Venting One of my classes makes me want to CTB

[EternalShore]

I hate how I exit one of my classes far more miserable than when I enter it~ You might think like "duh, it's college! ofc, it sucks!" But this one class nearly always make me even more depressed and sewer slidal, and I hate it so much! >_< It's a global humanities class about global cultures and stuff which sounds neat as a premise~ Unfortunately tho, it's a Humanities course about finding meaning~ Which, lol, considering I'm on this site, is just an ongoing reminder of why I want to CTB! It all just makes me so depressed and miserable, reminding me of my own hopelessness. :( This is especially true when they force us to have class discussions (which are graded)! >_<
It's required, and I don't know what to do about it... :((( Do you have any ideas? :)

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Hard as if is I would stay the course and try to get through it. Don't sabotage your life assuming you will end up curbing (ask me how I know).

Can you describe a little more on how it makes you feel?

 

[EternalShore]

Hard as if is I would stay the course and try to get through it. Don't sabotage your life assuming you will end up curbing (ask me how I know).

Can you describe a little more on how it makes you feel?

yeahhh, I plan on staying in it as I need to take it to graduate anyways, and I can't let a single credit go to waste in order to graduate according to schedule! >_< Since you mention it, How do you know? xD

It makes me feel depressed and hopeless. :( Especially when they make you do graded discussions! >_< Recently, they've been talking a lot about grief and brought up a reading which traumatized me in 8th grade, so I tried to ignore them, so I don't get sad.
Today, they did a graded discussion about being remembered for achievements which just made me feel terrible! >_< I just talked about how I wished to not be remembered for things that gave me misery and would much rather be remembered for my childhood than some grandious accomplishment in their middle ages.
The 2 people I could hear though both talked about how they just wanted to live an ordinary life with no major accomplishments with just a family and kids which just made me feel incredibly hopeless. :((( For that is all I can really care about either~ If everyone wants that, then everyone is competing for the same niche, and I certainly won't get anywhere since nobody likes me at all to begin with! >_< so hopelessness... lots and lots of hopelessness...

 

[SexyIncél]

You might talk like Rust, from True Detective

If someone calls you on it, you could point out that we're all regurgitating. We're being graded on it, talking for some utility — to be graded like cattle. To get a carrot, avoid a stick. Who's really themself in that room?

Even the teacher — where'd they be in the world, if they were free?