Discussion One step closer

[AnonymouslyBlue]

Sometimes it scares me how easily it is to sit beside a person who's been your significant other for almost 7 years and they have no idea about what's happening inside you. About the thoughts that swallow you whole or how they miss the way your eyes glass over just because you can't take "that" pain anymore.

Are they just oblivious to the demons inside your head? Or are we just so good at lying and faking it that they are none the wiser because they only see what you show them?

 

[TowerUpright]

Sometimes it scares me how easily it is to sit beside a person who's been your significant other for almost 7 years and they have no idea about what's happening inside you. About the thoughts that swallow you whole or how they miss the way your eyes glass over just because you can't take "that" pain anymore.

Are they just oblivious to the demons inside your head? Or are we just so good at lying and faking it that they are none the wiser because they only see what you show them?

I can COMPLETELY identify with this.

My wife has either no idea, or in complete denial. Likely both. For me, I think I'm a good faker. I have put on a show for years, and am holding out a little while longer.

Do you worry about your significant other discovering your mental state??

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

I can COMPLETELY identify with this.

My wife has either no idea, or in complete denial. Likely both. For me, I think I'm a good faker. I have put on a show for years, and am holding out a little while longer.

Do you worry about your significant other discovering your mental state??

It's nice to hear that you understand the crushing feeling, if anything it just makes bearing the weight of being alone a little easier.

In some ways, I think he already knows (my significant other) since this isn't the first time that I've dealt with depression. I just think that he isn't aware of how severe it is at this point and hasn't been aware for quite awhile. He's so wrapped up in his own mind that I don't think he really has the "space" to deal with my emotions, and although I don't feel any anger or hatred towards him, I do feel detached and that hurts more.

If he were to know though about where my mind sometimes takes me and if he knew about me being on this site, I don't think he would shut me out, but I don't think he'd understand and I guess in some ways that's worse.

What about you?
Are you afraid?

 

[Rachel74]

My partner knows everything and even knows I'm on here. He is supportive and my rock but he still doesn't understand why I want to die. I said if the bipolar goes I will stay alive but I've fought 22 years with this and I'm getting tired of it.

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

My partner knows everything and even knows I'm on here. He is supportive and my rock but he still doesn't understand why I want to die. I said if the bipolar goes I will stay alive but I've fought 22 years with this and I'm getting tired of it.

Do you think he will ever understand your reasons? Or do you fear that the moment he understands, he won't accept your emotions for what they are?

 

[Rachel74]

Do you think he will ever understand your reasons? Or do you fear that the moment he understands, he won't accept your emotions for what they are?

I don't know to be honest, I think he thinks I'll get better so he's got lots of hope. I think deep down he's frightened of what will happen if I do. He as apathy which is good as he's hit rock bottom himself so he knows the feeling.

 

[TowerUpright]

It's nice to hear that you understand the crushing feeling, if anything it just makes bearing the weight of being alone a little easier.

In some ways, I think he already knows (my significant other) since this isn't the first time that I've dealt with depression. I just think that he isn't aware of how severe it is at this point and hasn't been aware for quite awhile. He's so wrapped up in his own mind that I don't think he really has the "space" to deal with my emotions, and although I don't feel any anger or hatred towards him, I do feel detached and that hurts more.

If he were to know though about where my mind sometimes takes me and if he knew about me being on this site, I don't think he would shut me out, but I don't think he'd understand and I guess in some ways that's worse.

What about you?
Are you afraid?

I'm afraid of being found out, tbh. I just push my depression deep down and hope it doesn't bubble up any more than occasional sobbing. My wife hasn't detached from me. But she does get very preoccupied with her career and can just not notice stuff. Combined with the facts that her whole family deals with serious problems by ignoring them and she cannot pick up on mental cues, I really think she's oblivious. I myself am detached. I don't hate her at all. But I really feel less and less each day. At the risk of TMI, my sex drive is non-existent towards her. I'll just add that I'm at the limits of my imagination and pharmaceuticals in that realm. Failing completely.

For me, that crushing feeling comes from just being around her, touching, etc. It's like a ton of icy gravity hits me. I know what caused this, but not elaborating in a forum post.

And, children just complicates things.

I'm really glad to know I'm not alone, but sorry someone else is dealing with these things.

 

[Rachel74]

I'm afraid of being found out, tbh. I just push my depression deep down and hope it doesn't bubble up any more than occasional sobbing. My wife hasn't detached from me. But she does get very preoccupied with her career and can just not notice stuff. Combined with the facts that her whole family deals with serious problems by ignoring them and she cannot pick up on mental cues, I really think she's oblivious. I myself am detached. I don't hate her at all. But I really feel less and less each day. At the risk of TMI, my sex drive is non-existent towards her. I'll just add that I'm at the limits of my imagination and pharmaceuticals in that realm. Failing completely.

For me, that crushing feeling comes from just being around her, touching, etc. It's like a ton of icy gravity hits me. I know what caused this, but not elaborating in a forum post.

And, children just complicates things.

I'm really glad to know I'm not alone, but sorry someone else is dealing with these things.

I'm the same, no sex drive and no closeness anymore not that I don't love him or fancy him but I just have no desire. That does upset him x