One last mushroom trip?

[lululoo]

I could use some advice. Should I do mushrooms one more time before I CTB?

Pros:
-Could help me be more at peace with death if I have another mystical experience
-Tiny tiny chance (like hitting one atom with a dart in the whole universe) that it helps me in some way that turns my life around
-Tiny tiny chance that I unearth something I've repressed that helps explain why I'm so fucked up, and this brings me peace before dying
-Will help me feel like I've "tried everything" and therefore have the right to die

Cons:
-Could go badly and damage me in a way that I lose my mental strength to CTB
-Could make me feel a little better, thereby leading to further delay in CTB, and further misery because my life is still hopeless. chances of this are very slim.

Other relevant info:
-I have chronic physical health issues (fibromyalgia plus another chronic pain issue, and IBS, and possibly CFS)
-Chronic depression
-Very alone
-My life is not really salvageable unless the health issues get better, even then it is doubtful because I'm just not too lovable, I don't have interests, I hate working, etc. etc.
-I would trip alone in my home. I've done it before (three times, no bad trips). Just more nervous this time because my life is even worse than it was last time I did it.

Thank you! I'm really having trouble deciding.

 

[Jolene40]

It's a tough one. I'm not anti drugs at all but would be terrified to touch mushrooms now in in the state I'm in. I just know it would go horribly wrong. I found ecstasy more pleasurable and less risky back in the day . Always had bad come down though.
Go with your instinct.

 

[lululoo]

It's a tough one. I'm not anti drugs at all but would be terrified to touch mushrooms now in in the state I'm in. I just know it would go horribly wrong. I found ecstasy more pleasurable and less risky back in the day . Always had bad come down though.
Go with your instinct.

Thank you for weighing in. I am indeed afraid because of the low state I'm in. I may just be unable to overcome that and my choice will be made for me. But part of me wants to push through! Decisions are hard.