When I was younger I'd cut myself because it's what I saw other sadder people doing and I wanted to feel like I was struggling accurately or like seriously or like to a magnitude that should have harbored serious concern. Cutting now feels surgical and like as logical and precise as writing technical essays and documents. But the difference is that if anyone noticed it would be so humiliating and humbling and I'd feel like exposed and shit.
Sex is gross. I don't want to be used. Receiving feels like being someone's bitch that they can throw away for whoever comes along next. I just want to be his again. I don't want to be a girl. I don't want him to see me like a girl. I want him to want me as a tranny if anything. I hate how mad he gets when someone sees him as gay. Like fuck me I guess. I'm right here and we fucked like last weekend. I always hated how ashamed he was of me. I hated the feeling. I hate the feeling. And there's nothing I can do about it. He won't go back on anything he said about me that he doesn't mean now. I'm just some fucking freak bitch that's a horrible kisser even though he supposedly likes it because it's me. That wasn't the only reason. My body will always be a little fucking token to him because he's so much more man than tranny because he looks and acts the part. I want to be a man too. I don't like being my best friend's gbf either. But I love her. I'm angry with my dynamic with him too but I love him. Ugh.
Cutting and sex are two such feminine college project ideas. Cinematic just next to cigarettes and lounging around naked.
Also there are ants in my house lol.
Sex is gross. I don't want to be used. Receiving feels like being someone's bitch that they can throw away for whoever comes along next. I just want to be his again. I don't want to be a girl. I don't want him to see me like a girl. I want him to want me as a tranny if anything. I hate how mad he gets when someone sees him as gay. Like fuck me I guess. I'm right here and we fucked like last weekend. I always hated how ashamed he was of me. I hated the feeling. I hate the feeling. And there's nothing I can do about it. He won't go back on anything he said about me that he doesn't mean now. I'm just some fucking freak bitch that's a horrible kisser even though he supposedly likes it because it's me. That wasn't the only reason. My body will always be a little fucking token to him because he's so much more man than tranny because he looks and acts the part. I want to be a man too. I don't like being my best friend's gbf either. But I love her. I'm angry with my dynamic with him too but I love him. Ugh.
Cutting and sex are two such feminine college project ideas. Cinematic just next to cigarettes and lounging around naked.
Also there are ants in my house lol.
