Venting Nothing going for me

[istheretrulyalife?]

I just realized a lot of things that I already knew, but refused to accept.

I am extremely socially awkward, I can't start and rarely keep a conversation going. The most social interaction i have had is with my gym trainer and my parents for the past few months.

All the friends I used to have 5 years ago are gone now, some moved out of state and some just lost contact with me.

I genuinely don't know how to make friends. I'm a pretty boring person. Who wants to be friends with a guy who doesn't like sports, hiking, or anything outdoors? I just video games and shows.

I've looked online and tried going to clubs, library, cafe, etc. Still, I can't make a conversation nor does anyone approach me. It just feels like I have nothing going for me.

I have never had any romantic partner nor have I felt any romantic feelings. I do know for a fact I'm straight (just letting people know).

It just feels like I'm destined to be some sort of self loathing and bitter hermit. I just wish I could be a better person, have different interests and hobbies.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe you should go to video game conventions where you have that in common with others? Just a thought.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

Maybe you should go to video game conventions where you have that in common with others? Just a thought.

I did attend a few, but (I don't want to accidentally dox myself) there isn't a lot within an hour where I live. I mean, there are some movie theaters and a trampoline place, but that is for children.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I did attend a few, but (I don't want to accidentally dox myself) there isn't a lot within an hour where I live. I mean, there are some movie theaters and a trampoline place, but that is for children.

It's hard to meet people. It's not just you. It gets harder and harder as you age, too.

 

[EternalShore]

Relatable. Can't give advice because mostly same. lol
Altho, I will say your interests are probably still more beneficial for you than mine are! >_< I'm practically engineered to just hate everyone! :(

 

[theslasher]

Video games are a lot of fun, and it's possible to make friends with others who are into that stuff too. But you said you don't have any other interests other than video games. Do you think it's because you genuinely dislike everything else? Or do you think it's more so the fact that you haven't gotten out there and tried everything else? If I had to guess it'd be the later, because there's a whole lot of stuff out there and it's basically impossible to try everything lol, there's unlimited interests and hobbies to dive into. And idk about you, but how could you even think about ctb when you haven't even tried it all? If you don't know where to start, I guess you can start off with a list of things that you absolutely hate so you can see all the types of activities that you don't enjoy at all. Then after that, ask yourself why you like video games. Is it the feeling you get after overcoming a challenge? Is it the teamwork? Or do you like single player games more? Find out what exact things like about video games and find activities with the same characteristics.

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

What shows and games do u like? I feel like I have a lot of interests and hobbies and try to meet people with the same but nothing comes out of it. I don't like sports either and mostly like games, anime and music.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

Video games are a lot of fun, and it's possible to make friends with others who are into that stuff too. But you said you don't have any other interests other than video games. Do you think it's because you genuinely dislike everything else? Or do you think it's more so the fact that you haven't gotten out there and tried everything else? If I had to guess it'd be the later, because there's a whole lot of stuff out there and it's basically impossible to try everything lol, there's unlimited interests and hobbies to dive into. And idk about you, but how could you even think about ctb when you haven't even tried it all? If you don't know where to start, I guess you can start off with a list of things that you absolutely hate so you can see all the types of activities that you don't enjoy at all. Then after that, ask yourself why you like video games. Is it the feeling you get after overcoming a challenge? Is it the teamwork? Or do you like single player games more? Find out what exact things like about video games and find activities with the same characteristics.

I'm not really sure honestly. I do go to the gym to keep myself healthy but i can't get the courage to go up to someone. I do hate myself for it since I'm 20 and should be able to overcome my social anxiety, but it's like my body stops me.

Edit: im still very on the fence about ctb and I only asked around to just have some sort of method. It is oddly comforting to have something you can control, even if it is seen as awful. I don't think I will ctb within the next few years. I'm just planning to do everything I can to get better and see how life goes. I'm on this forum because there are people like me here, and it isn't like I can talk about this stuff with people without getting sent to a psych ward.

I've been looking into stuff for the past few months to get myself out of my shell but realistically the place I live in isn't the best. It is remote but populated enough to be called a city, but there isn't much around here within a 1 hour drive. There is something 3 hours away (again, won't say because I don't want to dox myself). But I'm sure you can understand it can be very tiring to drive 3 hours there and 3 hours back. I'm half way through my degree and I'm hoping I can get enough money to get my own place somewhere else with more things nearby.

 

[suicidalloser]

Maybe you should go to video game conventions where you have that in common with others? Just a thought.

that stupid ass cop said the same thing when came to confiscate my SN.
Keyword: stupid.
Most typical pro-lifer babble yet.

