On breakups

[tothemoon]

Hey everyone. Ex wife used me for money and now is happily living her life while I'm drowning in debt I used to help her. Married 4 years. Tried to kill myself but I'm doing better. Breakups are like nuclear bombs. If the initial blast doesn't kill you the radiation might. But here are two tips I think might help. 1. Will things get better? No not necessarily, being used utterly destroyed my life and I might never recover. You might not either. BUT I promise the specific pain of jealousy or missing them won't be as bad 18 months from now. Equally? Possible. But it won't be worse, take hope in that. The human psyche doesn't work that way. 2. Don't beg...ever. It doesn't work and it humiliates you. I did. I held out for 10 miserable months and would immediately answer her call when she didn't have friends to hang with or guys to hook up with. Don't be a plan B. If you're a 4 and they're a 10? Don't beg. If you'll never love again? Good...block their ass and move on. You have value...if they refuse to give you that, send em to hell and give it to yourself.

 

[Polka]

Good post. It sounds like you learned a lot from that and if she used for $ then it's good that she is history.

Another tip for men is do not get married. Research the statistics on divorce rates and who is more likely to initiate divorce. Oh and by the time she leaves she will have been thinking about it for at least six months so pay attention if you want to keep her/the relationship is fixable/she is worth it etc.

 

[tothemoon]

Good post. It sounds like you learned a lot from that and if she used for $ then it's good that she is history.

Another tip for men is do not get married. Research the statistics on divorce rates and who is more likely to initiate divorce. Oh and by the time she leaves she will have been thinking about it for at least six months so pay attention if you want to keep her/the relationship is fixable/she is worth it etc.

Ultimately you're right. Men shouldn't get married. Hopefully at least one guy will read this and take your advice
And I think that's another huge difference even if men do initiate divorce...the time spent planning it beforehand. Women will spend months...sometimes years planning it. That's not a knock on women its just the truth. A terribly cruel thing to do. Unless you fear for your life or something

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm in the middle of ending a 13 year marriage with two kids. So your situation can always be worse. I dunno the answer as to if it'll get better or not. My life is still spiraling a bit.

I don't necessarily blame her or women for situations like this. I blame the government and the states. They are incredibly unfair to men in these situations and I've seen a rather large share of men in similar situations who're also part of this forum because of it.

The male suicide statistics don't lie. Marriage is not very beneficial for men anymore which is why you see a huge decline in marriage stats as well. Eventually society will self correct but it'll be too little too late for many.

I wish you the best in these tough times and don't let it spoil love entirely for you. But I'd definitely avoid another marriage as that's also something I'm avoiding like the plague now.

 

[tothemoon]

I'm in the middle of ending a 13 year marriage with two kids. So your situation can always be worse. I dunno the answer as to if it'll get better or not. My life is still spiraling a bit.

I don't necessarily blame her or women for situations like this. I blame the government and the states. They are incredibly unfair to men in these situations and I've seen a rather large share of men in similar situations who're also part of this forum because of it.

The male suicide statistics don't lie. Marriage is not very beneficial for men anymore which is why you see a huge decline in marriage stats as well. Eventually society will self correct but it'll be too little too late for many.

I wish you the best in these tough times and don't let it spoil love entirely for you. But I'd definitely avoid another marriage as that's also something I'm avoiding like the plague now.

Forgive the assumption...is the primary reason you're on here because of.the divorce?

 

[Jean4]

I'm in the middle of ending a 13 year marriage with two kids. So your situation can always be worse. I dunno the answer as to if it'll get better or not. My life is still spiraling a bit.

I don't necessarily blame her or women for situations like this. I blame the government and the states. They are incredibly unfair to men in these situations and I've seen a rather large share of men in similar situations who're also part of this forum because of it.

The male suicide statistics don't lie. Marriage is not very beneficial for men anymore which is why you see a huge decline in marriage stats as well. Eventually society will self correct but it'll be too little too late for many.

I wish you the best in these tough times and don't let it spoil love entirely for you. But I'd definitely avoid another marriage as that's also something I'm avoiding like the plague now.

I don't know. In Stan's goodbye letter to me he said under different circumstances we probably would have gotten married. He wanted it.

Maybe it's an age thing? I'm 51 and Stan was up there in age. We are both set in our ways. Not still finding oneself. What you see is what you get. If we did marry, there would be no growing apart.

 

[Final Escape]

So sorry u got swindled by a bad woman. It's easier for women to get away with this now because laws favor women over men in divorce. Which makes it easier for women to divorce and benefit at the expense of men even when they are at fault or u guys are just unhappy but there's no abuse. Women would behave different if there was serious consequences for divorce to them financially. Sorry u have to go through this :(
These destructive laws started sometime in the 60's or 70's I think. Before that women were fucked if they decided to leave a unsatisfying marriage. I know it hurts now but she we'll get what's coming one day trust me. She will realize that she's now lower value because women lose value to high quality partners as we age and have kids by another man. So she might wake up one day regretting this even if she it appears like she's living well now. The grass won't be greener but she thinks it is now.

 

[tothemoon]

Thank you. Honestly...I do feel a bit lucky she did this now instead of 20 years from now like some marriages.

