for me. They remind me that I'm not the only one with problems - we all do in one way or another. And the responses helps me remember there really are kind and gentle people left in this world. You all have given me a little hope.

@bedhead_baby - I wish I had a better response, but truly wish that you get some food and rest, and find a little peace. Virtual hugs.

 

[alonely]

I ordered a bunch of books with money I don't have

I recently discovered that a local public library allows for free online registration for a library card which they mail to you, and that there are apps which let you borrow books via your library card for free. Not the same as a book you can hold but hey, free books. Might be worth looking into if you're interested

 

[bedhead_baby]

I recently discovered that a local public library allows for free online registration for a library card which they mail to you, and that there are apps which let you borrow books via your library card for free. Not the same as a book you can hold but hey, free books. Might be worth looking into if you're interested

I used to go to the library multiple times a week. I just enjoy having my own collection of books. Retail therapy I guess lol. But that is a great resource. I put in requests for them to order so many books they didn't have.