HopefulSleep
Wants to sleep
- Apr 24, 2023
- 888
Every idiot who wants to hinder me from ctb pisses me off so off, without those idiots I would have been long dead with a peaceful overdose but no they had to revive me and I have to do less painless methods.
They try to scare me from death by torturing me in a psych ward but they don't understand that death is the only possible way to escape my pain, I just have to use a less peaceful methods cause of them.
I went to therapists for 3 years and they didn't do anything, they just talk nonsense, they don't make my childhood trauma go away, the only thing they say is that I should go out more often and lay in the sun and some bullshit as if this makes all the pain away, I am nothing I am just a broken thing that sits in front of his pc all the time cause I have no friends and I just feel pain.
It is very disgusting and is basically torture to force someone who only feels pain to live just for others to be happy, the only real argument others brought up is cause they are sad without me, this is probably cause they are in this happy life system cause they aren't hurt that much.
In the past I asked my mother if I could just kill myself and she pretends like she didn't hear it but she refused, she just got angry and said that I have to move out if I say that again.
It is so selfish to rather have someone alive who just feels pain than letting them die just cause of some natural feelings that parents have, if she would love me then she would understand.
And then pro lifers wonder when people jump in front of trains or whatever when they are just so scared of brain damage or psych wards just cause of them.
I am having panic attacks every day but no one cares, my broken brain forces me to think about things that hurt me but pro lifers don't understand this, they just try to force me to use medication that makes me feel worse, I wish every pro lifer would be in the hell that I am in daily then they would rapidly change their view on suicide.
This shows that empathy isn't a good thing often, many people with it just think that they understand someone and don't think objectively.
Most pro lifers probably were never bullied, abused, saw someone die in agony etc. they are so delusional that peaceful death is something bad to them.
There are people who are disabled to the point that they feel things but aren't able to kill themselves, forcing them to be alive is just actual torture, it is sensory deprivation cause it could be fixed by death if the person wants it of course but no they are forced to be alive cause of some moral rules made by delusional people.
It is all a weird thing honestly, many people who ctb got abused and instead of punishing the people who are at fault the person who failed to ctb gets punished, it is all just so dumb and unfair I can't wait until humanity finally kills itself or better actual proper moral rules but that is not going to happen anyway.
I wish my mother had aborted me, I closely survived being born anyway just to go through this hell and kill myself in the end.
Being in a psych ward was actual mental torture, I had no pc and therefore couldn't distract myself from my trauma with some dopamine boosts, I just layed in my bed and felt sexual arousal when my brain forced me to think about traumatic events and I masturbated to it for the dopamine rush and I never felt this disgusting and I couldn't do anything else, I was always in front of my pc before cause I am not a social person which is my right and they took my only coping mechanism away from me and they said it is cause I am addicted to it, I am rather fucking addicted to my pc and phone than feeling my trauma but pro lifers don't understand it.
I hate my mother so much, once I told her in the past a suicide plan and she told others and I had to go to a psych ward for months, I was so scared of going there.
They try to scare me from death by torturing me in a psych ward but they don't understand that death is the only possible way to escape my pain, I just have to use a less peaceful methods cause of them.
I went to therapists for 3 years and they didn't do anything, they just talk nonsense, they don't make my childhood trauma go away, the only thing they say is that I should go out more often and lay in the sun and some bullshit as if this makes all the pain away, I am nothing I am just a broken thing that sits in front of his pc all the time cause I have no friends and I just feel pain.
It is very disgusting and is basically torture to force someone who only feels pain to live just for others to be happy, the only real argument others brought up is cause they are sad without me, this is probably cause they are in this happy life system cause they aren't hurt that much.
In the past I asked my mother if I could just kill myself and she pretends like she didn't hear it but she refused, she just got angry and said that I have to move out if I say that again.
It is so selfish to rather have someone alive who just feels pain than letting them die just cause of some natural feelings that parents have, if she would love me then she would understand.
And then pro lifers wonder when people jump in front of trains or whatever when they are just so scared of brain damage or psych wards just cause of them.
I am having panic attacks every day but no one cares, my broken brain forces me to think about things that hurt me but pro lifers don't understand this, they just try to force me to use medication that makes me feel worse, I wish every pro lifer would be in the hell that I am in daily then they would rapidly change their view on suicide.
This shows that empathy isn't a good thing often, many people with it just think that they understand someone and don't think objectively.
Most pro lifers probably were never bullied, abused, saw someone die in agony etc. they are so delusional that peaceful death is something bad to them.
There are people who are disabled to the point that they feel things but aren't able to kill themselves, forcing them to be alive is just actual torture, it is sensory deprivation cause it could be fixed by death if the person wants it of course but no they are forced to be alive cause of some moral rules made by delusional people.
It is all a weird thing honestly, many people who ctb got abused and instead of punishing the people who are at fault the person who failed to ctb gets punished, it is all just so dumb and unfair I can't wait until humanity finally kills itself or better actual proper moral rules but that is not going to happen anyway.
I wish my mother had aborted me, I closely survived being born anyway just to go through this hell and kill myself in the end.
Being in a psych ward was actual mental torture, I had no pc and therefore couldn't distract myself from my trauma with some dopamine boosts, I just layed in my bed and felt sexual arousal when my brain forced me to think about traumatic events and I masturbated to it for the dopamine rush and I never felt this disgusting and I couldn't do anything else, I was always in front of my pc before cause I am not a social person which is my right and they took my only coping mechanism away from me and they said it is cause I am addicted to it, I am rather fucking addicted to my pc and phone than feeling my trauma but pro lifers don't understand it.
I hate my mother so much, once I told her in the past a suicide plan and she told others and I had to go to a psych ward for months, I was so scared of going there.