So sorry u got swindled by a bad woman. It's easier for women to get away with this now because laws favor women over men in divorce. Which makes it easier for women to divorce and benefit at the expense of men even when they are at fault or u guys are just unhappy but there's no abuse. Women would behave different if there was serious consequences for divorce to them financially. Sorry u have to go through this :(

 

[Jean4]

So sorry u got swindled by a bad woman. It's easier for women to get away with this now because laws favor women over men in divorce. Which makes it easier for women to divorce and benefit at the expense of men even when they are at fault or u guys are just unhappy but there's no abuse. Women would behave different if there was serious consequences for divorce to them financially. Sorry u have to go through this :(
These destructive laws started sometime in the 60's or 70's I think. Before that women were fucked if they decided to leave a unsatisfying marriage.

Not necessarily. If I married Stan and we got divorced, he would take me to the cleaners and I would probably have to pay him spousal support... even if he was the reason we got divorced.

 

[Final Escape]

Not necessarily. If I married Stan and we got divorced, he would take me to the cleaners and I would probably have to pay him spousal support... even if he was the reason we got divorced.

Ok so with exceptions, there are cases where it's the woman but on average it's the man that gets screwed, they typically earn more than women even though we are told that most women are capable of the same earnings. Yea some women are but not on average.

 

[Jean4]

Ok so with exceptions, there are cases where it's the woman but on average it's the man that gets screwed, they typically earn more than women even though we are told that women are capable of the same earnings and can have it all.

Finances was one of Stan's reasons for CTB. He lost his job and couldn't find anything else. I'm on disability. What a pair lol.

 

[Final Escape]

Finances was one of Stan's reasons for CTB. He lost his job and couldn't find anything else. I'm on disability. What a pair lol.

Right, did u guys ever meet in person?

 

[Jean4]

Right, did u guys ever meet in person?

He was in the UK, me USA. We lived on Skype. Ate together, date nights... better than being there. We even slept with the Skype on lol.

 

[Final Escape]

He was in the UK, me USA. We lived on Skype. Ate together, date nights... better than being there. We even slept with the Skype on lol.

Omg that is so romantic :) made me tear up. I don't know if I could do that but if it worked for awhile it's worth it.

 

[Jean4]

Omg that is so romantic :) made me tear up. I don't know if I could do that but if it worked for awhile it's worth it.

Honestly, this was my first relationship. I needed this to learn what the hell to do in a relationship lol. This was fine for the time being.

 

[Final Escape]

Honestly, this was my first relationship. I needed this to learn what the hell to do in a relationship lol. This was fine for the time being.

That is really something special, now I understand why it was so hard on u to lose him. I didn't know your story that well. But I'm getting to know u now. I hyjacked the thread sorry lol

 

[Jean4]

That is really something special, now I understand why it was so hard on u to lose him. I didn't know your story that well. But I'm getting to know u now. I hyjacked the thread sorry lol

Lol. It's ok. I am sure there are others here have the same questions ;)

 

[Midnight]

I agree with keeping your self worth and not giving in to the one who left when they contact you afterwards. However it's easy to give into that out of sheer loneliness. I assume this forum contains alot of people who have a difficult time finding a partner let alone get a new one after the first bails out.

I did the same thing when my ex left me after 3 years only to hook up with the next guy 2-3 weeks later. Her newfound love didn't last long and 6months later she needed my support (didn't want me back though) i cannot even comprehend my own foolishness to give into that and spend time with her. I even lend her my car 2 days when her's broke down so go figure. Anyway all i'm getting at is loneliness or the fear of becoming alone is a strong emotion and makes you do things you wouldn't even think of doing when you are past all that.

Well all in all i'm gratefull that i didn't endure such hardships,marriage and divorce like OP has. That is surely enough to break a man. Glad to see you are past that point now. Wish you all the best.

Loneliness has been the bane of my existence and i think the same goes for alot of people who spent their lives in depression and ended up here to seek solace or means to a swift and painless end.

This year though it absolutely must end for me. Either i strike luck and somehow my life changes for the good or i shuffle off this mortal coil ... no more in between. 2 decades of suicidal depression has been more than enough. 2020 is the year.

 

[Jean4]

I agree with keeping your self worth and not giving in to the one who left when they contact you afterwards. However it's easy to give into that out of sheer loneliness. I assume this forum contains alot of people who have a difficult time finding a partner let alone get a new one after the first bails out.

I did the same thing when my ex left me after 3 years only to hook up with the next guy 2-3 weeks later. Her newfound love didn't last long and 6months later she needed my support (didn't want me back though) i cannot even comprehend my own foolishness to give into that and spend time with her. I even lend her my car 2 days when her's broke down so go figure. Anyway all i'm getting at is loneliness or the fear of becoming alone is a strong emotion and makes you do things you wouldn't even think of doing when you are past all that.

Well all in all i'm gratefull that i didn't endure such hardships,marriage and divorce like OP has. That is surely enough to break a man. Glad to see you are past that point now. Wish you all the best.

Loneliness has been the bane of my existence and i think the same goes for alot of people who spent their lives in depression and ended up here to seek solace or means to a swift and painless end.

This year though it absolutely must end for me. Either i strike luck and somehow my life changes for the good or i shuffle off this mortal coil ... no more in between. 2 decades of suicidal depression has been more than enough.

Nicely stated. I understand loneliness. But sometimes it's better to get a cat (or 4) and be alone.