Nothing Has Changed

[L9my]

it's been something like 9-10 months (Jan 2025) since I really wanted to die.
I honestly look back on those times a bit wistfully, because if I had tried harder I'd have gone and killed myself happily, without worrying about the people who knew me.

Now, I'm in a similar place except I'm sure i won't be so happy because I'll be much more aware that those around me will be hurt in some way by my loss.
So I have a choice:

• keep living until everyone i know is dead
• wait until things get so bad on the outside that suicide makes sense for those around me
• be selfish and just do it

And I keep thinking, why wait?
Why wait to kill yourself. Every time you wait to kill yourself there are only more regrets. Mainly the regret of not having killed yourself sooner.
Why not say, I'll kill myself in x amount of time (so it's not an impulsive decision by any stretch of the imagination) and then enjoy whatever time you have left.
Then die somewhat happy knowing it's a choice you made, for yourself because you wanted to.

 

[WornOutLife]

Your words hit me, especially this:

"keep living until everyone I know is dead"

That has been my main reason for living so far but yeah, sometimes we are done with waiting. Thus, the cycle just repeats itself.

 

[martyrdom]

Then die somewhat happy knowing it's a choice you made, for yourself because you wanted to.

So fucking real, thank you for putting it into words.