birdofafeather
Just tired
- Feb 12, 2023
- 45
I have had a shitty couple of years. With the combination of private images being leaked, as well as being isolated from all the people who used to be my friends, getting strangled, having my bank accounts completely drained, and being forced to detransition. Then there was the slut shaming directly after a suicide attempt, and a lot of other things I havent fully processed yet.(honestly, word of advice, you see a red flag? You suspect a relationship might be abusive? If you feel safe, talk to them, and if they react badly, or don't try to change their behaviour, run. It's not worth losing everything. Yeah, it's common sense, but emotions don't follow sense.)
As time goes on, I get more bitter, jaded, and toxic, due to the cruelty of others. Because of this, I end up losing people who I believed would be around forever.
It's a strange feeling, the idea that I'm poison, and every good thing I touch turns to dust, or gets contaminated by this virus that is my existence. I make good things fall apart. I am a leech that feeds on other people's pity and then leaves when they have nothing left to give
Nothing lasts forever. Obviously. Such is the fickleness of life. But the loneliness hurts more than anything. It's funny though, people keep saying that my suicidal ideation is temporary, but it's been here for over half my life. It's not going to go away, is it? Those people telling me to "hang in there" are just feeding me a cruel lie. I've reached this point where I am too tired to CTB, even though I want it now, more than ever.
I am too depressed to make new friends. With my neurodivergency, it was already hard enough as it was. Now, it seems impossible.
It's funny. I'm less actively suicidal than I used to be, back when things were better. I'm far far far more miserable though.
If I had my hands on SN right now, I wouldn't have a reason to write this post.
As time goes on, I get more bitter, jaded, and toxic, due to the cruelty of others. Because of this, I end up losing people who I believed would be around forever.
It's a strange feeling, the idea that I'm poison, and every good thing I touch turns to dust, or gets contaminated by this virus that is my existence. I make good things fall apart. I am a leech that feeds on other people's pity and then leaves when they have nothing left to give
Nothing lasts forever. Obviously. Such is the fickleness of life. But the loneliness hurts more than anything. It's funny though, people keep saying that my suicidal ideation is temporary, but it's been here for over half my life. It's not going to go away, is it? Those people telling me to "hang in there" are just feeding me a cruel lie. I've reached this point where I am too tired to CTB, even though I want it now, more than ever.
I am too depressed to make new friends. With my neurodivergency, it was already hard enough as it was. Now, it seems impossible.
It's funny. I'm less actively suicidal than I used to be, back when things were better. I'm far far far more miserable though.
If I had my hands on SN right now, I wouldn't have a reason to write this post.
