Not true recovery?

[sadnurse]

Do people ever truly recover from wanting to harm themselves? I don't think so.. over a year and a half ago I came close to Suicide w N… I still have it ..I had some major health issues which resolved but now I'm having personal issues w my ex and assets…. And I feel so down today and I'm feeling those suicide thoughts once again .. I'd had them off and on since I so called recovered for various reasons …issues w a man I was seeing etc … this is going to be a lifelong struggle…any advice on what to do? How to cope? I'm already on Prozac and see a therapist… nothing makes me happy in the moment ..I know I should be grateful that my health issues improved but I'm still not happy…is anyone else in the same situation, I'd love to talk

 

[Pluto]

I'm in the same situation, too. I'm supposed to be recovering but my attempts have been anything but convincing. I've learned that progress is not linear, more like a rollercoaster that hopefully trends upward over time. There's a time and place to crash and feel despondent. The only thing I can suggest is to be gentle on yourself and realistic in your expectations. Ironically, we tend to be happier and more peaceful if we are not trying to force ourselves to be.

 

[U. A.]

I think what @Pluto said is the best way to approach things, if only to give it a proper shot...currently living my own version of this, with two very recent life changes that for years I've been wanting to manifest both for their own sakes, and in the hopes they'd lead to improvement. But lately I almost find myself feeling even more shite because I don't really feel any better overall, only at times - and then worse because those isolated moments aren't seeming to last or carry over.

But the upward trending roller coaster analogy is a good one. At least in my case, because the reverse has been the last five years for me - I didn't instantaneously get to this point, it took a lot of pain, loss, damage, injury, and festering over time. Even only a year ago things were on the whole leaps and bounds better than now, not that they were good at all (compared to years before that).

The trick is that unlike the decline, which can and does happen on its own, it will continue taking work to reverse the trend, both in terms of exercising whatever influence can be made on both internal and external conditions. It's fucking tiring and some days you don't feel like you have it in you (and some days you legit won't and that's okay), but the way I now try to frame it is every day, every moment, the choices are either choose death, or choose life - and whichever option might as well be done without holding anything back.