greyblue_bian
2x Failed CTB Member
- Jun 10, 2022
- 162
I've tried what I can. I went to therapy. I started getting active more. I tried making sure I woke up early and went to bed at an okay time. I tried going out and hanging out with friends. I tried journaling. I tried venting. I tried making sure I eat more during the day. I tried keeping myself occupied. I tried keeping up with taking care of my skin and making sure I wash up and brush my teeth everyday. I've tried everything that I know. At the end of the day, there is no progress. At this point, I am walking in place. I no longer care if things get better. I no longer want to live. I just don't care much. And I think that's why. I don't there is anything I can do. I've given multiple crys out for help and multiple warnings because I think the only reason I am seriously considering staying is because I have a few friends this time around that care for me. They really do and I just don't want them to get hurt by this. I am sure they won't be very hurt by this since I don't think I'm as close to them compared to their other friends, but they seem to care about me enough to at least be hurt by it a bit. But, I can't keep holding out and dragging myself along for other people. I'm worn out and tired. Right now, all I'm wanting to do is make sure I buy everything I need to CTB, figure out my plan, and just do the things I want to do before I go like take myself out and have hang outs. That's all. I have no cares for anything else. I'm running out of energy to just do the things I want to.