obsession with death

[jonghyun]

for as long as i can remember i've had this weird fixation on the concept of dying and people have told me like 'its weird to think about it this much' so i wonder if anyone is the same in this sense...

i used to spend a lot of my time in graveyards before i became sort of agoraphobic. i would just sit in them and enjoy the quiet and read the tombstones. Try to find people my age that died. I read books on the death industry and know a lot about cremation etc. i read obituaries of people my age that passed. I used to be fascinated by school shootings (not in the bad way, in the 'omg that is so tragic' way). Obsessed with sylvia plath. Like i romanticise death and suicide in a way. The only books i can read must have sad endings, the only fics i can read must have major character death. The only movies i can watch must have death in them too and make me so sad i cry and cry and cry at them. Something about death especially suicide has just always been present in my life whether it was wanting to do it vs being fascinated by it..

Also, im not sure how many people on here will be familiar (like with korean celebrities), but when jonghyun died by suicide in 2017 i read his note and every word resonated with me. I was so depressed as well because he was my favourite since i was a child, but also the fact that one minute he was here and the next he was gone was something i ruminated over. Same with moonbin this may and sulli a few years ago. The fact that they felt the same as me and came to the same conclusions about ending it. The fact they must have thought it over and over and over. I dont know how to put it into words well. But it has always been so present in my mind..

 

[FuneralCry]

I've personally always spent my existence thinking about death, I see it as being the only comfort in this awful world filled with endless suffering, it could never be weird thinking about death as it's all that we are destined for, eventually this existence won't even be a distant memory and everything will be forgotten about for us. The problem is that some people don't want to face the fact that death will erase everything for them someday and they would prefer to focus on this meaningless and futile existence which could be why they label thinking about the inevitable as being "weird".

 

[The anhedonic one]

I love graveyards too. I find them to be beautiful and peaceful places.
I love the very old gravestones that have faded away, and are overgrown. These people have been forgotten about, nobody comes to visit them anymore.
It reinforces the fact that all memory of our existence shall fade away for good.

 

[jonghyun]

I've personally always spent my existence thinking about death, I see it as being the only comfort in this awful world filled with endless suffering, it could never be weird thinking about death as it's all that we are destined for, eventually this existence won't even be a distant memory and everything will be forgotten about for us. The problem is that some people don't want to face the fact that death will erase everything for them someday and they would prefer to focus on this meaningless and futile existence which could be why they label thinking about the inevitable as being "weird".

yes.. death is so stigmatised and people do not want to think about it or process it :( so sad.. the reason ctb is so hard I think. Maybe if we normalised it and talked about it more then people would be less scared to think about the concept of death and provide some relief for whoever wants... it is so horrible that the human right we have to our own lives is infringed upon. If people want to die.. let them.. who are you to tell them no..

I love graveyards too. I find them to be beautiful and peaceful places.
I love the very old gravestones that have faded away, and are overgrown. These people have been forgotten about, nobody comes to visit them anymore.
It reinforces the fact that all memory of our existence shall fade away for good.

in fact i was once questioned by a lady in a graveyard as i was walking by the tombstones she said 'who have you lost?' And i was a bit awkward and just said 'oh.. no one haha im just here cos its peaceful' and she said to me 'it is so nice that the people here have someone to read their names and remember them even when their own relatives are long gone'

 

[Forever Sleep]

There were so many deaths in my close family growing up that I think I became pretty fixated with it early on too. I once looked back at a bunch of greetings cards I had bought and they were all gallows humour about death. I also kind of realised there wasn't really an occasion to send them to anyone either! I must still have them somewhere... I think I've always sort of wanted to be a Goth but I'm too boring for that.