Venting Only 20 and my life is already almost over

[*Hope*]

Haven't come outside for almost few months now and I feel my sanity is starting to deteriorate.

Each time I go out in public I'm reminded of something, something that has taken my happiness and confidence away. Everyone judges me for it, even if I have absolutely no control over it.
I have talked to some people about it (was forced to really), and just as I thought.. Not one person understood me. Instead they told me that it's all in my head and that it's my fault for thinking about it so much, yet me, and other people like me, are judged, mocked, disrespected and even hated every single day. It has even become a norm on the internet (somehow it's not considered bodyshaming, so it's acceptable to insult people like me). Worst part is, if I speak up then I'm quickly shut down and further ridiculed.
They say it's because I lack "confidence" and I need to "love myself", yet the next moment they mock me and make sure I'm reminded how repulsive I am..
Each year is getting worse and worse.
I feel like a living joke and there's no way I can get help.

PS. It's pretty obvious what my "repulsive trait" is.

 

[WornOutLife]

Hey there, first of all, let me know you're not alone at all. Some people here, just like me, are or were in your shoes.

I was a NEET 1 month ago and even though I'm still being still suicidal, I'm having a kinda normal life now.

Those who say you gotta love yourself or stuff like that can go to hell! In my humble opinion, you just gotta decide WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOURSELF.

The options are simple: CTB or just... find a solution.

I'm trying the latter. Talking to a therapist, psychiatrist, myself and nothing seems to be working but I'm still trying and I actually do better from time to time.

So, to sum up, just try to do your best and you will realize what the best thing to do is.


Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[*Hope*]

Hey there, first of all, let me know you're not alone at all. Some people here, just like me, are or were in your shoes.

I was a NEET 1 month ago and even though being still suicidal, I'm having a kinda normal life now.

Those who say you gotta love yourself or stuff like that can go to hell! In my humble opinion, you just gotta decide WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOURSELF.

The options are simple: CTB or just... finding a solution.

I'm trying the latter. Talking to a therapist, psychiatrist, myself and nothing seems to be working but I'm still trying and I actually do better from time to time.

So, to sum up, just try to do your best and you will realize what the best thing to do is.


Hugs and love,

Matt

Thank you :)
Unfortunately, its something physical, so there is no fixing it. But i'll definitely try my best to not be a neet and go outside to breathe fresh air.

 

[Huntfish34]

Never quite been through that honestly... But I do often have an immense self hatred for myself,; along with the confidence, esteem, worth.. That can all spiral into isolation, and just stupid shit in general with my sick mind.

Very tough battle ,. I wish you Nothing but the best.

Butch.

P.S. With all the people making you mad and pissed off along the way.... Fuck'em !

 

[everydayiloveyou]

What is it that you have that makes you so different, is it a disability or deformity? If its that obvious and well-known that people on the internet make jokes about it, I'm guessing it's something common like being a certain weight, having acne, your beauty, fashion style, race, something like that?

Trust that no one worth knowing will ever genuinely judge you for anything like that. A lot of the people making mean jokes on the internet are not normal or good people. They're not the kind of people who would enrich your life or anything. The people who you've spoken to who tried to support you are more reflective of the real world than some random internet trolls.

Everyone makes judgements, but we all change our minds as we learn more about someone. So what if someone thinks you look funny at first? It doesn't mean that they will always think you're evil and not worth speaking to. Someone could talk to you for a bit and start to think "hey, that person seems like theyd be an awesome friend." You can't assume everyone is judging you and plotting your demise. First of all, you're not a mindreader, so you don't even know who's judging you or not. Next, its very rare for someone to care so much about you that they'll take the time out of their busy lives to make yours miserable. Anyone who goes to that extent is the one with problems, not you.

Again idk your exact predicament, but maybe look into doing an ACT workbook to help you through this, it's based on learning to accept your circumstances and changing your feelings about them. Look into body dysmorphia too. In any case, not going out for that long is a very extreme reaction to these feelings, definitely try getting professional help before you deteriorate further. It's not worth letting this control your life to this extent.

 

[DivineMedicus]

What is it that you have that makes you so different, is it a disability or deformity? If its that obvious and well-known that people on the internet make jokes about it, I'm guessing it's something common like being a certain weight, having acne, your beauty, fashion style, race, something like that?

Judging from OP's signature, he might be afflicted with some form of dwarfism.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm really sorry you've experienced this. It feels horrible to not receive the support from those close to you. I'd say you need a new friend group - people who are truly supportive - but I also know that is often easier said than done. Still, I don't think you should be surrounded by people who belittle you. No one needs that.

