Venting Nothing matters anymore

[FoxSauce]

To be honest I dunno where my life is going at this point. It's all sad and bleak I just don't want to be a part of it. I don't know how people can find a silver lining where there isn't any. There's murder, corruption, wars, racism, sexisim, comunisim ect. I just dont see how can go on with their lives knowing all of that is going on, many people told me to focus on the present to be mindful of everything I have which even typing this makes me feel selfish.

Nothing maters, I even try to buy stuff for myself so i dont feel empty most of the time but that doesn't even work at this point.

Since I was a kid I still see the world as black filthy world full of some awful people. Who are the ones who are truly happy? I've been trying for a long time to find happiness. I have no idea if I'm just not trying hard enough or just lazy.

I even stop taking my medication because I just don't see the point anymore. I just don't want to exist. I havent accomplished much in life I just feel useless. I think I'm not deserving of love or a sense of tranquility, I don't see myself with a family or a significant other. I pretty much I have no idea where I'm going. I wish I could cbt and get it over with but I'm much of a coward to do so, I couldn't do that to my freinds and family...the only reason I keep going is because to not leave them.

I feel like I shouldn't complain either cuz people have it way worse than me, I just feel empty and alone. I pretty much hate living in this world not like I have a choice but oh well.

Anyways sorry for the long rant, hope yall have a good one

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to not exist, to permanently cease existing is all I could ever personally hope for, I'd never wish to suffer in this existence, I just hope for non-existence instead. But anyway I wish you the best.