Story Not today.

[Cold]

The rope is up.
The noose is tied.
The padding is placed.
The chair is in position.
I am sober.

I climb up, standing on the chair I gently place the noose around my neck. It is soft.
I am calm.
I pull down on the knot to make the rope tighter around my neck.
I can feel my blood flowing, pulsating like poison in my veins.
Deep breaths.
I lower myself, am I doing this right I wonder?
Needles in my lips and fingertips.
My vision is slowly fading and the sun is setting outside.
Through my windows I can just hear the first birds of spring.. they are singing... and they are so far away.
My mind is clear, there are no thougts, no images, nothing.
The world is shattering.
-
-
I realise that I am dying.
Quickly I stand back up, the world rebuilds itself in an instant.
My thoughts return.
Just outside my windows the birds are singing.
The sun is still setting.
No needles.
I look around, it's hazy.
This time I pull the knot up, loosening the rope.
I take the noose from my neck and sit down on the chair.
I feel very powerful. For a few moments everything was playing by my rules, I can end the game when I want to. I am in charge of powers enough to put an end to my whole universe.
Do I really want to do this right now? Today?
Is this the survival instinct?
I need to think. I don't want to, but I need to. More than ever.

Nothing feels real.

 

[suffering]

The rope is up.
The noose is tied.
The padding is placed.
The chair is in position.
I am sober.

I climb up, standing on the chair I gently place the noose around my neck. It is soft.
I am calm.
I pull down on the knot to make the rope tighter around my neck.
I can feel my blood flowing, pulsating like poison in my veins.
Deep breaths.
I lower myself, am I doing this right I wonder?
Needles in my lips and fingertips.
My vision is slowly fading and the sun is setting outside.
Through my windows I can just hear the first birds of spring.. they are singing... and they are so far away.
My mind is clear, there are no thougts, no images, nothing.
The world is shattering.
-
-
I realise that I am dying.
Quickly I stand back up, the world rebuilds itself in an instant.
My thoughts return.
Just outside my windows the birds are singing.
The sun is still setting.
No needles.
I look around, it's hazy.
This time I pull the knot up, loosening the rope.
I take the noose from my neck and sit down on the chair.
I feel very powerful. For a few moments everything was playing by my rules, I can end the game when I want to. I am in charge of powers enough to put an end to my whole universe.
Do I really want to do this right now? Today?
Is this the survival instinct?
I need to think. I don't want to, but I need to. More than ever.

Nothing feels real.

I envy your courage. I can't even begin.

 

[21Neberg]

It's all about falling and standing up again... use this experience for your next attempt. I hope you and I both make it one day.

 

[Moth]

This is beautifully written

 

[itsallover]

Did you feel a sense of relief in those moments that you won't have to deal with everything you're supposed to in life? I hate this society that always tells you what you need to do and then when you need help almost everybody disappears. Not even animals do that shit.

 

[Psilo]

Wow you a poet?

 

[Need-a-Place]

Is this the survival instinct?

Yep.

ps, really enjoyed your writing

 

[Cold]

Did you feel a sense of relief in those moments that you won't have to deal with everything you're supposed to in life? I hate this society that always tells you what you need to do and then when you need help almost everybody disappears. Not even animals do that shit.

Yes, I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I'm so tired.

 

[Cold]

Wow you a poet?

No, I'm not a poet. But you made me smile with this comment, thank you. :)

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

You have a way with words <3

 

[dandan]

Yes, I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I'm so tired.

this.... how old are you may I ask?

 

[FauxEmotions]

Those instincts are insane. I finally gotten to a point where it's comfortable, zero pain, just feels like I'm slowly going to sleep. Yet I still stand up, release the noose. I'm hoping with routine attempts it just gets more and more comfortable, even for my natural instincts.

Also, like everyone else, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

 

[Cold]

this.... how old are you may I ask?

I'm 25. Feeling like 250.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

This is amazing. Well written.