Venting one last talk

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i wanted to have a conversation with my ex right before i take my life, but i realized that he has given me enough "signs" that this is too much for him and that i can't and shouldn't count on him delivering his promise of being there in my last moments. im not angry or upset anymore, i understand, i really do. it's so stressful to be with someone when you know what they're doing to themselves, even if it's from a huge distance. i am still very sad, though. i think i wanted it to be him, i wanted him to be the last person i talk to, to help me feel less alone when my brain and body shut down.

 

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Just wanted to say I read this and am sending you love. Honestly I'm not sure what to say advice-wise, as I haven't been in a relationship and also am just having a hard time thinking. I understand your desire to be with someone you love(d) as you go; I also see how that could be too much for him.
Were you planning for tonight? I am, and I assumed that for you on first read, I think that's why I felt connected and the need to respond with something.
I wish you the best--a comfortable, peaceful exit if you choose that path, or a successful recovery.

thank you for being so kind. i will hang around for some months and see if i am capable of feeling better. the urges are very strong though. if you decide to go through with your exit, i hope it goes smoothly, and if not, i wish you to feel better and find a reason to stay ♡