 

[Deleted member 25508]

What is it that you have that makes you so different, is it a disability or deformity? If its that obvious and well-known that people on the internet make jokes about it, I'm guessing it's something common like being a certain weight, having acne, your beauty, fashion style, race, something like that?

Trust that no one worth knowing will ever genuinely judge you for anything like that. A lot of the people making mean jokes on the internet are not normal or good people. They're not the kind of people who would enrich your life or anything. The people who you've spoken to who tried to support you are more reflective of the real world than some random internet trolls.

Everyone makes judgements, but we all change our minds as we learn more about someone. So what if someone thinks you look funny at first? It doesn't mean that they will always think you're evil and not worth speaking to. Someone could talk to you for a bit and start to think "hey, that person seems like theyd be an awesome friend." You can't assume everyone is judging you and plotting your demise. First of all, you're not a mindreader, so you don't even know who's judging you or not. Next, its very rare for someone to care so much about you that they'll take the time out of their busy lives to make yours miserable. Anyone who goes to that extent is the one with problems, not you.

Again idk your exact predicament, but maybe look into doing an ACT workbook to help you through this, it's based on learning to accept your circumstances and changing your feelings about them. Look into body dysmorphia too. In any case, not going out for that long is a very extreme reaction to these feelings, definitely try getting professional help before you deteriorate further. It's not worth letting this control your life to this extent.

this is just wrong. people are hardwired to make those judgments—it helps with mate selection and all that bullshit. "so what"? really?

you don't seem to understand that "inferior" people are passed over because people are ruthless in acting out their biological imperative. do you really think if he had access to the same quality of life as someone without his affliction, he'd be posting on a suicide forum right now? this kind of depression is circumstantial—not a "chemical imbalance" or anything of that sort. you're writing like it's his "mindset" that's the problem. sorry to sound so harsh, but that isn't very helpful at all, and even comes off as patronizing in my opinion.

with that in mind, the "people online aren't the same as they are in real life" argument doesn't hold up. people are mean online because they're mean in real life and don't like people who don't pander to their evolutionary tastes. what you think is an anomaly is actually the norm.

 

[death137]

I understand the hell you are going through because I've also similar problem. People tell us positive things but their actions are different. I don't blame them for not wanting us but they should stop giving false hope. Don't feel guilty for having low confidence or not loving yourself because the truth is ppl greatly care about appearance. How can you feel good when ppl around you care a lot about what you lack? Don't listen to ppl who tell you its on your head. I've accepted my situation and just waiting to ctb. I don't know about you but I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

 

[Antigonish]

Join the club. I'm thriving for the club 27.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

this is just wrong. people are hardwired to make those judgments—it helps with mate selection and all that bullshit. "so what"? really?

you don't seem to understand that "inferior" people are passed over because people are ruthless in acting out their biological imperative. do you really think if he had access to the same quality of life as someone without his affliction, he'd be posting on a suicide forum right now? this kind of depression is circumstantial—not a "chemical imbalance" or anything of that sort. you're writing like it's his "mindset" that's the problem. sorry to sound so harsh, but that isn't very helpful at all, and even comes off as patronizing in my opinion.

with that in mind, the "people online aren't the same as they are in real life" argument doesn't hold up. people are mean online because they're mean in real life and don't like people who don't pander to their evolutionary tastes. what you think is an anomaly is actually the norm.

I understand what you mean. I was trying to speak as someone who also has a physical difference that I can't help. I have a rare vision impairment though, so that's already different from OP's situation since I don't see anyone on the internet talking about unless they also have it. But I understand what it's like to be judged and made fun of for something I can't help or change. I've had people admit to me that they didn't want to approach me at first since it made them uncomfortable to look at me. People have said I look creepy and made fun of me for it. It sucks, it especially sucks because important people (bosses, teachers) often make those ignorant judgements, and they can deny you a job or make things difficult for you. It's very unfair and causes a lot of hopelessness and self-hate.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective to OP, because they're not doomed just because "evolution" is somehow influencing everyone to treat them badly. Survival of the fittest doesn't work that way. Humans are as abundant as we are because we cooperate and care for each other, thats what made us so "fit." We care for, love, work with, sympathize, and develop close relationships with those who happen to be "unfit," and we've done this since we were living in caves and shit. Some people will always be shitty of course -- but they wouldve been shitty even if OP were a "normal" person. It's not like there's some baseline level of normal where people leave you alone and have only neutral thoughts about you. Similarly there are just as many people who will treat OP as a fellow human being deserving of respect, even if their first impression of OP isn't exactly ideal.