Venting Obsession

[LivedAndNotLoved]

I just want to say before you start reading, I know 100% that everything you will read is all completely irrational and completely selfish of me. But I cant help thinking this way and this is an attempt to try to clear my head.

I'm in love with this man that I shouldn't be in love with. And since my breakdown in February, I've turned into a stupid obsessed person over it. I constantly envy everything that hes got: his family, his house, his way of life - everything. I feel so angry and upset over who I am I go through the cycle of pure self-loathing - I might as well kill myself - start planning, then I end up thinking I'm going to stay alive just to spite others, even though no one actually hates me (see what I mean, I'm fucked!).

I had to give up drinking/other things that I liked to do and haven't had a drink in over a month. And since then life has got so much worse. I HATE the days, experiencing life in general. When I was drunk or off it I never gave a shit. I was still depressed but it was more bearable.

Now I have this ridiculous obsession and I genuinely do try to take my mind off things but most of the time it just wont go away.

I dont know why I care.

Dont know what the hell to do.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry you're in a bad place in your life. Congratulations on not having a drink in over a month. That is quite an accomplishment. Maybe seeing a therapist for your depression and self-loathing would help. I hope things get better for you.

 

[faust]

I know what you mean and I am sorry for that...
If you are obsessed with a person, try to ask yourself first, is it the person you are obsessed with or you just want to start living, enjoy this life and be happy?
We associate our happiness with other people very often, we are in love with the image in our mind which seems ideal for us.
Even when we break up, we love the image of a person who he used to be before or has never been.
It is crucial to understand is it the person you love or the image of ideal life which you created and are looking for...
Sending you hugs