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Member
- Jun 19, 2021
- 30
Hi everyone. I've been a lurker for quite some time but I'm at a point in life where I just.. I don't know. Need to scream into this void? Hear from other people? I don't know. I feel so.. alone. I've been dealing with depression and selfharm since I was 12, and with PTSD since I was 14. I'm now 21 and it has never gotten better. My social anxiety is the worst, I can't talk to anyone in real life because I'm just.. too scared.
Last year in November I made a friend online and he would become the best friend I have ever had in my entire life. I trusted him. We had some issues here and there but all in all.. I thought we would be friends forever. But everyone always leaves me so.. today he did too. Saying I'm a selfish person, that I put myself before others. That I took advantage of him caring. That I dumped all my issues on him by venting. But.. he never said no. He always told me it's okay if I do that. If he ever would've said no when I reached out I wouldn't have forced it. I would've accepted that..
I feel terrible now. I have no one. I am all alone.
He was the only reason I didn't want to die anymore.. but now? I just want to do it. But I can't, because I'm too fucking scared. I just want someone to shoot or stab me or something. If only I lived in the USA where it's so easy to get a damn gun.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just can't do this anymore. I need this suffering to end. I'm too broken to be saved
Last year in November I made a friend online and he would become the best friend I have ever had in my entire life. I trusted him. We had some issues here and there but all in all.. I thought we would be friends forever. But everyone always leaves me so.. today he did too. Saying I'm a selfish person, that I put myself before others. That I took advantage of him caring. That I dumped all my issues on him by venting. But.. he never said no. He always told me it's okay if I do that. If he ever would've said no when I reached out I wouldn't have forced it. I would've accepted that..
I feel terrible now. I have no one. I am all alone.
He was the only reason I didn't want to die anymore.. but now? I just want to do it. But I can't, because I'm too fucking scared. I just want someone to shoot or stab me or something. If only I lived in the USA where it's so easy to get a damn gun.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just can't do this anymore. I need this suffering to end. I'm too broken to be saved