I know I mourn all the time about it. I just should suck it up and live with it. I really try it. But as so often venting on here is like a valve. I tried different dating apps and now I use an app where you can comment on the profile before the match happens. Now I am spending time to invent creative texts for strangers. Sometimes I am using chatGPT for it. I don't know how many I will have to write maybe 100 before I get a match? There is even the chance there won't be any match at all.
Honestly, using this app shows me I am not the kind of person that copes with self-harm. However, most self-harm is physically. There was a time I tortured me with dental floss. But watching gore is also sort of self-harm in my opinion.
Emotionally I feel like crying and puking after spending so much time in writinfg these thoughtful comments knowing most of them will be ignored or even laughed at. The only thing that comforts me is that I recently had a date with a woman from a dating app and it was quite funny. She does not reply to my last message for quite some time. I think this could be a bad sign. A very bad sign. It is sunday why shouldn't she have time to respond? At the same time not even giving a second date a chance makes me wonder. I think the date was not that bad. But I think we are too different. She is still a riddle for me. I cannot read her well.
Honestly, using this app shows me I am not the kind of person that copes with self-harm. However, most self-harm is physically. There was a time I tortured me with dental floss. But watching gore is also sort of self-harm in my opinion.
Emotionally I feel like crying and puking after spending so much time in writinfg these thoughtful comments knowing most of them will be ignored or even laughed at. The only thing that comforts me is that I recently had a date with a woman from a dating app and it was quite funny. She does not reply to my last message for quite some time. I think this could be a bad sign. A very bad sign. It is sunday why shouldn't she have time to respond? At the same time not even giving a second date a chance makes me wonder. I think the date was not that bad. But I think we are too different. She is still a riddle for me. I cannot read her well.