 

[Riu]

I have a lot of the same problems as you
with loneliness and having a hard time socializing. Personally, I have a hard time socializing because of my lack of confidence. I deal with this by doing small things like exercising, reading, or doing anything productive and it gives me some confidence. Like, "Wow I didn't know I could push through and do more pushups," and that gives me some small confidence to talk to people. It may be different for you on how you build confidence or maybe confidence isn't even your issue, but if it is, I hope this helps.

Also, watching videos on how to talk to people and carry a conversation has at least helped me a lot. You should try it too if you want to. After not having any real conversations with people in a long time, watching these videos personally helps me a ton.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

that stupid ass cop said the same thing when came to confiscate my SN.
Keyword: stupid.
Most typical pro-lifer babble yet.

Your responses are idiotic. The OP said NOTHING about suicide in the posting. They said NOTHING about wanting to commit suicide. Shows how much you pay attention to what people write. All they talked about was difficulty in meeting people. My response was completely appropriate. YOURS is the one that is inappropriate. You need to watch your mouth.

that stupid ass cop said the same thing when came to confiscate my SN.
Keyword: stupid.
Most typical pro-lifer babble yet.

Self-centered moronic babble only about themselves. Wah Wha they confiscated my SN. Wah Wah

that stupid ass cop said the same thing when came to confiscate my SN.

They told you to go to a video game convention? Maybe you should have.

Most typical pro-lifer babble yet.

It's obvious you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

 

[outrider567]

that stupid ass cop said the same thing when came to confiscate my SN.
Keyword: stupid.
Most typical pro-lifer babble yet.

They have no right to take anything, here in Florida, the cops were very nice and just wanted information and make sure I was ok---After awhile I just said, "Well thanks for stopping by, can we just wrap this up?" They said sure, and they left--Do you live in a different country?

 

[suicidalloser]

They have no right to take anything, here in Florida, the cops were very nice and just wanted information and make sure I was ok---After awhile I just said, "Well thanks for stopping by, can we just wrap this up?" They said sure, and they left--Do you live in a different country?

no. US

Your responses are idiotic. The OP said NOTHING about suicide in the posting. They said NOTHING about wanting to commit suicide. Shows how much you pay attention to what people write. All they talked about was difficulty in meeting people. My response was completely appropriate. YOURS is the one that is inappropriate. You need to watch your mouth.

Self-centered moronic babble only about themselves. Wah Wha they confiscated my SN. Wah Wah


They told you to go to a video game convention? Maybe you should have.


It's obvious you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

and this warrants you to go through my posts passively inciting i kill myself?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

and this warrants you to go through my posts passively inciting i kill myself?

I incite no one to kill themselves. Your choice. Your life. Your free will. I am unable to control how anyone reacts to anything. All I can control is what I do and how I react to things.

 

[suicidalloser]

I incite no one to kill themselves. Your choice. Your life. Your free will. I am unable to control how anyone reacts to anything. All I can control is what I do and how I react to things.

Little advice, try using the ignore button next time before treading on broken glass.

Zhijie
"It may not mean much to you,
we're all different. This is only a suggestion."

 

[theslasher]

I'm not really sure honestly. I do go to the gym to keep myself healthy but i can't get the courage to go up to someone. I do hate myself for it since I'm 20 and should be able to overcome my social anxiety, but it's like my body stops me.

Edit: im still very on the fence about ctb and I only asked around to just have some sort of method. It is oddly comforting to have something you can control, even if it is seen as awful. I don't think I will ctb within the next few years. I'm just planning to do everything I can to get better and see how life goes. I'm on this forum because there are people like me here, and it isn't like I can talk about this stuff with people without getting sent to a psych ward.

I've been looking into stuff for the past few months to get myself out of my shell but realistically the place I live in isn't the best. It is remote but populated enough to be called a city, but there isn't much around here within a 1 hour drive. There is something 3 hours away (again, won't say because I don't want to dox myself). But I'm sure you can understand it can be very tiring to drive 3 hours there and 3 hours back. I'm half way through my degree and I'm hoping I can get enough money to get my own place somewhere else with more things nearby.

Well you're not crazy for being socially anxious. As hypocritical as it sounds, social anxiety was originally a survival mechanism. Our brains had "social anxiety" because we didn't want to be outcasted from our small villages. Even all these years later our brains are still trying to evolve to this new world that we live in. However, these days we are allowed to be whoever we want, it doesn't really matter if a couple people don't like us because somewhere out there, there are others who do. And either way, the opinions of others no longer hold as much importance in our survival.

And don't obsess about things like "I hate myself for being socially anxious" or else you'll just create a self fulfilling prophecy and become even more socially anxious. If you do something out of wack socially and can tell by a person's social cues, definitely acknowledge it to yourself so you can correct your course of action, BUT it's equally important to move on and not fixate on it. Even motivational speakers I listen to like Brandon Carter will fumble a word every now and then, but he does not care, he knows that no human on the planet is perfect, so he simply carries on with his talk.

