Now that plan is finalized, depression is lifting

[stilhavinightmares]

My plan to ctb is finalized for a few weeks from now. Knowing that is all set got me through the holiday (along with many edibles) and I actually had a nice time with family. Today, I don't feel as miserable, in as much pain, or as hopeless as I did before. I have been thinking about suicide SIGNIFICANTLY less since I finalized my plan. It's such an interesting phenomenon because I almost don't even feel suicidal now that it's all set…

So I ask myself if it wasn't all set, would I still feel less depressed right now? What if I just keep moving it and recover in that time? Now that I have it planned I know I need to do it absolutely because my mind won't let me not do it, but it's just really interesting how the mind has this enormous sigh of relief knowing I will be going.

 

[aforestfire]

there's comfort in knowing that everything will end soon, knowing that you can go whenever you want and don't have to endure any more suffering that you don't want. i'm looking forward to make a solid "exit plan", i think is the only thing that can calm me down.
anyways, i hope you find the peace that you want

 

[Someone123]

Did you possiby want to share your method? MIne is sn, but I worry that sometimes it doesn't work, though it usually works.

 

[nomotels1443]

I really agree... today i got my shipping confirmation about my SN and now that i know that it's coming i feel more relieved. i feel glad that i know that i only have months of suffering left so i can make the most out of them and will finally be gone

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[rpxrpl]

I remember feeling like this when I counted down to previous attempts. Unfortunately those methods were too scary for me to actually follow through with, and when I realized I wasn't going to do it the stress came back. I think for me chemicals such as SN are really my only option but I haven't found a source yet.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

there's comfort in knowing that everything will end soon, knowing that you can go whenever you want and don't have to endure any more suffering that you don't want. i'm looking forward to make a solid "exit plan", i think is the only thing that can calm me down.
anyways, i hope you find the peace that you want

Thank you. Likewise.

Did you possiby want to share your method? MIne is sn, but I worry that sometimes it doesn't work, though it usually works.

SN is my method!

What's your method?

SN

I remember feeling like this when I counted down to previous attempts. Unfortunately those methods were too scary for me to actually follow through with, and when I realized I wasn't going to do it the stress came back. I think for me chemicals such as SN are really my only option but I haven't found a source yet.

Wishing you peace.

I really agree... today i got my shipping confirmation about my SN and now that i know that it's coming i feel more relieved. i feel glad that i know that i only have months of suffering left so i can make the most out of them and will finally be gone

I hope you find peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it makes sense to feel relieved that you are leaving this world. And I also think that having a way out of this life can make some people feel more calmer as they won't feel so trapped here and they know that whatever this life has burdened them with will soon no longer be their problem. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have wondered a lot if this would happen to me. Quite honestly- it's one of the main things I think about.

I did a job I found extremely stressful for over 3 years. When I handed in my resignation, it was bliss! Like this massive weight had been lifted... I've wondered whether knowing your CTB date would feel the same.

I start fantasizing that I will even take a few trips to say goodbye to places before I go. (Depending on how much money I had left.) I think it would be somehow easier to enjoy a few things- knowing that you were going to spare yourself all the later crap in life. I really do just want to CTB to get me out of the rest of my life and all the things I REALLY don't want (but have) to do in it. Maybe that's a weak reason but I don't really care- it's my life.

It even got me thinking about all those poor sods who slave away at work until retirement and then- drop dead before they get to enjoy any of it. Like- how much better would it be if we all knew when our time was? We could actually spend the time with family or friends or doing stuff we wanted to do.

I do understand what you mean that it may end up making you postpone the date- but nevermind if it does. You'll know when the time is right. You don't have to commit to anything. Just enjoy the slight easing of the depression. Drink in any of the good stuff remaining in this life and meet death on your terms. All the best to you.

 

[MideonNViscera]

I hear ya. Whenever I start planning to CTB I always end up more relaxed and less anxious than when I have my life in front of me.