notes and final messages

[zeevo]

I've started making my final prep plans (hopefully final) and I've been questioning my previous decision not to leave any note or messages to anyone about what I'm going to do. I initially didn't want to talk directly or message someone before I attempt as to not get myself stopped, but recently I've been wanting to have some last conversations with people who I won't get another chance with. I don't miss most of them, but I do care about them, and I feel like contacting them would be nothing more than me trying to satisfy my own wants while putting myself in their recent memory, and causing them more pain when I'm gone. I guess what I made this thread for was to ask, very generally, how others are going about conveying their last thoughts.

 

[Onelegman]

I have recorded many videos, some to say goodbye, explain what was happening to me and ask for forgiveness. Others are help or tutorials to be able to use the computer and watch those videos, also to do procedures online, such as making an appointment with the doctor... things like that. I understand you a lot, people who you don't see often but who appreciate you will have many questions and you would like to be able to answer the most important ones. Say goodbye to one or the other, thank you, anything.

I have a letter with instructions so they know where to find those videos and discover the answers. Also another with passwords that you will need at some point. But the important thing is the videos, nothing better for your loved ones than being able to see and hear you whenever they want. Nothing very robotic, just sit down and talk to the camera as if you were talking to them, even making a joke, so that they don't lose the sound of your laughter.

These videos have several backup copies in case something fails on the computer or USB.

Don't be ashamed to leave a simple note or leave absolutely nothing, it's your life and you decide. But if you appreciate someone who will leave you very hurt, try to make it clear that you appreciated them too.

 

[timetodie24]

I want to leave a note but can never find the right words. I'm always worried it'll just make it worse as won't be there to give context. I want family to have some answers though and to know I'm sorry and that it's not their fault.
If I do leave a note it'll be on paper and with my body so no chance of it being found too soon or in wrong hands

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I struggle with some of the same thoughts as you, that pursuing further communication or goodbyes while I'm still here is self serving, but I simultaneously believe I owe it to the people in my life and in my past to give them and even myself some level of closure and finality in the form of a note or a last conversation - issue with that being that nothing ever feels adequate.

Thing is, it's impossible to know what will make things harder or easier on the people we leave behind, and ultimately, feeling uncertainty on this topic may lead to stagnation and feelings of incompleteness and inner conflict regarding your decision to CTB (or continue). If you feel the drive to say something or write something - you should. I think you may be doing not only yourself, but the people you're considering, a huge disservice by denying yourself these final exchanges, whether they happen while you're here or after you're gone. If I had someone in my life that CTB, even if we had not been in contact, I would want to understand a bit more, or simply have a final goodbye to help me process or even to just remember - it definitely wouldn't make things harder for me personally.

I think at the very least, you should write something out for anyone you want to address. You don't have to send it anywhere ultimately, but perhaps writing it when the thoughts come will offer some clarity as to what is best to do here. Don't deny yourself direct exchanges while you're still here, even if the people in question don't know that the exchange is potentially a goodbye. Ultimately, it's okay to be "selfish," this is your life and your death and you deserve to feel complete. Of course, worrying that you might say too much or worry people, or that you might be stopped in your plans is something to consider.

I really hope it doesn't come to that, for what it's worth.

 

[Onelegman]

I want to leave a note but can never find the right words. I'm always worried it'll just make it worse as won't be there to give context. I want family to have some answers though and to know I'm sorry and that it's not their fault.
If I do leave a note it'll be on paper and with my body so no chance of it being found too soon or in wrong hands

Well there you have it! begins with an apology and then explains that it was not their fault.

I doubt there are any wrong words in a note like this, but as you write you can always give details or clarify what they may misinterpret. Indicate that you are not referring to this, but to that. If you have time, you can make drafts on your mobile/computer and practice those words that may not come out or that may give you wrong ideas.

Think about what answers they will want and give them them. Personally, I would recommend you make this note, and although there is always the possibility that despite the clarifications you may get some of the words wrong, it will be better than nothing. Cheer up!