You're also not crazy for wanting to ctb. Even many successful people such as Abraham Lincoln wanted to "catch the bus", or maybe "catch the horse" in his situation lmao. I've had those thoughts most of my life growing up since I was a kid tbh, but now at 21, I'll never actually do it. I've come too far to only come this far. That's what I say at least, but every now and then when I am in the worst environment, the people in my personal life are toxic, my workplace is toxic, my finances are crap, etc.. the amount of pain and stress is unbearable and I feel like I'm about to reach my maximum pain tolerance before finally deciding to ctb. Luckily that doesn't happen to me as much. And while there are many things out of my control, logically it makes more sense to focus on things that ARE in your control. And ever since doing that, I rarely find myself in situations where I get close to that pain tolerance. If there's any pain at all, it's not from things happening TO me, it's from me happening to LIFE. And by that I mean pain that comes from personal growth such as working out or sitting down to focus and learn something new.

I live 1 hour away from the big city near me so I kinda get what you mean. There's really not much to do in this town. I don't really have any friends irl tbh, unless you want to count coworkers or people from the college I dropped out of that I facetime once every couple of months lol. But I don't feel bad, honestly. When I'm surrounded by lots of people soemtimes I feel more alone than ever (if they are the wrong crowd for me). But just cause I'm physically alone doesn't mean I feel lonely, I simply feel at peace.. Anyways, at the same time, human interactions and having a sense of community is more important than ever, especially in our post covid world. So if driving 3 hours or moving cities isn't an option then you can still feel like part of your community in your own town, just by waving to people as you walk your dog, talking with the worker at the register, talking to the person behind the desk at the gym, etc... that's a good start, that's some advice from Hamza and when I follow it, it makes me feel more in tune with my community. If you want to take it a step further you can even volunteer somewhere or go to meetups near you.

Anyways, I'm proud of you for sticking it through this far. Take care of yourself.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

Well you're not crazy for being socially anxious. As hypocritical as it sounds, social anxiety was originally a survival mechanism. Our brains had "social anxiety" because we didn't want to be outcasted from our small villages. Even all these years later our brains are still trying to evolve to this new world that we live in. However, these days we are allowed to be whoever we want, it doesn't really matter if a couple people don't like us because somewhere out there, there are others who do. And either way, the opinions of others no longer hold as much importance in our survival.

And don't obsess about things like "I hate myself for being socially anxious" or else you'll just create a self fulfilling prophecy and become even more socially anxious. If you do something out of wack socially and can tell by a person's social cues, definitely acknowledge it to yourself so you can correct your course of action, BUT it's equally important to move on and not fixate on it. Even motivational speakers I listen to like Brandon Carter will fumble a word every now and then, but he does not care, he knows that no human on the planet is perfect, so he simply carries on with his talk.

You're also not crazy for wanting to ctb. Even many successful people such as Abraham Lincoln wanted to "catch the bus", or maybe "catch the horse" in his situation lmao. I've had those thoughts most of my life growing up since I was a kid tbh, but now at 21, I'll never actually do it. I've come too far to only come this far. That's what I say at least, but every now and then when I am in the worst environment, the people in my personal life are toxic, my workplace is toxic, my finances are crap, etc.. the amount of pain and stress is unbearable and I feel like I'm about to reach my maximum pain tolerance before finally deciding to ctb. Luckily that doesn't happen to me as much. And while there are many things out of my control, logically it makes more sense to focus on things that ARE in your control. And ever since doing that, I rarely find myself in situations where I get close to that pain tolerance. If there's any pain at all, it's not from things happening TO me, it's from me happening to LIFE. And by that I mean pain that comes from personal growth such as working out or sitting down to focus and learn something new.

I live 1 hour away from the big city near me so I kinda get what you mean. There's really not much to do in this town. I don't really have any friends irl tbh, unless you want to count coworkers or people from the college I dropped out of that I facetime once every couple of months lol. But I don't feel bad, honestly. When I'm surrounded by lots of people soemtimes I feel more alone than ever (if they are the wrong crowd for me). But just cause I'm physically alone doesn't mean I feel lonely, I simply feel at peace.. Anyways, at the same time, human interactions and having a sense of community is more important than ever, especially in our post covid world. So if driving 3 hours or moving cities isn't an option then you can still feel like part of your community in your own town, just by waving to people as you walk your dog, talking with the worker at the register, talking to the person behind the desk at the gym, etc... that's a good start, that's some advice from Hamza and when I follow it, it makes me feel more in tune with my community. If you want to take it a step further you can even volunteer somewhere or go to meetups near you.

Anyways, I'm proud of you for sticking it through this far. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely try what you suggested